Tattletale

Another lousy ending.

Fine ending

It's just that with good stories, even ones as short as this, we don't want them to end, we want to see the new life, the new relationships built up from the ruins.

But the ending is fine as it is; the story is nice, sweet, succinct, and complete.

Yes

Well written, short and sweet. Thanks

Great Story

Very good story! Nothing like others who wimp out. Could have been a bit longer to see where he goes and what else he does, but very good for a flash story. Keep writing and posting please.

It is always a good day to see one of your stories. Five stars (as usual)

A Five

But it was too short.

Good

The only thing that I didn't like was Vicky being humiliated in a public restaurant.

Question

Was this story cut short?

Normally you...um...well you really work out your fingers on your stories.

Nice but not a "Story"

I enjoyed this scene. That is all it really is. I was a very nice one and well written but it was too brief to create any real emotion for me. At the end, I was left with the same feeling of emptiness and confusion that Vicky probably felt. Why did they do this? What did she do wrong? How could they have not seen it? How will she recover from it?

I confess to being a bit of a romantic. At least to the extent that I want SOMEONE to have a happy ending. I don't see anyone happy here. As true as that may be in real life, I want something else in the stories I read.

Also, if the business was such a money maker, would it really be that hard to get some sort of bridge financing? Sure, we don't know how late in the month it is, but Between the business and the home, I would expect that he would be able to find SOME way to save a business that sounds like it was worth over a million based on the little we know about the cash flow.

But just to be clear, I really liked this vignette. Since I don't think it IS a story, I score on a different scale. I can assume that that the things I saw missing would have been provided elsewhere and the financial aspects explained. 5*

How. I must have really liked it to jabber on so long on such a short piece.

Too Short

First chapter could have concluded with Pete and Vicki making tentative plans for the next day or two, and then 2 or 3 chapters on dealing with drama and cheaters. Please FTDS! *2*

Huh?

You write complicated long interesting stories. Where is the rest of it? This is a page 1 or a page 2 of about 5-7 page story. Please if you are going to do a shorty let us know upfront. No rating for a fragment.

Pete goes off to his new spread and fishes on the lake

catches a bass that breaks the state record, and vicky finds out pete is packing a hellova trout in his trousers....and life is good .

Consistent

You write such good stories that your readers expect another complete one. Thanks for your work.

Here, you probably should have indicated that it is a flash story. It was still good, but not as complete as you have led us to expect from your others.

Pete gave Ryan and Emily each

a length of rope, allowed them to tie the nooses, stick their heads in, and hang themselves! Perfect revenge!

A great story, a good premise....

But uncompleted. It needed to be expanded on in a big way.

3 stars.

minimal real tension or real drama

The bones of a fine story are there, but not the flesh. This author has done better. I don't want to be harsh, because this is far from terrible. Its like a half-mown lawn. Finish it ( please ) !

Light touch does it

The understated tone, which others complain of, is exactly what makes this effort so very effective. Five stars.

Hopefully you'll continue this one!

I agree with the others, your stories are usually longer and more intricate. I do enjoy your writing!

Excellent

Like other commenters have said, you could have drawn this out to a nice long tale. However, you chose to make it short and sweet. All cheaters are low-life scumbags and the outcome would be the same whether it took five pages or merely the one. Five stars

three out of five

marriages end in divorce. this is just another one. this was as interesting as listening to rush hour radio and hearing about a fender bender at mile marker so and so. a waste of time but the traffic moves again.

Definitely Too Short

Minor point - If Ryan's profit $18,000 more than Pete makes in a year, why isn't he paying down the loan?

Sure, he expects his "friend" to keep extending, but especially once you start sleeping with your lender's wife you might want to think about covering your ASSets!

Ass U Me

No penalty for writing a short, poignant BTB(&B) tale which shows flexibility from a previous author pattern! Hoist by the 'CPete' petard! I did see it coming when Hubby posed the 'hypothetical question' and started with his own bitchy wife. I didn't get the two guys at first, but Hubby's knowing them in a restaurant 45 minutes away was a good clue!

Only (kinda quibble) was Vicky being attuned to Hubby's mood when her hubby and Sweetie were in an animated talk!

5*

Needed a bit more

What happened to Emily? Ryan will lose his business, marriage, and his friend. That is pretty explicit. But although Emily is served and upset, she doesn't show too much suffering. She was a vocal bitch throughout the beginning and then, nothing? She was due more obvious suffering.

It also seems odd, Pete works at a job that pays $18k less than Ryan and yet was able to loan Ryan $100K? How was he able to afford it?

I liked the plot, the way Emily threatened Pete when SHE was the one cheating. The way Ryan KNEW he was cornered. Vicky was an innocent and it felt as if she paid as high a price as the two cheaters. Too bad.

Nice Short Story

I would swear that I wrote a comment this morning but it seems to have disappeared. Since it was positive we can not blame the author for cutting it.
Nice way to start of the day. Flash is fun...

5*

Good writing.

The story did not really engage my emotions. Didn't much care about any of them.

Maybe Pete & Vicki will get together and sit on the edge of his little lake frontage in the evening watching dragonflies dimple the surface and listening to bullfrogs tune up for their nighttime chorus.

I could care less about additional punishment for the cheaters. They've lost their marriages and his business.

And, after all, Who wants to be like our local LW white trash?

Where's the rest of it?

I for one would love to see the fall-out. I would definitely hope Emily gets her just "rewards" being the cheating skank she is.

Good story

Agree that it needs more

And the rest...

Good as always but rather short

well Done

Excellent job as usual sir. I don't understand comments nitpicking about income and such. It's a flash story, fill in the blanks yourself! He had money to loan, money to purchase acreage, trust inheritance? The beauty of these stories is that they have 'do it yourself' moments where you interact via your imagination. Go with it.

Good one

But I needed WAY more information, especially at the end. Good to see that you're still writing. How about something a little more often?

Good, but please write more next time. Not 10 pages, mind you, but a couple. )

funny how people often have double standards....

Good story

A story like this is analogous to jazz. What is implied is as important as what is played. This window into a couple hours into the lives of those involved reveals a great deal. Blindsiding the cheaters and completely dismantling their lives within a few minutes was pretty cool. The financial aspects are not difficult, the reason the reason that Ryan had a nice income (for a while) is because he HAD a friend who bankrolled it for him. Pull back the bankroll, and it's all over for Ryan- but not the business.

Fine tale with some.modest surprises! But the clues were there.

Short but poignant tale! Not excited about the revenge destruction of the ex-friend's business, but both cheaters deserved major retaliation. Ryan knew the risk of having an affair with Pete's wife, considering the existence of Pete's demand loan to Ryan, which supported and enabled success in Ryan's landscaping business. Ryan and Emily both were aware of this risk and that they were walking a shaky tightrope! Great tale, SW Hermit! Dan

Good Read***

Thanks for sharing.

5*****

Good flash story. I generally complain about short story for longer epilog. But this story is good in its flash state.

BRINGS BACK CHILDHOOD TAUNTS

tattletale tie, tongue should be split etc, etc...TK U MLJ LV NV

A TYPO ON MY COMMENT...OOPS

SHOULD READ TATTLE TALE TIT, TONGUE SHOULD BE SPLIT.etc etc TK U MLJ LV NV

Short is Good!

I liked the fact that this was short and sweet! It is hard to read through the same background and setup stuff over and over again. We get it, they were childhood sweethearts, they met in college, whatever. Keep it short and pertinent. The only thing that was lacking was the reasoning behind the actions. I could have used a little more of what was going on in his mind.

Good Story

We always want more, especially if the cheaters are made to suffer. It is what we crave, hahaha. But this story was great just as it is. We all know that Ryan will suffer and so will Emily (even though we don't know exactly how).
Good Job,
Charleybear

to the point

heartfelt and harsh, great hit right between the eyes. (5*****)

Short, sweet, and to the fuckin' point!

It was handled with precision, as it should be. All the ducks were in a row, and both of the cheaters are burned to the fuckin' ground! Outstanding job as usual, Hermit!

5 HUGE Stars!

what about ?

What happens to Vicky ?
Seems she loses almost everything, soon-to-be-ex has no assets for a settlement.

Why was Ryan unable to pay off the loan ? $18,000 more a year than Pete ?

Too short.

Not concerned about the money

Ryan may make more money than Pete NOW.

However, the capital investment has to be made up front, and Ryan and Vickie have this unfortunate necessity of EATING and needing a HOUSE.

Plus most business need reinvestment. So Ryan, who probably has a mortgage, is probably up to his eyeballs in debt. and the payments is probably a huge chunk of change.

Plus, my math skills are poor, but that extra $18,000 STILL doesn't equal to $100,000. Maybe he floats a loan.

I hope not.

If he made so much, why was he unable to repay the loan? Or take another loan to pay the original 100grand?

And Texas is one of the states where adultery isn't a factor in determining alimony, so anything Pete took from Ryan would be a added into his divorce.

Not a really well thought out story.

Would really like to .....

Read about how Emily and Ryan got started, did Emily ever really love Pete and does she have any remorse for what she did to Pete and how did Pete catch them at 4th of July!

Really good story and like that Pete doesn't enjoy being a cuckold (tired of reading about wimp husbands)

A Five yes...but!

I'm on board with a lot of the others. This had the makings of a mighty fine mystery. Pete senses trouble, he watches, he worries, he hires, he panics, he wonders, he deliberates, and finally we get to your story.

Yes a five, but it's kind of like coming in at the end of a really great movie. Like what the F! Why didn't I get here sooner?

Regardless, I always like your stories. Well not all. You have some science fiction, and I'm just not going there.

Keep writing! You're fun to read.

Loved it! Thanks again for sharing your stories!

Where is Paul Harvey when you need him

It seems we got only one page of what could have been an interesting tale. I just wish we could have also had "the rest of the story" .

5*

Well done, and complete.

Any more would have spoiled it.

Loved it

Five stars. Very well done. Thanks.