Cinnamon is the plump blonde who wasn't introduced except by process of elimination.
This: "See? Low standards. If he loves you, then you don't need to worry about him hurting you bad, if at all, do you?" "I'm not going to be a doormat just because I kissed someone!"
Should read like this:
"See? Low standards. If he loves you, then you don't need to worry about him hurting you bad, if at all, do you?"
"I'm not going to be a doormat just because I kissed someone!"
90% of the dialogue is between Andrea and Denise. However, while it is obvious with that in mind, it is not apparent on a cold reading. My apologies. I need to cut back on the use of pronouns and include more names.
Andrea is misspelled wrong once.
There is probably other things I am missing. But luckily, I didn't have to use the word discreet once in this damn thing. I never get that one right.
It was a little hard to discern who was speaking to whom now and then. I would have also liked to see if she learned anything. Too bad you turned the voting off, I would have given it a good score.
I do like the Andrea character - too bad I expect that she is too volatile to serve as lead for anything else.
Hummm.... that would be an interesting challenge - craft a male "co-dependent" - I suspect that going back to the 30's might do it... Burns and Allen, Tracey and Hepburn, Powell and Loy...
Then a plot... marriage counselors, I think... and run them through a series of "who dun its" ala Macomber and Ms. Sara(h)...
It was hazy, but club cool atmospherics + excellent premise carried the read and the day. Like a good remix of fav song . Inexact, but you know what's missing from cliched template and can fill in what's missing collaborating by rote with author's improv & tragic personal histiry.
Good idea, could go further. Andrea is a great foil for a cheating wife. She makes a good case that Denise does not love her husband and that the marriage is over unless something drastic occurs. I know a woman like this Andrea, she is highly opinionated and does not hesitated to enter other peoples conversations. She is brutally honest and usually right! Why she sticks her nose into other people's business? - I do not know! She is not liked by many, but the few that do like her, respect her honesty!
You said everything that a cheater needs to hear that alot of authors take 10 pages to achieve. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I do the same thing. Tough shit if people dont like it! great writing. Love to read more of your work. A follow up to this saga would make a great read. What happened to denise? Did she get divorced?
by
Anonymous03/03/14
tonsil hockey
i like this and it shows how females think things are ok and guys should just forgive them easily. my wife flirted with an old lover then when back home visited met him for dinner and movie and was seen giving him a kiss. when i confronted her she said it was all innocent yet it was four weeks later i learned about it and she said nothing the whole time. when i told her i wanted to see her facebook messages and phone ones between them she threw her phone and said guess the password and stormed off. two weeks later she left her facebook logged on because she had to run to bus stop to pick up our kids because it was raining i read the sex chat between the two and found out her private email address. Now she says its all innocent and she hadnt done anything but kissing yet they talked about skipping the movie. we are in process of divorce i no longer listen to anything she has to say once a liar and cheat always a liar and cheat.
I needed a good laugh to start my day!
Original, tight, complete an funny as hell.
I think Geena maybe more a hunter then she looks.
This a 10* story.
Thank you
by
Anonymous03/03/14
write dear Andrea
I think Andrea would be a breath of fresh air among the relationship "talking heads." how about a story of how she was able to get her 1st column. I am sure the touchy feely folks at major news papers would reject her just because she made sense.
by
Anonymous03/03/14
enjoyed
the story
by
Anonymous03/03/14
Loved it!
Great story! Great advice and would love to see a follow up where Geena goes after the husband.
by
Anonymous03/03/14
Good story
Turn voting on - deserves high score . Much better than the skanky slut/wimp stuff normally here
People like Andrea exist, the term Yenta comes to mind,my mom would probably say every neighborhood in nyc had someone like this....the fact that Denise doesn't undrtstand why her husbans is upset says a lot about her,because kissing like that is often a prelude to other things.If she loved her husband she would realize that even if to others it appeared silly,she should respect that he feels hurt and instead of demeaning him,help him feel better,reassure him.Feelings are real,and the snswer is to respect them and if seemingly over the top,help the other person understand that.
Like most of your stories this one was well written and thought provoking. It might be better if it was slightly longer so we could see what happened in the marriage. I know flash stories leave much to the imagination so understand. You showed us the way. The marriage is toast. A sequel would be nice showing Andrea getting the phone number and the husband going out with one of her friends. Poetic justice. In any event, WELL DONE.
An interesting quick, but poignant story. Well done, but I would have liked to find out how the story ended, Oh, was it just me or did the girl's names get confused a couple of times?
I got a bit confused at times with the dialogue but that's just the blonde in me coming out. I know several women at work exactly like Denise and I loved the response from Andrea. Always leave them wanting more and you did that so well here. Thank you for sharing.
Nice little hit and run story, very direct , just like Andrea.
The point, Denise is a moron and a jerk. Most people don't like to confront such people (maybe they are afraid it is catching) so the morons and jerks get to continue to be morons and jerks, unchallenged. Andrea is a gale of fresh air, blowing through all the BS.
Yes, it would be nice if it was edited better but I was able to understand the flow of the story well so the impact of any mistakes was minimal.
@FD45 I published on Loving Wives first and after denunciation from frintlinecaster to the editors of Literotica I republished my story at Fetish hub "How Are You Not Being Neglected?" I wrote in the preface: "The story is an example for a solution of that life situation, that lonely single or divorced moms could find a good stepfather candidates. The stepfather candidates may be betrayed husbands, who have young kids. Why should a divorced dad start his life alone? Yes a single mom is afraid of finding an asshole. My story is an encouragement to broaden the possibilities to increase the average society happiness level to decrease loneliness for single moms and divorced dads. I could imagine such websites for divorced, single or widow Mums, who would like to look for stepfather candidate, where betrayed soon to be ex-husbands or already ex-husbands with cheating wives, who are well trained Dads would be the assortment. I hope we will find such dating websites once...these imagined websites would facilitate the greater human happiness."
I wrote we are amatour writers so to find good ideas from other writer is not problem according to me. I am curious your idea original or from my preface!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW I would have given 5*****.
Very interesting premise, and the best story of the day. The setting is very fitting, I wonder if Andrea is able to get Denise to wake up and smell the coffee. That's left up to the reader. There are many men and women who are as delusional as Denise is. Many times, people like Denise never get it until it's to late- if they ever get it.
. . . at least a four for the humor alone. Sounds exactly like a bunch of guys at the bar at happy hour with one minor exception, it was all girl talk instead of about girls. Pretty much the same though and a fun read.
Ya know I think I believe this now on second thought. Also you just proved you don't really need sex to tell a story with a moral at the end. Hope Greg recovers from this bitch in time.
by
Anonymous03/03/14
Mrs. Curtis?
Is this Curtis' wife? If so then this is awesome. It deserves at least four stars no matter what.
Deme
by
Anonymous03/03/14
5*
Like the story, humerous. (what happened to the stars??)
I would have given it a 5.... (no buts);; It should be admitted that I had to read it a second time to figure who was talking... Personally I would consider going to dinner and a movie without discussing it with me as a major, perhaps fatal fault. When you are married you have no business kissing anyone except your partner..
by
Anonymous03/03/14
Difficult to read and understand
Cute idea, but it was very confusing to read, trying to understand who was talking, who the players were, and the spelling and grammar errors made it more difficult.
English
Mistakes
Cinnamon is the plump blonde who wasn't introduced except by process of elimination.
This: "See? Low standards. If he loves you, then you don't need to worry about him hurting you bad, if at all, do you?" "I'm not going to be a doormat just because I kissed someone!"
Should read like this:
"See? Low standards. If he loves you, then you don't need to worry about him hurting you bad, if at all, do you?"
"I'm not going to be a doormat just because I kissed someone!"
90% of the dialogue is between Andrea and Denise. However, while it is obvious with that in mind, it is not apparent on a cold reading. My apologies. I need to cut back on the use of pronouns and include more names.
Andrea is misspelled wrong once.
There is probably other things I am missing. But luckily, I didn't have to use the word discreet once in this damn thing. I never get that one right.
Throw out any other errors you find
really funny
I loved it, it was fun and quick to read.
I liked the premise, but...
It was a little hard to discern who was speaking to whom now and then. I would have also liked to see if she learned anything. Too bad you turned the voting off, I would have given it a good score.
lIKE
NOT GOOD WITH WORDS BUT TRULELY LIKED THIS STORY
Cute!
I do like the Andrea character - too bad I expect that she is too volatile to serve as lead for anything else.
Hummm.... that would be an interesting challenge - craft a male "co-dependent" - I suspect that going back to the 30's might do it... Burns and Allen, Tracey and Hepburn, Powell and Loy...
Then a plot... marriage counselors, I think... and run them through a series of "who dun its" ala Macomber and Ms. Sara(h)...
Could be fun.
Green-something
Excellent
A nice change of pace. And no animals were harmed in the writing of this tale.
Oh yeah
droll to the bone
It was hazy, but club cool atmospherics + excellent premise carried the read and the day. Like a good remix of fav song . Inexact, but you know what's missing from cliched template and can fill in what's missing collaborating by rote with author's improv & tragic personal histiry.
Good Potential
Good idea, could go further. Andrea is a great foil for a cheating wife. She makes a good case that Denise does not love her husband and that the marriage is over unless something drastic occurs. I know a woman like this Andrea, she is highly opinionated and does not hesitated to enter other peoples conversations. She is brutally honest and usually right! Why she sticks her nose into other people's business? - I do not know! She is not liked by many, but the few that do like her, respect her honesty!
enjoyable.
You said everything that a cheater needs to hear that alot of authors take 10 pages to achieve. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I do the same thing. Tough shit if people dont like it! great writing. Love to read more of your work. A follow up to this saga would make a great read. What happened to denise? Did she get divorced?
tonsil hockey
i like this and it shows how females think things are ok and guys should just forgive them easily. my wife flirted with an old lover then when back home visited met him for dinner and movie and was seen giving him a kiss. when i confronted her she said it was all innocent yet it was four weeks later i learned about it and she said nothing the whole time. when i told her i wanted to see her facebook messages and phone ones between them she threw her phone and said guess the password and stormed off. two weeks later she left her facebook logged on because she had to run to bus stop to pick up our kids because it was raining i read the sex chat between the two and found out her private email address. Now she says its all innocent and she hadnt done anything but kissing yet they talked about skipping the movie. we are in process of divorce i no longer listen to anything she has to say once a liar and cheat always a liar and cheat.
Very enjoyable
Please get an editor.
anon tonsil hockey
Well, the man thought it was okay too so it's probably not just a woman thing.
Thank you
I needed a good laugh to start my day!
Original, tight, complete an funny as hell.
I think Geena maybe more a hunter then she looks.
This a 10* story.
Thank you
write dear Andrea
I think Andrea would be a breath of fresh air among the relationship "talking heads." how about a story of how she was able to get her 1st column. I am sure the touchy feely folks at major news papers would reject her just because she made sense.
enjoyed
the story
Loved it!
Great story! Great advice and would love to see a follow up where Geena goes after the husband.
Good story
Turn voting on - deserves high score . Much better than the skanky slut/wimp stuff normally here
Good One
A pleasent break in the day.
5*
Nice light humour
Thanks for writing.
Nice!
Thanks for sharing.
Fun Story
Great job! A nice fun story to start the week
The story is amusing and would have earned a good score.
Next time don't be a coward. Turn scoring on.
Nice story
The way the story was told was refreshing; a follow up story about what Denise did after this encounter would be appreciated.
I give you a 5 for originality
liked it
Almost didn't read it....no score made we wonder.
Chuckled all the way through it
Not bad at all......
Thx
Clever
Good story...i would have given a 5...
Liked what I read.
But would like to read what you think will happen, don't think Denise really gets it so I don't see her marriage surviving.
Good yarn
People like Andrea exist, the term Yenta comes to mind,my mom would probably say every neighborhood in nyc had someone like this....the fact that Denise doesn't undrtstand why her husbans is upset says a lot about her,because kissing like that is often a prelude to other things.If she loved her husband she would realize that even if to others it appeared silly,she should respect that he feels hurt and instead of demeaning him,help him feel better,reassure him.Feelings are real,and the snswer is to respect them and if seemingly over the top,help the other person understand that.
nice
left me wanting to know more
4 Star story
Like most of your stories this one was well written and thought provoking. It might be better if it was slightly longer so we could see what happened in the marriage. I know flash stories leave much to the imagination so understand. You showed us the way. The marriage is toast. A sequel would be nice showing Andrea getting the phone number and the husband going out with one of her friends. Poetic justice. In any event, WELL DONE.
too cute
Liked the dialogue. Sounds just like OSU grads .
Thanks
An interesting quick, but poignant story. Well done, but I would have liked to find out how the story ended, Oh, was it just me or did the girl's names get confused a couple of times?
Wonderful Read
I got a bit confused at times with the dialogue but that's just the blonde in me coming out. I know several women at work exactly like Denise and I loved the response from Andrea. Always leave them wanting more and you did that so well here. Thank you for sharing.
absolutely wonderful
I normally don't like flash stories, but this is one of the best stories I have read in a long time.
Thank yoiu
Great
Hope this signals you will publish more than a couple of stories a year. We need good, creative writers such as yourself.
Five Stars
Where are the stars? I want to click on five!
No voting allowed???
3 (really 2.5) stars.
Nice little hit and run story, very direct , just like Andrea.
The point, Denise is a moron and a jerk. Most people don't like to confront such people (maybe they are afraid it is catching) so the morons and jerks get to continue to be morons and jerks, unchallenged. Andrea is a gale of fresh air, blowing through all the BS.
Yes, it would be nice if it was edited better but I was able to understand the flow of the story well so the impact of any mistakes was minimal.
Question for FD45
@FD45 I published on Loving Wives first and after denunciation from frintlinecaster to the editors of Literotica I republished my story at Fetish hub "How Are You Not Being Neglected?" I wrote in the preface: "The story is an example for a solution of that life situation, that lonely single or divorced moms could find a good stepfather candidates. The stepfather candidates may be betrayed husbands, who have young kids. Why should a divorced dad start his life alone? Yes a single mom is afraid of finding an asshole. My story is an encouragement to broaden the possibilities to increase the average society happiness level to decrease loneliness for single moms and divorced dads. I could imagine such websites for divorced, single or widow Mums, who would like to look for stepfather candidate, where betrayed soon to be ex-husbands or already ex-husbands with cheating wives, who are well trained Dads would be the assortment. I hope we will find such dating websites once...these imagined websites would facilitate the greater human happiness."
I wrote we are amatour writers so to find good ideas from other writer is not problem according to me. I am curious your idea original or from my preface!!!!!!!!!!!!
BTW I would have given 5*****.
Fab story FD
5*.......oh wait.
5* if I could vote
Very interesting premise, and the best story of the day. The setting is very fitting, I wonder if Andrea is able to get Denise to wake up and smell the coffee. That's left up to the reader. There are many men and women who are as delusional as Denise is. Many times, people like Denise never get it until it's to late- if they ever get it.
Ha Ha
funny as hell wish to see what happens.
It's worth . . .
. . . at least a four for the humor alone. Sounds exactly like a bunch of guys at the bar at happy hour with one minor exception, it was all girl talk instead of about girls. Pretty much the same though and a fun read.
Do women really talk like ths.
Ya know I think I believe this now on second thought. Also you just proved you don't really need sex to tell a story with a moral at the end. Hope Greg recovers from this bitch in time.
Mrs. Curtis?
Is this Curtis' wife? If so then this is awesome. It deserves at least four stars no matter what.
Deme
5*
Like the story, humerous. (what happened to the stars??)
not a one off ?
Dear Andrea, this could be the start of something new and good.
Something other than the usual formula.
I have no idea why...
...I like this so much, but I do. Something truly original.
More please.
Interesting Flash
I would have given it a 5.... (no buts);; It should be admitted that I had to read it a second time to figure who was talking... Personally I would consider going to dinner and a movie without discussing it with me as a major, perhaps fatal fault. When you are married you have no business kissing anyone except your partner..
Difficult to read and understand
Cute idea, but it was very confusing to read, trying to understand who was talking, who the players were, and the spelling and grammar errors made it more difficult.
Thanks for the read.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Dear Andrea... or
More submissions by FD45.