Well, actually, you need an editor. There are worse storylines on Literotica but the random shifts from first-person to third-person and back again are disconcerting. So is the inconsistent naming of your little brother. Is his name Ray or Rudy? If you work on the details and the technical aspects of your writing, your audience will be more accepting of your rather far-fetched plot.
by
Anonymous03/16/14
Very hot story... I love your writing and how your mind works.
Looks like you may get the boys into some bi action too.
by
Anonymous03/22/14
A Mother's Son's
I really liked the story line, and that you got to the point quicky. I don't like stories that go on for pages befor it gets to the fucking. I think that brothers fucking their mother is great.
by
Anonymous04/15/14
Don't ever change you style!
I love the way you wrote it!
I love the way you kept changing
it from first person into third person.
It's like I was watching a movie about the
characters life, the first person was him telling
Us what he thought while he was doing it, and the third
Person was us watching what he remembered play out live.
I love the plot building from the beginning of the back story
To the end of the middle then he opens the end of the
Story with a twist, only to finish it with a Bang!
I say it was amazing and if it ever got a
Movie deal I would totally be at the
Midnight showing! So don't ever
Change your style! Good
Luck man, on your
Writing and your
Sex life bro!
Thanks!
by
Anonymous07/09/14
1 star
Was ok until they started stroking each others ducks. Gross.
English
You Really Need a Proofreader
Well, actually, you need an editor. There are worse storylines on Literotica but the random shifts from first-person to third-person and back again are disconcerting. So is the inconsistent naming of your little brother. Is his name Ray or Rudy? If you work on the details and the technical aspects of your writing, your audience will be more accepting of your rather far-fetched plot.
Very hot story... I love your writing and how your mind works.
moving fast
Can't wait for mom to be DP'd
More please
Looks like you may get the boys into some bi action too.
A Mother's Son's
I really liked the story line, and that you got to the point quicky. I don't like stories that go on for pages befor it gets to the fucking. I think that brothers fucking their mother is great.
Don't ever change you style!
I love the way you wrote it!
I love the way you kept changing
it from first person into third person.
It's like I was watching a movie about the
characters life, the first person was him telling
Us what he thought while he was doing it, and the third
Person was us watching what he remembered play out live.
I love the plot building from the beginning of the back story
To the end of the middle then he opens the end of the
Story with a twist, only to finish it with a Bang!
I say it was amazing and if it ever got a
Movie deal I would totally be at the
Midnight showing! So don't ever
Change your style! Good
Luck man, on your
Writing and your
Sex life bro!
Thanks!
1 star
Was ok until they started stroking each others ducks. Gross.
dam spellcheck
*dicks*
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