You have a lot of potential. Good command of grammar & structure. First person isn't always the best perspective to write from though. I would have chosen third but that's my preference. Keep writing. Liked the concept.
You asked for positive criticism. I tend to agree with litereader54 and I liked the story. Although you started it in the past tense and changed to the present which will annoy some readers. Also you have used the 2nd person, ie; you do this, you did that, and that is often difficult to pull off. Write some more.
I do struggle a bit to describe from 3rd person perspective, from the point of view that I am witnessing when these stories are commentaries. I feel I need to be describing feelings and actions.
I will attempt to do so in future and see what i can come up with. Can anyone point me to some other stories written well in the 3rd person perspective.
English
Part 2?????
WRITE A PART TWO.... MY HAND IS STILL IN MY PANTIES...
Potential is there
You have a lot of potential. Good command of grammar & structure. First person isn't always the best perspective to write from though. I would have chosen third but that's my preference. Keep writing. Liked the concept.
Positive criticism
You asked for positive criticism. I tend to agree with litereader54 and I liked the story. Although you started it in the past tense and changed to the present which will annoy some readers. Also you have used the 2nd person, ie; you do this, you did that, and that is often difficult to pull off. Write some more.
Thanks guys
I do struggle a bit to describe from 3rd person perspective, from the point of view that I am witnessing when these stories are commentaries. I feel I need to be describing feelings and actions.
I will attempt to do so in future and see what i can come up with. Can anyone point me to some other stories written well in the 3rd person perspective.
Thank you again,
David
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