Held Hostage and Forcibly Fucked

Good first story

I enjoyed it. More, please.

4 stars

well written,
good pace,
I liked it

Good good

I liked it good plot and everything.... But unless you are going to continue this as a series I think you should have ended the bank plot

minor grammatical and sentence structure issues

"cascading to the brush the small her back"
"Restrained and gagged, he was right."
The meanings are not impossible to grasp, but there is always a chance for misunderstanding, or for reader frustration with the effort of sorting through the two or more possibilities for where the brush & the restraints+gag are.

"The cheek he had stricken felt hot and raw." You might want to look up the conjugation of strike. http://en.bab.la/conjugation/english/strike

"He looked at her now breasts, now more elevated and exposed with a hunger, pulling a knife from his pocket." Most readers will not think breasts have hunger or can pull things like knives. Some may wonder what now breasts are.

"He pushed her down so that she was laying flat on the floor" "So Anna simply laid there" There is no shame in keeping a Lay vs. Lie reference close by while writing.
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/gramma r/lay-versus-lie

"spiraling around her them"
"He was being way to rough."

"When he was done, he took to licking circles around her clitoris, becoming smaller and smaller" He is unlikely to shrink at this point in the story, same for the clitoris. Some placements of modifying phrases relative to verbs and nouns impose more (or less) burden on the reader to decide; what becomes smaller: circles, he, or her clitoris?

"hid head buried between her legs" There are probably some pictures of such an act to be found on the Internet. But in the unlikely event that this is what occurs in the story, an action that remarkable would seem to deserve more comment.

"He slapped her in the face, hard, and Anna stopped." A reader not caught up in the plot development might wonder what stopped.

"and thrusted slowly into her." "staring down at her beautiful body while he thrusted into her. " Conjugation of thrust is here:
http://conjugator.reverso.net/conjugation-en glish-verb-thrust.html

"while he forced her to take all of him inside of her." Most every (especially male) reader should realize that all refers to a certain part of him, not all of him.

Apology offered for the lack of comments about plot, character development, dialogue, use of imagery/cliches, etc. When these "higher level" characteristics of your writing have become admirable, you don't want minor grammatical and sentence structure issues to detract from readers' appreciation of them.

Good writing, but a bit fast on the pace. If this is a stand-alone story, it needs more build-up and character development. If it's the first of many, it's not too bad but I think it could have been slowed down more and dwelt a bit on the protagonist.

Hopefully, we'll see our humiliated lass come back for a second story where she tries to come to terms finding out that she really likes the non-consensual, rough, degrading sex. Maybe she seeks out someone that can treat her similarly, but on a regular basis?

Thank you for all feedback!

Hey, it's the author here. Thanks for reading my story and especially for taking the time to write a comment. Yes, yes, the grammatical errors! I'm so sorry! It's been a very long time since I've written, and this was done very late in the night. My regret is that I didn't save it, edit in the morning, and THEN submit it. There are some lazy mistakes in there, and it's distracting to the story.

It's very fast-paced, I know. Normally my problem is that my stories are too slow and long-winded, a problem I might be overly sensitive to, because I was trying to counter it by writing a minimalistic short story. However, short story doesn't HAVE to mean fast-paced. I think I tried to do too much in too small of a space, and that means quality might be sacrificed. Once again, I regret not looking it over after getting some sleep.

Again, thanks for all feedback. Please don't be shy, keep it coming. I am a novice, I need help. Thanks for being kind to me, I was very worried that I'd be ridiculed. I am working on a story this week, but this time I'm going to take my time to perfect it. Anon, a special thanks to you for that very thoughtful criticism and thank you for the links - they've been helpful!

Do...

... write more.

That is all.

Omg

Omg I wish someone would do this to me. So. Turned. On.

Yesssss

Please write more!!!
Grammatical errors be damned! That was really delicious, panties officially wet here that's for sure! Hope you write lots more asap!

love it

Please write more!!!

Turned OFF!

Nasty, violent story. She got her revenge by going to the Police. The DNA convicted them and they spent 16 years in prison and had felony records the rest of their lives, which effectively ruined them. Idiotic story.

nice

This was a great story you should add more though

sex wanted hard way easy dick sucking,..pussy sucking also

incest best fucking and sucking cunt,whole family join in the crowed, from 9 to 90 all are fucking,sucking ass holes any one that wants to join in the big fun,,,,,

Abrupt ending

Is there more? Story does not have a real conclusion