All Comments on 'Julie is Trapped'

Or maybe I should write, "Pete doesn't know how to write. Pete accidentally hit the 'ENTER' key to submit this 'story'. The reader will keep an eye on author's names to avoid reading more of Pete's stories. The reader thinks that anyone who writes in present tense is fairly clueless. The reader can't recall more than a handful of stories written in present tense, out of what must be literally hundreds of attempts, that don't suck. The reader has come to understand that if a story is written in present tense, it already has at least two strikes against it. The reader can confirm that this story earned the third strike. It's out."

At best

From a severe lack of English writing skills, including grammar, sentence and paragraph structure to name but a few. I suppose I could cut the author some slack if English isn't the primary language spoken in the house, but ...... sorry, no. If nothing else, write this in your native language, then get it translated. Then get someone to proofread it. Then, throw it in the trash and start over.

It looked like all you did was have a ( half assed) roleplay with some one then copied and pasted it into a story format. It would have been good if the grammer structure was different.

Is this spider from Mirkwood?

Well I liked it, but i really hope that if you do a next chapter that it will be better than the first, not that the first was bad, I just think that it could have had a big more ... Um that's it so yeah good story