A good first story. Please continue it if you would - I will be keeping an eye out for further submissions. Beware of the anonymous posters - their opinions can be lacking in value (and good spelling).
wouldnt mind a sequal from krista pov after allen comes home. i would suggest an editor though. for my only real critique on the storyline him being ok with the way bob touches her doesnt go with the way she was and his feelings about it when he was a kid
Keep it up! I got the impression that it was more a remembrance than fiction.
by
Anonymous03/12/14
keep it up!!!
I liked your story.i'm happy that you had it stay a love story.it looked like you were going to have them swap,and have mom go back to her slut ways.why did you have all of that flirting?the son was mad at how she was when he was a kid,i don't think he would like it now.so why have it in the story?i hope you will tell us that you we thinking. I would love hear from you.i think you are a very good writer. Hope you have more storys to come!!!
by
Anonymous03/12/14
I fear the worst...
I think the anon before me has said what I fear the worst...the mom going back to her slutty ways (and the son encouraging).
The one reason that I like mom-son incest stories so much, is because of how pure and true the love between them is. No petty bickering or games.
Now admittedly, your story got off on a wrong start (in my humble opinion), with the mom being such a slut and all. Nevertheless, I gave it a try, and was glad to see the romance blossom between the two. Then Bob came along and almost took a dump on that.
So here is what I feel after reading (all of them are my opinions, so don't get offended)
1) A very good, solid first story. The start and end were not exactly too my personal taste, but still very well written and just the right length.
2) I don't think this needs a sequel. Too often, writers who continue their stories end up introducing new characters, in an attempt to keep it fresh, destroying the mom-son dynamic.
3) I would certainly enjoy reading your further works, as long as they don't stray too far from the mom-son bit.
by
Anonymous03/12/14
nice
Nice, but, for a woman fighting an addiction things are moving pretty fast and freely. Good story and the characters are good for each other, but there needs to be some sort of explanation or event that ties them together romantically and permanently besides the awesome sex. Sex was an issue in his childhood. And what of Bob and his handling of her body so openly and oftenly - what is his story? Grandma? She almost decided to seduce him once and the memory is described when he comes home. Does she? Did she get her 'fake tits' with him in mind? Just thoughts to consider. But having said all of that, still, I love the story.
Bob was just a silly, randy, old man. BUT, I see your point regarding the mother's/bob's flirtatious behavior. Maybe I could've handled that better. Perhaps they have history between them, perhaps she was channeling her past sluttiness and flirted back. Maybe her son didn't see an issue with it b/c he learned to forgive her and let things go, or perhaps b/c Bob wasn't intimidating. Just a silly old man having fun. But yes, I should've changed it or explored that better.
There were sentences that missed needed words which I mentally filled. However the quality of the story was so wonderful it earned five stars!
by
Anonymous03/12/14
Bob
He is a little to free with the hands and Krista should have put a stop to it. Glad you kept Krista from going back to a slut.
by
Anonymous03/12/14
I loved the story..
I really hope you continue to write stories. I really enjoyed the story other than when Bob was being randy as you called it. Oddly i wish she hadn't had her tubes tied and he knocked her up, even though i know theres a chance of birth defects from incest. I can relate to the characters in this story because my sister is similar to Krista and her two daughters were raised by my parents from the time she split from her first ex husband. They have the same feeling as Allen did before returning from war.
For your first story id have to say, not bad, your off to a great start. Some advise i would give you tho would be maybe a little bit more dialog on the sex. When it comes to story length IMO the longer the story the better it is, plot wise a build up is always key to a good story.
The only down side i think i saw was how quick the sex came to be, IMO stories that end up like "Hey mom i like you sexually" "Alright son lets do it" are a really big let down. (unless you make a quick stroke story) In this story it just seemed like the sex was a little rushed, they laid in bed next thing we know he takes his shorts off and has sex with her. But that's just me
Very good first story, id say you should keep writing.
by
Anonymous03/12/14
WELL DONE!
Loved your pace and the small things you thought to add. Too often the need for an initial character touch is rushed. That reaching out to touch her tummy was a well thought out piece of writing.
start to finish, loved the way you told the story. If only one more chapter had gramma visiting and wanting to share in her daughters happiness and experience that 9 in. loving .
by
Anonymous03/12/14
a really good story
I liked the story a lot, but I agree that this story should end here. Icertainly think you should continue to write, though.
sailor61
by
Anonymous03/12/14
Good sex
Allen and Krista do love each other, and they love hotly. I'd like to see Allen with some hair to grace that manly and muscular chest, something for Krista to run her fingers through during their make-out sessions. That can be very sexy to have your lover running her hands over your hairy pecs or through your treasure trail before or after intercourse!
it's really good for your first story. I'd like to read more from you.
by
Anonymous03/13/14
the only thing this story needs
is an editor to correct the many grammar mistakes but 5* anyway
by
Anonymous03/13/14
WELL DONE
A beautiful first (scratch that, just a beautiful) story. Based on issues in my own life, the beginning had tears rolling down my cheeks. I will agree with others who say that this doesn't need a part II, it is an awesome story stand alone. To maybe put this more in perspective, I am a 53 year old male veteran, good job.
by
Anonymous03/13/14
More please
Hey dude tell us more about this crazy and great story!
if you want two stories - 1) bob and robin and 2) Allen and Krista
write them as separate stories. please. you jumped really fast from allen not even wanting to see his mother because of her past behaviour, to having them sleep in the same bed. While his relationship with his grandmother was supportive and motherly, leave it that way. please. bob is a dirty old man at 70 and has no business flirting openly with the daughter of his gf. have him keep his hands to himself. if he won't do it on his own, the reformed krista should do it for him, forcefully. if she weakens and doesn't, allen should show him what a marine thinks of jerks who want to mess up other peoples lives.
if it is your intention to take this into a multigenerational sex romp, why spend the time building up the characters as you did in chapters 1 through 5? And if you do, I am out of here. you might just as well have left krista as she was before he escaped to the marines.
I was disappointed when you had mom allowing Bob to grope Crista on the dance floor and previous to that, grabbing her tit's and ass. A rational mind would think that mom wouldn't stand for that behavior. That would be due to her overwhelming desired not to look like a tramp to her son, again. Also, the sex scenes were pretty dull.
by
Anonymous03/14/14
great story
I definitely think this story warrants a sequel. I'd like to see Krista fool around with Bob and the same for Robin and Allen.
This story is so well written it is hard to believe that it is your first.
It is a beautiful story of lovers together, without the use force, violence or threats as in some of these on this subject site.
I appreciated the building of an appropriate level of need and seduction, and the love-scene descriptions were quite good without resorting to comical groans and shouts.
Great beginning, and I hope for more from you
by
Anonymous03/15/14
A 5 star for content and effort
Really well written, had to believe it is all fiction!
The grandmother's romance bit was an unnecessary digression in a really touching tale of repentance and reconciliation.
by
Anonymous03/16/14
Wonderful
Thank you for a brilliant story. Enjoyed it thoroughly and look forward to more stories of the same quality and subject.
Holtarn
by
Anonymous03/16/14
pretty good
Was pretty good. It wasnt just sex scene after sex scene and it didnt get too crazy, like everyone having sex together like most stories do. Way over the top. It was actually fairy well done.
by
Anonymous03/20/14
i liked it
what i didn't like was the mother flirting with grannys boyfriend in front of her son after they had already fucked and him getting turned on like a cuckie
but the rest was hot tho
by
Anonymous03/21/14
Good effort!
In fact, a very good effort for the standard of this site. Yes, you need an editor or just a proofreader to start off. Even so, your problems were relatively minor. One quirk you seem to have is the use of anatomical words like pectoral, especially in a sex scene. Perhaps it's a matter of taste, but, while womb and cervix are great descriptive terms during an erotic passage, having her kiss his "chest" just sounds more normal than kissing his "pectoral" even if it amounts to the same place.
As the majority has said, the whole dirty Bob angle was poorly suited to an otherwise superior redemption-romance story of love between mother and son. I think, as a long-time 'lingerer" of the site as you called yourself, you will already realize that there is a significant (if very loud) minority of readers who want stories in this section to degenerate into all-out swapping bisexual orgies. You managed to write a sexual encounter between two real people instead of just ripping off a random porno video scene, so don't give into the orgy fans and you'll develop very well. This tale has reached a natural ending so don't try and shoehorn random crap into your characters' lives just to please the stroke porn fans.
Thanks for the good read and I'll check out your next story.
MPP
by
Anonymous03/23/14
Gracious Storytelling
Your storytelling has a soft grace that encourages acceptance. There's no need to conform to anyone's wishes. You're doing just fine.
This is a great first..and I read your next one too...keep 'em coming...you have talent and entertained me too!!!
by
Anonymous04/18/14
Random thoughts.
Great story, very believable; except gran and boy friend. Would like to see you write similar story's, perhaps father daughter or mother daughter. About the inclusion of gran and her boyfriend, it tended to bring back his mothers previous lifestyle. Not what was needed. Perhaps sex with gran after mum and son caught by gran. Keep writing.
loved the story line up to the parts with grams boyfriend its making mom look like a slut again the rest was perfect although couldve used alot more sex in it very well written keep it up
I liked the story very much. You had good chemistry with the son and the mother along with the grandmother but the part with the boyfriend was weird and made it look like she is falling back into old habits. It is a super good story and I hope you continue to write more.
For your first story this was a good start. You definitely need to read your stories 2-3 times so that you find the errors such as spelling and words added or missing. After you have checked it out then give it to an editor to see if they can find anything you missed or make suggestions to improve.
great story i loved it from the get go except when mom was slutting around but soon realized where the story was going knew it was how it had to be didnt quite like grannys boyfriend playing with mom didnt really see the point there at all except to maybe make the story a little longer wouldve been nice if son had gotten moms backdoor as i like the anal stories with mom myself great story keep writing
Great storyline the only character I didn't like was Granny's fat Santa boyfriend if I was the son I would've punched him so bloody hard he would've taken off like a rocket back to the North Pole and yes, you were quite right there were some issues as you stated . You certainly wouldn't win the Nobel prize for literature with this one but who gives a fuck, I don't . I thoroughly enjoyed the story you presented and that's what counts. A sequel, I think not but there again it's totally up to you. You write it I'll read it. You got 5 stars from this grama nazzi,
I agree 100% with Kookaburra8. All too often you see the characters in these stories change from a loving, caring mother to an all out fuck slut. You didn't do that with this story. They remained true and committed to each other and I liked that. A truly great story.
English
Nice
A good first story. Please continue it if you would - I will be keeping an eye out for further submissions. Beware of the anonymous posters - their opinions can be lacking in value (and good spelling).
wouldnt mind a sequal from krista pov after allen comes home. i would suggest an editor though. for my only real critique on the storyline him being ok with the way bob touches her doesnt go with the way she was and his feelings about it when he was a kid
you have talent..
Keep it up! I got the impression that it was more a remembrance than fiction.
keep it up!!!
I liked your story.i'm happy that you had it stay a love story.it looked like you were going to have them swap,and have mom go back to her slut ways.why did you have all of that flirting?the son was mad at how she was when he was a kid,i don't think he would like it now.so why have it in the story?i hope you will tell us that you we thinking. I would love hear from you.i think you are a very good writer. Hope you have more storys to come!!!
I fear the worst...
I think the anon before me has said what I fear the worst...the mom going back to her slutty ways (and the son encouraging).
The one reason that I like mom-son incest stories so much, is because of how pure and true the love between them is. No petty bickering or games.
Now admittedly, your story got off on a wrong start (in my humble opinion), with the mom being such a slut and all. Nevertheless, I gave it a try, and was glad to see the romance blossom between the two. Then Bob came along and almost took a dump on that.
So here is what I feel after reading (all of them are my opinions, so don't get offended)
1) A very good, solid first story. The start and end were not exactly too my personal taste, but still very well written and just the right length.
2) I don't think this needs a sequel. Too often, writers who continue their stories end up introducing new characters, in an attempt to keep it fresh, destroying the mom-son dynamic.
3) I would certainly enjoy reading your further works, as long as they don't stray too far from the mom-son bit.
nice
Nice, but, for a woman fighting an addiction things are moving pretty fast and freely. Good story and the characters are good for each other, but there needs to be some sort of explanation or event that ties them together romantically and permanently besides the awesome sex. Sex was an issue in his childhood. And what of Bob and his handling of her body so openly and oftenly - what is his story? Grandma? She almost decided to seduce him once and the memory is described when he comes home. Does she? Did she get her 'fake tits' with him in mind? Just thoughts to consider. But having said all of that, still, I love the story.
Bob
Bob was just a silly, randy, old man. BUT, I see your point regarding the mother's/bob's flirtatious behavior. Maybe I could've handled that better. Perhaps they have history between them, perhaps she was channeling her past sluttiness and flirted back. Maybe her son didn't see an issue with it b/c he learned to forgive her and let things go, or perhaps b/c Bob wasn't intimidating. Just a silly old man having fun. But yes, I should've changed it or explored that better.
Five stars
There were sentences that missed needed words which I mentally filled. However the quality of the story was so wonderful it earned five stars!
Bob
He is a little to free with the hands and Krista should have put a stop to it. Glad you kept Krista from going back to a slut.
I loved the story..
I really hope you continue to write stories. I really enjoyed the story other than when Bob was being randy as you called it. Oddly i wish she hadn't had her tubes tied and he knocked her up, even though i know theres a chance of birth defects from incest. I can relate to the characters in this story because my sister is similar to Krista and her two daughters were raised by my parents from the time she split from her first ex husband. They have the same feeling as Allen did before returning from war.
Very good.
For your first story id have to say, not bad, your off to a great start. Some advise i would give you tho would be maybe a little bit more dialog on the sex. When it comes to story length IMO the longer the story the better it is, plot wise a build up is always key to a good story.
The only down side i think i saw was how quick the sex came to be, IMO stories that end up like "Hey mom i like you sexually" "Alright son lets do it" are a really big let down. (unless you make a quick stroke story) In this story it just seemed like the sex was a little rushed, they laid in bed next thing we know he takes his shorts off and has sex with her. But that's just me
Very good first story, id say you should keep writing.
WELL DONE!
Loved your pace and the small things you thought to add. Too often the need for an initial character touch is rushed. That reaching out to touch her tummy was a well thought out piece of writing.
start to finish, loved the way you told the story. If only one more chapter had gramma visiting and wanting to share in her daughters happiness and experience that 9 in. loving .
a really good story
I liked the story a lot, but I agree that this story should end here. Icertainly think you should continue to write, though.
sailor61
Good sex
Allen and Krista do love each other, and they love hotly. I'd like to see Allen with some hair to grace that manly and muscular chest, something for Krista to run her fingers through during their make-out sessions. That can be very sexy to have your lover running her hands over your hairy pecs or through your treasure trail before or after intercourse!
keep writing
it's really good for your first story. I'd like to read more from you.
the only thing this story needs
is an editor to correct the many grammar mistakes but 5* anyway
WELL DONE
A beautiful first (scratch that, just a beautiful) story. Based on issues in my own life, the beginning had tears rolling down my cheeks. I will agree with others who say that this doesn't need a part II, it is an awesome story stand alone. To maybe put this more in perspective, I am a 53 year old male veteran, good job.
More please
Hey dude tell us more about this crazy and great story!
Keep the keyboard moving.
You have a great story here that needs more chapters. Thanks.
if you want two stories - 1) bob and robin and 2) Allen and Krista
write them as separate stories. please. you jumped really fast from allen not even wanting to see his mother because of her past behaviour, to having them sleep in the same bed. While his relationship with his grandmother was supportive and motherly, leave it that way. please. bob is a dirty old man at 70 and has no business flirting openly with the daughter of his gf. have him keep his hands to himself. if he won't do it on his own, the reformed krista should do it for him, forcefully. if she weakens and doesn't, allen should show him what a marine thinks of jerks who want to mess up other peoples lives.
if it is your intention to take this into a multigenerational sex romp, why spend the time building up the characters as you did in chapters 1 through 5? And if you do, I am out of here. you might just as well have left krista as she was before he escaped to the marines.
I'm with rightbank...
I was disappointed when you had mom allowing Bob to grope Crista on the dance floor and previous to that, grabbing her tit's and ass. A rational mind would think that mom wouldn't stand for that behavior. That would be due to her overwhelming desired not to look like a tramp to her son, again. Also, the sex scenes were pretty dull.
great story
I definitely think this story warrants a sequel. I'd like to see Krista fool around with Bob and the same for Robin and Allen.
First Story?
This story is so well written it is hard to believe that it is your first.
It is a beautiful story of lovers together, without the use force, violence or threats as in some of these on this subject site.
I appreciated the building of an appropriate level of need and seduction, and the love-scene descriptions were quite good without resorting to comical groans and shouts.
Great beginning, and I hope for more from you
A 5 star for content and effort
Really well written, had to believe it is all fiction!
The grandmother's romance bit was an unnecessary digression in a really touching tale of repentance and reconciliation.
Wonderful
Thank you for a brilliant story. Enjoyed it thoroughly and look forward to more stories of the same quality and subject.
Holtarn
pretty good
Was pretty good. It wasnt just sex scene after sex scene and it didnt get too crazy, like everyone having sex together like most stories do. Way over the top. It was actually fairy well done.
i liked it
what i didn't like was the mother flirting with grannys boyfriend in front of her son after they had already fucked and him getting turned on like a cuckie
but the rest was hot tho
Good effort!
In fact, a very good effort for the standard of this site. Yes, you need an editor or just a proofreader to start off. Even so, your problems were relatively minor. One quirk you seem to have is the use of anatomical words like pectoral, especially in a sex scene. Perhaps it's a matter of taste, but, while womb and cervix are great descriptive terms during an erotic passage, having her kiss his "chest" just sounds more normal than kissing his "pectoral" even if it amounts to the same place.
As the majority has said, the whole dirty Bob angle was poorly suited to an otherwise superior redemption-romance story of love between mother and son. I think, as a long-time 'lingerer" of the site as you called yourself, you will already realize that there is a significant (if very loud) minority of readers who want stories in this section to degenerate into all-out swapping bisexual orgies. You managed to write a sexual encounter between two real people instead of just ripping off a random porno video scene, so don't give into the orgy fans and you'll develop very well. This tale has reached a natural ending so don't try and shoehorn random crap into your characters' lives just to please the stroke porn fans.
Thanks for the good read and I'll check out your next story.
MPP
Gracious Storytelling
Your storytelling has a soft grace that encourages acceptance. There's no need to conform to anyone's wishes. You're doing just fine.
Keep it up: you're very good!
Great First!
This is a great first..and I read your next one too...keep 'em coming...you have talent and entertained me too!!!
Random thoughts.
Great story, very believable; except gran and boy friend. Would like to see you write similar story's, perhaps father daughter or mother daughter. About the inclusion of gran and her boyfriend, it tended to bring back his mothers previous lifestyle. Not what was needed. Perhaps sex with gran after mum and son caught by gran. Keep writing.
really good
loved the story line up to the parts with grams boyfriend its making mom look like a slut again the rest was perfect although couldve used alot more sex in it very well written keep it up
more
I enjoyed your story a lot, 5 pages i Read it so fast. Great job
lovely
great story, had me in tears.
Anonymius
I liked the story very much. You had good chemistry with the son and the mother along with the grandmother but the part with the boyfriend was weird and made it look like she is falling back into old habits. It is a super good story and I hope you continue to write more.
Good first
For your first story this was a good start. You definitely need to read your stories 2-3 times so that you find the errors such as spelling and words added or missing. After you have checked it out then give it to an editor to see if they can find anything you missed or make suggestions to improve.
read both stories and love them
very nice
great story i loved it from the get go except when mom was slutting around but soon realized where the story was going knew it was how it had to be didnt quite like grannys boyfriend playing with mom didnt really see the point there at all except to maybe make the story a little longer wouldve been nice if son had gotten moms backdoor as i like the anal stories with mom myself great story keep writing
more
more chapters
Interesting oedipal romance
I like how you made Krista a mess and Allen confused/pissed about it as they would be IRL and wrote their reapprochment scene very well.
My thought is, sure I like that they're lovers, and dearly hope they ride off into the sunset together more or less happily.
A lovely story, with honestly written consummation of incestuous desires. I'm eager to see what else you do!.
it was a bit of a stretch to go from not wanting to see or talk to her
and then sleeping together as if old lovers.
and Bob should keep his hands to himself!!!
5*
id say if you enjoy writing, keep doing it and i will keep reading it. GOOD JOB!!!
Wow
This was your first attempt? It was great, very real, a good story-line. Keep writing!
GL
I liked it pretty much.
I did think he had the right to tell Bob to not be so handy with Krista and he should have spoken to her about it. I would have done both.
hello
let me say i wonderful story love to read more
Mehh -_-
You call this a smut story??
Great story I loved it
Great storyline the only character I didn't like was Granny's fat Santa boyfriend if I was the son I would've punched him so bloody hard he would've taken off like a rocket back to the North Pole and yes, you were quite right there were some issues as you stated . You certainly wouldn't win the Nobel prize for literature with this one but who gives a fuck, I don't . I thoroughly enjoyed the story you presented and that's what counts. A sequel, I think not but there again it's totally up to you. You write it I'll read it. You got 5 stars from this grama nazzi,
Wow!
A wonderful and very well written story! Thank you!
A good one
I agree 100% with Kookaburra8. All too often you see the characters in these stories change from a loving, caring mother to an all out fuck slut. You didn't do that with this story. They remained true and committed to each other and I liked that. A truly great story.
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