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English
Where is this going?
The writing is improving, and I can't not like the titular sluts, who are right up my um... alley, but the story as a whole could do with an arc. The first chapter made no sense, and it doesn’t seem to have anywhere else to go from here, especially now that Mike is gone.
I totally understand
The chapters up to 08 were kind of written and then cut and pasted kind of to save room. I didn't save them onto my computer so, while I did bring up the previous chapter submitted and used it as sort of a guide for the next, I kind of just typed to see where the story would take me. Basically it kind of came to what popped into my mind. I guess it also didn't help that I jumped between a lot of different characters in the first place. If I revisit the Red Lounge in another series I'm going to try to do better with the story arc.
Hopefully, now that I've been saving the new ones, there might be a little bit more continuity. Not completely sure if I should commit to that promise though. As for where this is going, I have two vague plans for the end and they are sort of materializing so, you know, stay tuned.
That explains a lot.
OK, so you were making it up as you go along. That's why the plot is inconsistent and lacks focus. Nine chapters of pointless murder is probably enough I would think. Also you have explained NOTHING about how that bloke in chapter one got the parasite on the first place. In fact most of the chapters make no sense whatsoever.
And you just killed off the one character you gave some personality to. Nice one.
Personally, I would stop and decide where you are going with the plot. Hell, to be honest it needs a complete rewrite to make any sense. No offense, but it needs a hell of a lot of sorting out.
a bit hard to read
reading this actually made me nauseous. the paragraphs and sentences jerk back and forth badly. is very creative but I think a lot more time needs to go into this
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