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good but . . .
You refer to Marcus as Jarrod in a couple of spots.
"My Lords..." Jarrod began haltingly.
puzzled Jarrod as he finished speaking
only minor problems....
Besides a bit of grammar problems and misnaming, an excellent series that I hope you continue!
story flow
I understand wanting to maintain some type of story flow with chapter structure but this wasn't really a chapter. Just far too short. It screams for more details and embellishment. I would at the very least include more from Marcus and his thoughts on the journey to his flat.
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