All Comments on 'Sign of the Times'

by carvohi

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  • 303 Comments
elHosedelHosedalmost 10 years ago
Interesting story...

...about a rather foolish man. I had to skip/skim most of this as the guy was rather annoying to me. "Huh?!" seemed to be his go-to thought process.

One pet-peeve I have with all these stories is when people say their partners are "too good for them". Seriously?! What kind of low-esteem do these people hold themselves in? If they chose you and you chose them then how can either be too good for the other?

bassraybassrayalmost 10 years ago
Sweet Story

Really nice people in this crazy mixed up world. I'm glad they surmounted the crap and came out on top. It's a tough world for sensitive people.

bruce22bruce22almost 10 years ago
Good Posting

I had the vague impression that the Author was a BTB specialist, but this was a great romance. Unfortunately for some of the readers the protagonist does have some fairly wimpy attitudes... Thanks

MaresEatOatsMaresEatOatsalmost 10 years ago
Tangled web

But heck, I don't always want to wander the same pathways. It was a sweet, unexpected spin.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Wonderful

This is an all-time favorite. A beautiful story.

hebert100hebert100almost 10 years ago
Nice

thanks for a really nice story. did a great job on the husband. at first I didn't understand the wife, but you did a really good job of explaining her through others. I will wait impatiently for your next story. THANK YOU

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Well carvohi, you've hit some clunkers in the past...and this one...well....

I think you hit it out of the park!!! Homerun! Top Score! Vast improvement! If someone finds fault, well someone can ALWAYS find a fault. But I am happy to vote 5 stars for what has to be your best work to date. Congratulations! And thanks!

One comment on the writing here: I think the best part was the character development. It may have taken 10 pages, but the time spent was worth it. These characters were developed very well, and slowly but surely, you revealed the why's and how's about them to reach towards a heartfelt and well deserved reconciliation. Again, GREAT JOB!

emeraldknight74emeraldknight74almost 10 years ago
Nice

Expected a BTB and got true love....nice change for this category!

IrfonIrfonalmost 10 years ago
Good one !!

...just don't do it again !! :-))

You rascal you - as Anon said - unusual for this Category,,I'll say it is !

sugnasugnaalmost 10 years ago
Good but Weird and some questions

Her secret was kept for all those years? His brothers secret was kept for all those years? She wouldn't tell him about the motel? Why did she have to meet in a motel? Was he such a weakling he couldn't face the truth?

A lie of omission is still a lie. A lie to protect someone's unrealistic image of another is just silly. A lie to protect a criminal is just wrong. The parents were not much help either. If his dad was really such a man, he would have raised a son to be a man and to deal with life as it is. His brother was a low life rapist murderer. The truth is ALWAYS best. Lies are like bad data, garbage in garbage out. Except in the case of the brain, lies can lead to emotional pain and mental illness. Again, why the motel? How did his sister know about this rare meeting? Unexplained plot points tear the fabric of the story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
OK. Gave you a 5 but

Like one of your other readers, I had to skip/skim.

It's a short story.

Just because you find it easy to keep throwing words on the screen doesn't mean you should.

Keep writing but be more brutal with your editing.

TMSPTGR3TMSPTGR3almost 10 years ago
Fascinating

5* for reasons I'm not sure of. Different characters, different plot, off-center writing. Read it all, most of the time having no idea where you were going. Odd ending that makes no story a story. I don't know how many stories like this I would like or whether I would ever re-read this one but kudos to the author.

Rogn123Rogn123almost 10 years ago
the rest of the story

They had a baby boy and she just insisted on naming him RAlph

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Rambling piece of shit

1) The writing is all over the place.

2) You clearly have no idea how to use commas.

3) "Me and Daphne's sex life..." For real? and then,

4) You supposed it was what it was supposed to be?

Too many other examples of just painfully bad writing, and too much writing even if it was good.

Get an editor...

tazz317tazz317almost 10 years ago
DURING THE SIGN OF THE TIMES

music always plays an integral portion of it, TK U MLJ LV NV

TellataleTellatalealmost 10 years ago
Good story line But

Way too long. It rambles, sometimes without reason. Would bet better if half as long and more direct.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
i can't read a

story where the author has the main character with an I.Q. of ten if this fellow ran an office how stupid were the employees sorry a good comedy maybe, thanks for the effort but not my cup of tea.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
A little too long...

and what did Hillary really know? Hillary got the ball rolling with her party comments about fidelity and the following email but it turns out she was completely wrong. That angle just didn't work.

Still a decent read though...

RealDocRealDocalmost 10 years ago
way 2 long

and rambling. Cuckold dad who is borderline competent complains when super competent wife makes one serious mistake then flounders. I just couldn't get into this rambling go nowhere story.

thebuffalothebuffaloalmost 10 years ago

You most likely poured your heart and soul into this piece. I wish I could say something positive about it, but I can't.

The characters are absolutely unbelievable. Your lead character, Cale, is .... I'm not sure what he is; certainly not likeable or strong.

The plot is more than the equal of the characters. Totally unbelievable.

The length is unbearable. Two pages would have been more than enough.

I am sorry. Normally I would not have commented on a piece like this, but you asked.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Different than usual but unreadable.

Too many issues to count, like why did Hillary send the email anonymously if she was going to tell her brother? Why didn't she confront the wife? How could he claim to trust her implicitly if, at the first moment of questionable doubt, he assumes she's cheating on him before he gets all the facts? Throw in the cadence of his speech and I was unable to believe he was a stock analyst. He seemed more like an idiot than the high pressure analyst he claimed to be.

You spent over two pages illustrating how perfect, how wonderful, how amazing she was and how in love the two were; it was so perfect, it became a liability to the story. No one is that perfect. No one is that wonderful or selfless or dedicated to their spouse.

After two pages, I didn't even care if she had cheated or not, I just hoped they divorced and she took him to the fucking cleaners for being a douchebag in the 21st Century.

jackfrostedjackfrostedalmost 10 years ago
Mr. C strikes out

C, sorry this just doesn't 'cut the mustard.' Your lead character is far too weak, self absorbed and a fiction of a man. Your talent for pathos is extreme, but drudgedly (?) wasted. I have never found an acceptable character with such impossibly low self esteem. Yes all have flaws, but really............?

Jack

JounarJounaralmost 10 years ago
just to weird and to out there

The premise for this story is just way to improbable. A woman who loves her husband that much is going to allow his and their children's lives not to mention her own, get destroyed by allowing him think she had an affair?

Finding out the truth about his brother would of been awful for hubby but losing his wife, kids and perfect life is the better option in her mind? Just insane. Wifey not calling him when he left again, allowing the separation to happen, and moving into the basement never mind the suicide attempt is too contrived and makes zero sense considering this woman's character ! As for the entire reason for meeting STD guy, how could the fool think her lying about sleeping with him would not fuck up her marriage?

The amount the reader has to suspend belief for this tale to work is so much you might as well of had aliens in the story!

overthehillmedicoverthehillmedicalmost 10 years ago
Great read,

Glad to see she did not cheat on him after all.

SW_MO_HermitSW_MO_Hermitalmost 10 years ago
Not Up to Snuff

I like most of your submissions. This one was just so-so. The husband was just too damn stupid and wimpy to live. I almost stopped reading after the third page but I kept on hoping he would grow a pair. This could have been a great story if the male lead had been more "manly". I'm not talking BTB here but forceful in personality. He couldn't have been a very good analyst with the personality you gave him. More of an accountant or research assistant at best.

The story itself seemed to be well written but it was really hard to tell because I focused on the damn dumb shit husband's personality too much.

oshawoshawalmost 10 years ago

Enjoyed the story. Thank you for posting it.

jackagjackagalmost 10 years ago
what's wrong with honesty?

I guess if she had been honest with him from the beggining then there would not be a story. I cannot understand why she would want to protect her boyfriend/future husband's shit brother. She should have filed charges against him for rape.

His brother should never been allowed the hero worship he showed for him.

There were failures on many fronts , both wife and family.

even now the sister should be made aware of what chis was.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
8 pages of this BOOOOOORING shit before ....

Before we Cale the world biggest faggot get a clue

Rhsc1Rhsc1almost 10 years ago
A bit long winded

I still give it a 5 because it is entertaining. Maybe it is a little out there...but Still a fun read.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Try to write with more brevity and clarity.

Read Xleg's story today and compare his style to yours. His words move the story along. Yours just take up space. Maybe something in between would be good. I don't care about Romney, husband's basement, father's job, etc., etc. Maybe if this was intended to be the Great American Novel and there was relevance to the extra words it would make sense to me to have them.

Mind you I am not a critic or particularly good at English and I may be steering you wrong but this is just my humble opinion. I haven't had time to finish the story and just wanted to get this off my chest.

Tw0Cr0wsTw0Cr0wsalmost 10 years ago
incoherent rambling

WTF was this ?

First his sister tells him that his wife is a round-heeled slut then takes him to a lawyer who tells him to keep her.

What does Hillary have against Daphne ?

If this guy is typical of the people running businesses it is no wonder that the economy is in the toilet.

A bumbling incompetent that his boss thinks is irreplaceable ?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Secrets can be too surprising

carvohi,

The secret about the real past relationship between Chris and Daphne was truly a surprise and the strength of your plot. Unfortunately, to get the reader there required some unrealistic plot devices. How did Hillary discover that Daphne was meeting with Ralph? Why would Daphne agree to meet Ralph in a hotel room when they had previously been meeting and talking in more public places? And most importantly, why didn't Daphne just tell Cale that his friend Ralph was in trouble and needed her to give him an alibi for the STD he contracted. Of course her alleged fling with Ralph was all made up, but she could try to convince Cale it might help save his friend's marriage to Ginger. Cale would probably not agree to such a ridiculous story to tell Ginger, but at least he would not think that Daphne was cheating on him.

Don't worry if some readers don't like your main character Cale. You just need to make him believable, not necessarily appealing or a role model to emulate.

Tim413Tim413almost 10 years ago
A very good story.

I loved the "dishonorable discharge in my pants" line! Too many writers omit details that are necessary to understand the story. This story had way too many details, digressions, etc. Daphne was too strong and loved her family too much to attempt suicide. She was not strong enough, however, to do all of the housework she accomplished the Sat. she came home from the hospital.

OverthefallsOverthefallsalmost 10 years ago
Good, entertaining story but.....

Like many other commentators, this seemed a bit long winded and at times it rambled. And hubby really seemed a bit whiny at times. For a guy supposedly great at his job he didn't seem to be able to manage anything in his life, from his wife to his health. Next time, maybe some better editing?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
A good story , entertaining , a little long .

A interesting turn of events, she married down, his brother was a fraud who raped his wife and it all got twisted . He thought she was cheating and it almost came tumbling down. Of course eyes were opened , and we have a happy ending.

jlesliejlesliealmost 10 years ago
Honesty

Honesty is the bedrock of relationships. That includes discussing even the most difficult things in a marriage. The rape of one's intended shortly before the wedding should not be a secret from the groom. All this "protecting" was misguided at best. Were I the husband/son, I would have felt that no one trusted my love or decency.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
WHY

After I finished this story, I said WHY did I waste my time reading this BULL SHIT. It was like reading one od Stang`s long Bull Shit stories. First it was too long. Second it was full of useless material. Third, It was just as crappy story.

dinkymacdinkymacalmost 10 years ago
Nice!

Thanks for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
I liked it.

I wrote a comment after reading the first two pages about not enough brevity and clarity. I do want to give you credit however. When you started moving the plot along in the last third or so of the story it flowed well and was a good read. I do appreciate your efforts and am glad I read the story. Keep writing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Too many details

Had to skip whole paragraphs at somepoints where there were excessive details.

Honestly, with the ending; Cale should tell Daphne he knows to relieve her of the stress of "keeping a secret" from him. Having any lies / deceit in a marriage can have devastating consequences; no matter how you may feel you are protecting the partner.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
WIMP crap

My reaction to this guy is DISGUST.

Plain. Simple. 100%.

As to kids, you can't live your life as a hostage to a cheater using kids as the leverage. Sorry.

I would rather be single than EVER live with a cheater.

It is my call and my life. You're welcome to yours.

artykay63artykay63almost 10 years ago
good for five pages long

I really liked the concept that he realised that he loved her despite her supposed infidelity before he found out the truth and that his life would be barely worth living without her.

the excessive detail took far too much up and I think you could easily edited it down to 5 pages.I was not too sure about the concept of him fucking her at the sink while the kids were commenting about the noises their mother was makng.

Also would he really have shut her up in the basement to live?

Any way thanks for the effort.

connoisseur29connoisseur29almost 10 years ago
**

I've enjoyed most of your tales up until now. The details were superfluous. Cale was made to look the ultimate wimp and immature. The parents were asses by being overprotective holding back the brother's demise. One good thing -- it was fiction. Cheers!

YathinkYathinkalmost 10 years ago
Didn't like it: way, way, WAY too many issues...

And just WHY did they have to meet in a HOTEL room????

"No proof"? What was sis, if not a witness?

A car (in the open, but at a location less likely to be seen than the local hotel) with the windows rolled up was not private enough?

Along those lines, is it possible wifey and Ralphy could have cooked up a story between themselves to keep their respect spouses from divorcing their worthless, cheating asses?

I mean, come on!

WHY did Ralphy need wifey to be his alibi? Saying he had an "affair" (with possible romantic overtones and attachments) with a friend's wife is somehow better than saying that he hooked up with a prostitute....????

And then of course, there is the little difficulty than neither wifey or Cale has an STD...

Asnd of course, what did wifey think Cale's reaction to the alleged affair (that supposedly never was) would be, other than divorce???

And of course, Mr. Righteous, who blackmails women in his job for sex, was nothing but "honorable" with wifey when he found her on the road....

Then there was to whole "she went with the brother (knowing he's a creep) to a remote place, just to talk, of course...".

Then of course, bro's in prison but everyone thinks he's a big shot someplace??? And missed Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, mail issues, etc and nobody thinks anything's amiss????

Etc, etc, etc

So, WAY too many wierd disconnects.

Regardless, thank you for writing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
edit edit edit

for length, good submission but should be half as long, thanks though

zed0zed0almost 10 years ago
Meh!

Long and rambling! Had to skim through last 8 pages. As near as I could tell there was a lot of holes in this story, and the plot was just plain stupid.

By the time I finally got to the end I didn't care anymore.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
zed0 the ped0, you nonce!

not within a hundred yards of a Chuck E Cheese you damn pederast!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
What a waste of talent

What a waste of talent. Excellent writing skills let down, yet again, by a shitty storyline, crappy character, and worst of all, the increasing scale of cock-sucking cum-chugging cucks.

Please take a page out of just plain bob or stang star's writings and lean towards a btb, even if slightly. Your cuck writings are absolutely nauseating and torturous, to say the least. Please use your gift to not write disgusting shit.

Managed to make it to the 8th page before the patheticness of the characters and limp-cocked story made me stop. That's time of my life I'll never get back.

Please do not write any more stories that "you've had brewing" in the head for a while - this is the 2nd consecutive story along those lines, and is even worse than anything else before - with the exception of curse of the scots.

Its like you never listen to anyone's comments about how your cuck writings suck ass. I give you negative ten stars. Please post your shit in another category so it doesn't come up in this genre again.

rothltdoadrothltdoadalmost 10 years ago
sigh*

Im not into public comments my friend but i saw too many damn fools makin comments that I had to say something.. I always enjoy ur stories they're a lot more real then the kick em to the curb guys. It was kindda a laugh cause u didnt give them reason to criticize that so they just burbled senselessly away lol.

In any case enjoyed the story thought u did an excellent job of hiding the surprises and im happy I read it. Always enjoy a happy ending. People do make mistakes and knee jerk reactions of revenge make little sense even if divorce is the right answer man you married her take responsibility for ur decisions it is rarely all the other guys/girls fault

thanks again for ur hard work and please keep writing.

Jim

GenghisKhanGenghisKhanalmost 10 years ago
husband's too annoying, AND STUPID, as a character

for me to enjoy the rather odd story, which was really nothing but a rape: cale's older brother, chris, raping the former's wife.

the story itself was not that bad, really.

but the APPROACH the author used in this case ---- as noted by other commentators, too ---- has too much rambling.

obviously, the author used the "flash back scenes" to introduce the rape (and since the story was really nothing else but the rape: and its after math, years into the future); but, again, the ANNOYING and STUPID husband, CALE, makes it next to impossible to enjoy the story.

fortunately, DAPHNE was even more stupid than Cale, so I guess he's not the most stupid person in the story... but he was irredeemably annoying...

starmanfivestarmanfivealmost 10 years ago
Nice story!

Thanks to the author for writing about a loving and caring wife. There are some good ones still. People shouldn't always assume that someone is cheating because it looks incriminating. Have faith in a spouse especially if they were perfect until the suspicious incident. Maybe most situations don't turn out to be innocent, but give a loving spouse a chance or at least the benefit of the doubt. I love this authors' stories.

lance_spearmanlance_spearmanalmost 10 years ago
Way too long for what it is

And it is absurd to believe that Daphne would hand over all her assets and be willing to leave her husband rather than tell him the truth about what happened between her and Chris.

kelchakelchaalmost 10 years ago
Excellent

Story was an emotional roller coaster ride and a real joy to read.

Can't understand the many negative comments. We have to remember that our reality may not actually be the truth. Wife was both stupid and smart. Would not have been a surprise if hubby actually killed self or Ralph as a reaction to situation. It was stupid of her to not find a way to defuse situation.

The love they had for each other is not believable, not because it is not possible, but, because we see it so rarely in real life. I know of one person where a love like that was real. Sad that our reality says that the love of our life is a negative thing. She really was too good for him because he sees her as a perfect being , seen through the eyes of his love. Our reality says he has self esteem issues. I like hs view of the world and his wife's perfection.

A smarter person is still an emotional being. Virgin rape experience and still able to function a short time later speaks to her strength. She fought to hold on to what she wanted in her life. Did pretty damn good, given the trauma she went through.

My only negative desire for this story would have been for them to display the emotional turmoil more openly in front of each other.

snakes454snakes454almost 10 years ago
hard to read

This story was hard to read. There were far too many unnecessary words. Biggest bitch, stuff like "Hillary, that's my sister Hillary looked at Daphne, my wife's name is Daphne, Hillary looked at my wife Daphne". Shit like that stinks. You can write. But you need to read more. Look how the top rates guys do it. You don't see someone's name eight times like that. Fix your flow and cut the unnecessary shit that adds nothing at all but length to the story and your scores will shoot up.

vazkor13vazkor13almost 10 years ago

thank you, a really great story, full of emotions. too bad we can only give 5*.

textosteronetextosteronealmost 10 years ago
Good story idea but way too much Rambling

I had to skim over some of the long ramblings. You kept adding more back story then was needed. Even your back stories had back stories. Sometimes less is more.

I expected a BTB until I realized you were EXTREMELY vague about the Hotel scene. Then I realized there would be reconciliation. I had to time te come to these conclusions while flipping through the constant rambling.

3* Please use an editor.

gatorhermitgatorhermitalmost 10 years ago
Strange Story

I am not sure I believe Ralph. Entertaining story - sort of - comments about length and convolution are probably correct. I think the biggest issue with the story is that none of the characters (except possibly the kids) are likeable - they are all weird and wouldn't particularly want any of them for friends.

carvohicarvohialmost 10 years agoAuthor
A comment from carvohi...

I deleted a comment. There's this person, Harry from Virginia, I deleted his comment. From now on if I see a comment from him I'll have to delete it. He's a Literotica member, but won't allow anyone to leave a comment with him, hence there'll be no space for him on any of my stories. Also, since I seldom read the anonymous comments anyway; all future stories will disallow anonymous comments. That is with one exception. I'll be putting up one more LW story today that will permit the anonymous.

Huedogg2Huedogg2almost 10 years ago
I don't think the wife is fucked up but the parents and the friend are

She is stupid, trusting and innocent but she loves him to death. His parents are fucked, your brother is dead, was in prison and raped his wife but you don't tell the son all this was done to, anything. So if his wife had cancer and died three years ago, he wouldn't tell them because he's protecting them. That's a far fucking reach, his brother was a piece of shit but he was still his brother. Hate him yes but wish him dead no. Over all gave it a 4.5

Richie4110Richie4110almost 10 years ago
Outstanding!

Always love a story that keeps me guessing until the last. There may have been a little too much unimportant detail but it did serve to allow me to think about the story and try to guess the ending. The characters were real, the story was compelling, and the outcome was heartwarming.

Also, thank you for your position with the anonymous feedback. I think anyone that can't stand by his/her position shouldn't be taken seriously anyway.

patilliepatilliealmost 10 years ago
Too long

with all the "aw shucks' routine, the smart high character guy who doesnt know himself and how the world sees him. Usually like your stuff but this one didnt cut it, seem like a stang star type deal.

DearfieldDearfieldalmost 10 years ago
loved the story

The story was a lil long but good

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Loved It

I loved it ! A little long but I think to get everything to come together it was just right.

Please keep up the great work, I love ALL of your stories.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
The "hero" is a moron

He goes through 10 pages of shit because he doesn't bother to find out what really happened, despite plenty of indications that he got it wrong. Daphne should have taken the kids and left.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
I gave it 4 stars...

...It was well written and edited, but the characters were to perfect. My personal philosophy is skepticism and a perfect anything just doesn’t sit well in my mind. Please keep writing, from the Panther Fan.

MitchFraellMitchFraellalmost 10 years ago
A 'family friendly' ending.

I liked it. Nice story but a bit convoluted. The obvious question is why did Cale not ask Daphne what was going on. She was plainly in love with him. OK; he was afraid of the answer, but it is his marriage at stake so ask. Even his parents could have set his mind a ease by gently breaking the information to him. Particularly when they saw his marriage collapsing. How did Hillary know about Daphne and Ralph in the first place?

LostOneThereLostOneTherealmost 10 years ago
I gave this 5*

I'm not sure exactly why. I did not like the male lead. He was just too dang weird and his belief system was becoming out of date as early as the 1950s. He's a MAN, she's merely a WOman... that's actually funny I guess. Add to that he is very wishy-washy in almost all his thoughts and most of his actions. I agree with some others, no way this guy was an analyst. He hasn't the first idea of how to critically look at or analyze information. Not as great as most of your other works.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
3*s

Well written. Good twist in plot. Unfortunately, I didn't like your protagonist. After the

first 7 or 8 paragraphs I very much disliked his voice.

I finished the story but didn't care about the resolution. One flaw ,I noticed the

disappearance of the sister, Hillary.

I enjoy your stories .I look forward to another.

AMerryMan

LickideesplitLickideesplitalmost 10 years ago
Don't like a character?

An author gets a mediocre score because the commenter does not LIKE a character? Anyone want Ahab (Moby Dick) as a neighbor? Or, worse, a boss? Which one was a stupider adolescent ... Romeo or Juliet? Who was the 'good guy' in 'Lord of the Flies?

This is a GREAT story! Lots to NOT like about Hubby or Sweetie or Chris or Ralph. We don't know enough about most of the other characters except the kids and their grandparents - and those are sacrosanct roles!

Biggest quibble is the expression described on Ralph's face on leaving the HI room!

5* in spades.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
the Truth About Harry

That drunk has been here a long time, can often tell how far into his cups he's gone by the incoherence of his posts. Noone, not even the closet-cuck brigade, takes the moron seriously. He is the resident fool, the village idiot.

shadowjack17shadowjack17almost 10 years ago
Y'all miss the point, I think?

Okay, I liked it; and I AGREE it's long and rambling and far too monologue-y, but it also has a distinct feel of a deeply conflicted person working through an unmentioned social disorder--perhaps a bit autistic or simply the "middle child" syndrome? Plus, I think all you naysayers, and I count quite a few of the much better authors in the comments, miss the background of this particular writer--which he spelled out in some detail a while back. Look, folks, Scot Presbyterians are a slightly different bunch than mainstream America at best (says the Scots Catholic south Texas cowboy with a Ukrainian wife), and he's from Delaware. Nothing bad about that, by the by; everyone should be proud of where they are and who they are and write what they know. What I think y'all are missing is the background whispers in all the dialogue.

But you could stand a bit of editing, Carvohi. It's not glaring or fatal like those who do NOT comprehend that you're means You ARE while your means possessive descriptors follow, but take a bit of time and have someone else read over your stuff before you send it out. Just saying.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Good effort overall.

C,

Downloaded the story just now waiting for my laundry to get done. before I can start reading it.

Cannot wait to see how Daphne personality plays out.

Matt

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Well I knew Matt would like it.

It's not much of a marriage if they keep secrets from one another.

She should have told him what happened, and he should have told her when he found out.

Basic story was OK, but I had to skim through large sections of it. The lead character was way too wimpy for my liking.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Long ass story

I enjoyed reading it but I think it would have been better broken down into smaller parts. I gave it 5 stars

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
@Lickideesplit

A 3*s is mediocre but NOT discouraging. Yes, I did not like the protagonist' voice.

The plot was the usual, spouse sees spouse ,lol. The twists were very good.But to

have a major character,his sister Hillary , just disappear was a great flaw ! That

would have been a source of great conflict and resolution. With the parents , in

addition to with Cale and the wife. I mean with 10 pages Carvohi could not find

room for more drama !

So yes 3*s but keep writing. The story was interesting but I wasn't invested emotionally.

Carvohi seems to be a better writer when chapters and stories are 6 to 7 pages.

When he goes longer the focus is lost. Nevertheless I like his stories, and want to

read more.

I am sad, I soon will not be able to comment on his stories.

AMerryMan

pumpop201pumpop201almost 10 years ago
A little long but......

A little long but I enjoyed it. Thanks.

user110user110almost 10 years ago
TLDR

jk. too long tho. really.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Way to long

Found myself scrolling through and not really reading. Sort of start and end of each page. Never had to go back and see what I missed either. Kind of telling. Other than the exuberent verbosity it's a good tale

Norm

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
It never ceases to amaze me

Much ado about nothing. Why does he go through all that bullshit. It was obvious that he came to terms with being a cum-slurping wimp. Why all the dramatics? Admit it and go on. Just hope she picks guys whose cum you enjoy sucking out of her cunt.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Good story

Enjoyed it but dragged on a bit in the middle stages.

Birdseye1Birdseye1almost 10 years ago
Brilliant story, but some holes in the plot.

I think this was a brilliant love story but the whole plot depended on what he saw at the Hloiday Inn. Although he appears a bit of a wimp i'm sure any husband would have demanded to know what happened. Also I don't think she would have endured all the resulting distress for the sake of telling part of the truth i.e. Ralph & his STD problem. The other part I am concerned was not explained was how did the sister know about the so called affair in the first place, blimey there were 10 pages in which to do so !

Sidney43Sidney43almost 10 years ago

I started off hating what a putz Cale was, but you managed to redeem him by the end of the story. As usual very well written with good character development that gave the story a foundation to grow around.

DrallDrallalmost 10 years ago
Thanks!

A beautiful story! Nice people and a fine outcome!

rightbankrightbankalmost 10 years ago
You really worked hard to make this fit together

In fact I think you worked too hard.

To turn Cale from a hero to murderer and rapist who died in prison was a really big stretch. That it just happened to be Ralph who helped then tried to blackmail Daphne was another convenient plot twist. A bit like Perry Mason who always won the case by bringing in a previously unknown witness at the very last minute.

oh well

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333almost 10 years ago
Loved it

For a while there I was very perplexed as to why she wouldn't explain what happened. In the end I understand. Five stars. Good twist. However, I would have liked her to explain why she was willing to get the divorce over what she was maintaining was nothing. I assume she never intended divorce and was just trying to show how much she loved him. If she was afraid to tell him about his brother out of fear he would hate her, how could she agree so easily to ending the marriage?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
awesome

Best work yet. Thanks for writing and sharing.

byteme2ubyteme2ualmost 10 years ago
Masterfully Written

You have become one of my favorite writers. I thank you for your works and my entertainment.

Vulcan_in_OhioVulcan_in_Ohioalmost 10 years ago
My two cents

Story was original and writing was fairly good. But there were numerous instances where we suffered the same information, over and over again. I kept thinking, "When will this move on, already?" As others indicated, it's unclear how sister Hillary knew of Ralph and Daphne's meetings. And Cale, main character, is overly wimpy. Oh, it's understandable a person would be devastated, even overwhelmed, after finding out about their mate's cheating. But I felt it was overdone. All that vomiting, it seemed too much. Four stars; thanks for writing.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbylovealmost 10 years ago
Nice

You really do like to talk don't you? Great tale. Surprised a little about the hero brother being a scumbag rapist but it all works out in the end. Just a real loving husband and wife.

Five Stars

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
LOVE THIS STORY

I really like it, you are one of my favourite authors!!

oldwayneoldwaynealmost 10 years ago
Schmuck...maybe something just as sickening!

I rarely agree with Harry, but there are others who didn't like it much either and I trust their judgment. I won't low rate you, because you don't deserve that either, but a 4 is the best I can do!

DjshengDjshengalmost 10 years ago
10/10

Read it. Then read it again.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
GREAT STORY

ONE OF THE BEST I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

TonyKiwiTonyKiwialmost 10 years ago
Load of crap story

First you have a sister who tells you your wife is "a round healed slut" she has proof how? and this is before you saw her come out of the motel. Then when he confronts each party they don't deny it but it was the only time, only to find out she never cheated but was trying to protect him from thinking badly of his brother when both parties could have just denied any wrong doing and told him she was trying to help Ralph with his wife. Sort of the truth. Yet both her and his parents put him and the kids through hell for what reason? so he won't think badly of his brother who raped his wife and is now dead. So lame and I was enjoying the well written story with lots of emotion and character interaction but let down by a dump plot. What was with Hillary running the crusade and then vanishes from the story when Daphne need some one the most.

sugnasugnaalmost 10 years ago
She still lied

She should have told him the truth about his brother. His wife, his marriage and his kids were more important than his rapist brother. The truth is ALWAYS best! Clean the wound and let it heal. It often seems lies and denial are pert of a woman's nature, unfortunately this causes problems when it collides with reality.

potsherdpotsherdalmost 10 years ago
Great story...

...kept me riveted to the screen right to the last page. Can't resist a happy ending!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Mindless and talentless prattle.

But just to appreciate the effort, I gave it 3* ,but it really didn't deserve this.

OnethirdOnethirdalmost 10 years ago
Kept me reading

I guess I don't believe in women being quite this unnaturally perfect and pure, but heck it's fiction. The whole oddness about not opening up about the motel rendezvous, when Ralph could have easily backed her story, kept my interest up wondering what the deep dark secret was. I guessed she somehow knew he was sterile and had to get her babies from outside the marriage... I guess I can't know the lengths a person hiding a rape will go through, so the ultimate explanation is okay. Besides, it kept me reading late into the night, and that's the mark of a interesting story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Good story

5*

But a great sign of weakness to not allow anon comments on future stories.

carvohicarvohialmost 10 years agoAuthor
Hey anon!

I'm not closing anybody off. Even H.I.V gets a say.

Anonymous
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