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The dialog is not real. What girl says "your cock feels so good in my 19 year old pussy"?
See title.
A good, short Hot Stroker
Nice story, nicely paced. I agree with the second comment here; dialogue is a little stilted. Also, watch out for repetition; "cock", "cunt", "pussy", and "fuck" can only be used so many times before they lose their impact and become ho-hum. Instead of repeating "cunt", use some synonyms: "twat", "snatch", "quim", "tunnel"; instead of repeating "clit" over and over, use a descriptor: "bliss button", "swollen nub", etc. They may sound silly at first, but you'll get used to them with time and the reader will appreciate the variety.
I do like the way you used the word "cunt"; a lot of writers--especially female writers--shy away from the word because they think it has negative connotations. However, in the context and placement where you used it, it makes perfect sense and gives a 'punch' to the description.
A fine first submittal. Keep writing! You're doing well. I'd love to read more of your work, here.
Loved It
Great story. You had me cumming everywhere, all over my hands and dripping onto my balls.
More Plase quickly!!!
Well...
The story is just about fucking, so let me acknowledge this.
There's a lot of writing that's just about fucking, and this is one more. It's not erotic fiction.
If you wrote erotic fiction, it would be on a totally different level, rising above the stuff that's just about fucking.
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