What you have is a train wreck. A cheating slut and her cuckold. This started out bad and went downhill from there. You really consider a healthy sex life to be twice a week? And you're really okay with your wife sleeping with other men and bringing home all the nice diseases to you? You are an idiot. And this story is just another of the cheating slut/wimpy husband crap polluting LW these days. A "1" because zero isn't possible.
A slut wife who will be fucked by anybody. A stupid husband who knew about her and did not care, (for now). To follow; a trip to the STD clinic and a divorce lawyer who will be waiting to pick up his pay cheque from them. All good stuff for a smutty yarn.
This could be the beginning of a great story series. The writing is fast-paced, and gives enough detail to hold our attention, and yet our mind envision the scene. I liked the use of dialogue.
You may wish to give the characters some depth, some drama, perhaps?
Cuckolding? Swinging? Interracial sex? Bareback? Lots of themes to use, or combine.
I'm eager to see the next level!
The theme of the story is pretty common, but it can work on many different levels. You hurried through the story far too quickly, and the dialog was too casual to be taken seriously. The wife basically said, "hey, you think I should sleep with other guys?" The husband answered, "sure, why not?" Then, the very next day, she fucked a black dude with a giant dick. The end.
I encourage you to keep writing, but slow down, develop your characters a little more, add a little tension, and it will make for a much better story. You may also want to consider getting an editor to review your final copy before you submit it.
but the going back and forth from narrative to dialogue to "Maria:" is confusing. Please stay with one or the other.
by
Anonymous09/20/14
This was a great story of a couple who enjoy
hot fucking and sharing. I certainly would all of the details and their level of pleasure received. I would wonder how many of these idealist's who criticize so enthusiastically would in all honestly love to enjoy the same or something similar
Thanks and I hope you enjoy MANY more adventures
by
Anonymous04/13/15
Black and White again
Black male and white woman again come on enough. Enough about Blacks only having large cocks, some white males also have large cocks. Ever think why blacks are mentioned more maybe because they are on a ego trip?
English
A strong marriage?
What you have is a train wreck. A cheating slut and her cuckold. This started out bad and went downhill from there. You really consider a healthy sex life to be twice a week? And you're really okay with your wife sleeping with other men and bringing home all the nice diseases to you? You are an idiot. And this story is just another of the cheating slut/wimpy husband crap polluting LW these days. A "1" because zero isn't possible.
What is there not to like?
A slut wife who will be fucked by anybody. A stupid husband who knew about her and did not care, (for now). To follow; a trip to the STD clinic and a divorce lawyer who will be waiting to pick up his pay cheque from them. All good stuff for a smutty yarn.
An interesting beginning...
This could be the beginning of a great story series. The writing is fast-paced, and gives enough detail to hold our attention, and yet our mind envision the scene. I liked the use of dialogue.
You may wish to give the characters some depth, some drama, perhaps?
Cuckolding? Swinging? Interracial sex? Bareback? Lots of themes to use, or combine.
I'm eager to see the next level!
* * *
I can't wait for Chap 2!
Good idea, poor execution
The theme of the story is pretty common, but it can work on many different levels. You hurried through the story far too quickly, and the dialog was too casual to be taken seriously. The wife basically said, "hey, you think I should sleep with other guys?" The husband answered, "sure, why not?" Then, the very next day, she fucked a black dude with a giant dick. The end.
I encourage you to keep writing, but slow down, develop your characters a little more, add a little tension, and it will make for a much better story. You may also want to consider getting an editor to review your final copy before you submit it.
Story okay...
but the going back and forth from narrative to dialogue to "Maria:" is confusing. Please stay with one or the other.
This was a great story of a couple who enjoy
hot fucking and sharing. I certainly would all of the details and their level of pleasure received. I would wonder how many of these idealist's who criticize so enthusiastically would in all honestly love to enjoy the same or something similar
Thanks and I hope you enjoy MANY more adventures
Black and White again
Black male and white woman again come on enough. Enough about Blacks only having large cocks, some white males also have large cocks. Ever think why blacks are mentioned more maybe because they are on a ego trip?
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