- All
Comments (3) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
Good, but
Being the author's second language, there is a slight oddness to the wording. People seem to act without much build-up or introspection.
Keep working at it, writer.
Yeah but hubby knew a cheating slut when he saw one.
You put forward her cheating like it was nothing. I'm sure hubby thinks it's something. Enough to divorce the slut. If she wants to be a lesbian - it's all good. Just not married to him! There was something off about this story and I didn't figure it out until I read your profile and realized your first language isn't English. Your sentence structure and grammar doesn't flow very well. It makes the story odd to read. Not sure an editor could save this mess. And it's not just the language. The storyline, actions and conclusions just aren't interesting or entertaining.
Whole text is somehow stiff and the actions of your characters are almost unbelievable. It's like one kiss reverses all chemistry in a person's brain and turns him into alien. Author should put himself into reader's place.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Novel Part of Me or
More submissions by be24you.