Just how high is the glory hole?
If, as she says, it is near the floor ('I had to crouch down') there would be little likelihood of being able to clearly see her walking around in her room; and, if it is low down, how are Her Mum and her able to crouch down and get near enough to the wall to receive his cock through it? Physically improbable if not impossible.
Her Mum had her at 17 and her bro is a year older, ie, had him at 16 (or younger). Seems like some serious underage sex that Literotica and the dim-witted Canadian authorities would seriously disapprove of. Does story need to be withdrawn?
Puerile writing with bad spelling and atrocious grammar. Get an editor.
by
Anonymous04/07/14
Great:
We need more, much more. Love the mom and kids stories...
I agree that the story needs an editor badly and some tidying up of the inconsistencies. However, the idea behind the story is hot and deserves continuing
by
Anonymous04/07/14
Fun story
Many guys have used the peep hole technique to spy sis or mom. Getting caught often has negative and some times severe consequences.
It's funny how the people who complain about stories on this site have not written stories of there own and never leave an email address they are always anonymous. If you think you can do better please feel free to write a story and let me read it lol
Yeah maybe I do need an editor, if there are any editors out there who might like to help edit my stories I would appreciate it.
Other than that thanks for reading and voting for my story
by
Anonymous04/08/14
Good beginning !
Many sisters, brothers and other family members have used the hole in wall to "secretly" exhibit themselves to others. And what goes around often cums around. Enjoyed the story. Simple but not boring. It moved right along without to many pages of needless build up. Please continue to submit.
The story, as a whole, had promise and was quick and enervating. The only major critique I have is grammar. "...my brother spies on me to." should be "my brother spies on me, too." as an example. There are a few grammatical issues that could have made the story much more enjoyable to a serious reader like myself.
Keep progressing and the positive returns should increase.
Obviously a fantasy story, it reads more like a script than a story; which is not necessarily a bad thing. Besides the occasional proofreading issues which plague most stories here (not the fault of the author given the material), the main criticism that I have is that the story seems a bit rushed.
Consequently, there is little if any buildup or suspense. Mom obviously discovered the glory hole, but we have no real understanding of why she pursued the matter as laid out in the story. Its implied that she is not getting enough, but who knows? Since she is little more than a walk on, we really don't care.
Because the characters lack any real depth (For example, how many girls are out there that have zero trepidation about losing their virginity? Let alone to their brother?), this viginette is more about the x's and o's of sex than anything else. I do like the glory hole plot mechanism, even if it is a bit cliched.
Don't get me wrong, I liked your story, though I look at it as basically a first draft.. There is some heat here, and it is generally well written. I would encourage you to keep writing. Only next time, focus more on the emotional impact of what the characters do sexually. For example, after the sister is inseminated for the first time, you sum up the experience by stating "I thought about how that was the first time I'd needed it....but it wasn't going to be the last if I could help it." That's it? There was a lot more emotion there to be mined.
English
Amazing got me so horny and hard
Ditto that!
I hope the three get together on mom's bed for a fuck fest soon!
Does not compute
Just how high is the glory hole?
If, as she says, it is near the floor ('I had to crouch down') there would be little likelihood of being able to clearly see her walking around in her room; and, if it is low down, how are Her Mum and her able to crouch down and get near enough to the wall to receive his cock through it? Physically improbable if not impossible.
Her Mum had her at 17 and her bro is a year older, ie, had him at 16 (or younger). Seems like some serious underage sex that Literotica and the dim-witted Canadian authorities would seriously disapprove of. Does story need to be withdrawn?
Puerile writing with bad spelling and atrocious grammar. Get an editor.
Great:
We need more, much more. Love the mom and kids stories...
So-So. Hot but needs work
I agree that the story needs an editor badly and some tidying up of the inconsistencies. However, the idea behind the story is hot and deserves continuing
Fun story
Many guys have used the peep hole technique to spy sis or mom. Getting caught often has negative and some times severe consequences.
To those who don't like my story...
It's funny how the people who complain about stories on this site have not written stories of there own and never leave an email address they are always anonymous. If you think you can do better please feel free to write a story and let me read it lol
Yeah maybe I do need an editor, if there are any editors out there who might like to help edit my stories I would appreciate it.
Other than that thanks for reading and voting for my story
Good beginning !
Many sisters, brothers and other family members have used the hole in wall to "secretly" exhibit themselves to others. And what goes around often cums around. Enjoyed the story. Simple but not boring. It moved right along without to many pages of needless build up. Please continue to submit.
Good but with a few errors....
The story, as a whole, had promise and was quick and enervating. The only major critique I have is grammar. "...my brother spies on me to." should be "my brother spies on me, too." as an example. There are a few grammatical issues that could have made the story much more enjoyable to a serious reader like myself.
Keep progressing and the positive returns should increase.
sinwizard
Good, if a bit rushed
Obviously a fantasy story, it reads more like a script than a story; which is not necessarily a bad thing. Besides the occasional proofreading issues which plague most stories here (not the fault of the author given the material), the main criticism that I have is that the story seems a bit rushed.
Consequently, there is little if any buildup or suspense. Mom obviously discovered the glory hole, but we have no real understanding of why she pursued the matter as laid out in the story. Its implied that she is not getting enough, but who knows? Since she is little more than a walk on, we really don't care.
Because the characters lack any real depth (For example, how many girls are out there that have zero trepidation about losing their virginity? Let alone to their brother?), this viginette is more about the x's and o's of sex than anything else. I do like the glory hole plot mechanism, even if it is a bit cliched.
Don't get me wrong, I liked your story, though I look at it as basically a first draft.. There is some heat here, and it is generally well written. I would encourage you to keep writing. Only next time, focus more on the emotional impact of what the characters do sexually. For example, after the sister is inseminated for the first time, you sum up the experience by stating "I thought about how that was the first time I'd needed it....but it wasn't going to be the last if I could help it." That's it? There was a lot more emotion there to be mined.
Damn!
Very hot, indeed!
What a good sister...
Another very stimulating story...you have the talent to turn us on, keep the stories coming !
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