All Comments on 'Serie Noire 04'

I liked this. Kudos.

A nice read. Thank you.

You do not forgive that kind of pain & betrayal it stays with you, it warms you & keeps you feed.

I know that feeling. No, I'm not dead inside but I'm just putting in time myself. One more thing. Fucking cunt.

Apologies are such empty words unless followed post-haste by contrition. This story leaned too hard on enigma for my personal taste. Portraying some encounter between some mercenary twat with a extremely belated sense of conscience and her wronged ex-husband is shooting koi in a barrel for a writer of likegoodwine's ability.

The clear challenge lies in depicting the initial meeting of estranged father and son. Hopefully, that will be the fifth installment of this series. If this were a literary offering by a novice writer , my enthusiasm would be discernibly greater. But based on this author's superlative last story, expectations are raised. Here's hoping for fulfillment of that story.

JPB gets away with his marked Sphinx tendencies towards non-conclusive endings, well because he's JPB. Two's a crowd however in that regard. Please take this Series Noire belles - lettres to it's logical conclusion. That would be best and ample remorse for penning this literary chateau of angst.

clutching for a toothpick and leaving sawdust TK U MLJ LV NV

Even though it will probably be another one of your weak wimp stories, I'll at least wait for the conclusion before I vote.

Larabie (Laramie?) seems to have a pair, and I hope he will be allowed to hang on to them at least through chapter two.

My mother did almost exactly this when I was 13. I learned the truth through a different means and tracked my father down when I was 22. It was a reconnection, and we shared many moments over the years, but until the day he died we were friends and not family. I didn't look like the boy he lost, he didn't look like the man I remembered. Something about it was just...gone. You don't get to just have it back.

When he died, he left me his guitar...the one he played to me on when I was a baby. The rest went to his brothers and sisters. So there's your ending, I guess.

Sure, now that she's dying she's sorry, where was her regret for the last 17 years? I can understand her immediate anger, even the raking over the coals during the divorce, but after a year or so to cool off, where was her sorrow then, when it could have made a difference?

I would have told her, "Why should I make it easier for you? Did you make it easier for me when you cheated on me, lied about me and ruined my life? I MAY see our son, AFTER you're dead, maybe not, but you're going to die not knowing, and I hope it's soon and painful."

She's dying and now realizes she's a bitch. The time for the truth was 17 years ago. The relationship with his son is dead. She got what she wanted.

As Ricky Nelson wisely observed, "You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself." You've done that with this story and for what it's worth, pleased me as well. There is no need for a second chapter, everything necessary for understanding is here, including the ending. Five stars for achieving what you intended to achieve. Four and three quarter stars for execution only because a couple of times you phrased your sentences slightly differently than I would have if I had the ability to think up your storyline. I know, picky, picky, picky, but isn't that why people post in Loving Wives?

This was short, but a full story. Well written and poignant.

Well, the wife has been sentenced to death for her crimes. That's good, right? Somewhat unsatisfying. It's better that her son won't talk to her. Maybe she will die alone. That would be fitting. 17 years of lies, cruelty, and loneness. What's appropriate compensation for that? Is death enough? Her suffering (a few months?) will soon be over. His went on for 17 years. His ex MADE it last for 17 years. She held him in the prison of her lies.

And I agree with anon about broken relationships not being able to be restored to new. When we form loving relationships we tend to build them of only good things. Bad stuff is not only missing but almost incompatible. They say that you can rebuild things like love and trust but can you really? After someone hurts you badly you may rebuild the relationship but the scars, the possibility of being hurt, is now part of the relationship. When something difficult happens, those possibilities come back into focus and the pain associated with them returns. What happened might actually be nothing but the possibility of pain hurts anew. The relationship is no longer pristine, without the possibility of hurt.

We got an unlikely Mary Poppins ending that was never earned. The wife is disposed of and then all is supposedly sunshine and roses all in two paragraphs at the end.

I like a story that leaves me with food for thought.

Wow, what a powerful story! You got so much done with so few words. I loved the ending; it was perfect. You are a great writer and I look forward to more of your work. Please ignore the great moralizers that make comments on this site.

Thank you for writing this. 5*

it appears tho dying the wife is not in near enough pain. Let me see she cheated, lied, destroyed her marriage, framed her husband criminally, divorced him, destroyed his reputation, for three fucks, and waited 17 years to come clean? Wow I can die now with a clear mind, how stupid. Seems she owes him more than words, leaving all her property to him, publishing her confession in the newspaper as a full page ad. Now that would be trying to come clean instead of sneaking off to him and trying to manipulate him again. At 15 the son was old enough to know whether or not his father was abusive to his mother. Story does not wash.

I got up this morning and found this nice little pearl. Thanks.

Poignant, well written, loaded with the emotion of four devastated lives. Yet, the hint of bright hope.

So well done, thank you for writing.

5*

Best regards,

-Pultoy

Succinct.

Regards,

-Pultoy

Grim and unfortunately very realistic. There are so many lies during a divorce, most of them by the wife that the truth is distorted beyond all recognition. Women seem to think that lying to their loved ones is okay if it gets you what you want. They would rather damage the kids with lies than take a chance that their kids might side with their father. I can tell you this happened to me and several other people I grew up with. In the end, none of us had much use for our mothers. I have also seen there ex- wives of my friends play this same evil game. Women as a group do not understand the meaning of honor, sacrifice and doing the right thing to protect your children. They are emotionally driven and that means they do what they want to do for themselves first and their children second. I know this sounds like male chauvinism and I know not all women are lying selfish cunts, but there are enough of them out there to generalize this as an attribute of their gender.

so I have nothing to add. Except I think it was exceptional, and yes like LSD says the real poignancy is the meeting iwth the son.

Well written and to the point. A classic. Thanks for your work.

The idea that there is no coming back after 17 years in the hole is not agreement with the Count of Monte Christo. After the beautiful description of how empty he felt, I was shocked by his getting into his car and driving off..

Another "evil is as evil does" story - albeit shorter than the Stangster's contiribution yesterday. Good writing; sad story where nobody wins.

Unless you yourself can envision such an ending, wandering with a questioning look s all that's left.

From empty to full makes no sense to me but the wife sees it as very possible.

Gave it a 4. Torn betwixt 3 and 5.

the story showed the amount of destruction one partner can do to another. and the amount of personal loss the offended and offender can feel. the part where the "old" Larabie would have let her stay or offered her some hope was poignant.

Guess I'm an ass but the son, and I use that term loosely, made his choice along with Martha years ago. I find it hard to believe he'd expect to be forgiven as quickly as he had learned to hate. Based on reality? Perhaps. Although I have to admit I'd be skeptical about anyone's sincerity at this time. 17 years and son hadn't forgiven father yet. Over half his life hating for a presumed reason. And Peter would want to make a relationship with that kind of troll carrying that much baggage. Pulllllease...

Like this little series.

Great little flash tale. Five stars.

Great story. The outline was perfect. Just the right amount of detail and tension. I would love to read the expanded story. Thanks for your work!

So she came clean to the son. Is that all? Did she go before a judge, admit her perjury and try to get her husband's good name cleared? Did she write all their friends and anyone else she ever lied to and tell them the truth? After 17 years, it was not enough.

Yes, I would have gone to see my son and tried to rebuild a relationship. But I would have waited until after the bitch had died, alone and knowing that everyone she ever loved hated her for what she had done.

I really enjoyed it. I can think of a number of alternate endings.

But I find one line in the story incongruous: "There was no doubt in her mind she was partly responsible for her ex-husband's situation." Only PARTLY to blame?? If she really thinks that, she still hasn't come to terms with what she did.

I still question why she had to wait SEVENTEEN YEARS and terminal cancer to come clean, and as someone else said, did she come clean to EVERYBODY, not just their son?

And kudos to the son for cutting his mother off NOW, but he couldn't find it in his heart to reach out to his father ONCE in 17 years, and why is it up the father to reach out now?

And while it appears that he gave her her wish, he DEFINITELY should have let her die not knowing.

Your story ending seems to imply that he forgives his ex-wife and son. That maybe he even comforts his ex in her dying days. That he forgives his son and moves into a house near him? (With what money?). And I found it hard to believe he would just desert Emma without ever saying a word, like goodbye, to someone that had obviously treated him well and probably helped him through some dark days. He really wasn't a good guy was he? Also, you referred to the "witnesses at the restaurant". I found it impossible to believe that no one saw him swing at his wife's lover and , by mistake, hit her. Sorry but this was simply a lousy story. Maybe next time.

The story said NOTHING about him going to his son...

It only said he got in the vehicle, drove past (without seeming to care) the only person he'd gotten anything good from in the last however many years, and later, his cabin was sold.

Who's to say he wasn't SO damaged by what his wife in her cowardice and fear did to him that he didn't just disappear so he wouldn't have to worry about her trying to return to beg him more for something she had NO right to ask for or their(?) son searching him out...?

Her actions are similar to what a child might do in blaming someone else for what they did, and then sticking to their story, not only as they see it snowballing AGAINST that other person but BECAUSE it was snowballing.

"Confess right away and it'll go easier on you. Wait until other bad things happen, and it'll go worse." But hard to think, from his point of view, that having their son hate her for the few months she had left to live at all equates to having the son actively hate his father for more than half of the son's life. Or are we to believe that, for her, the thought that their son will hate her even after she's dead is worse for her...? Too fucking bad for her...

A very close relative and I had a falling out years ago... absolutely nothing will return our relationship to what it was. That relationship is gone forever. The best we might ever hope for is a new one where we're friends who happen to be related (never family who are also friends).

I'm also curious how long SHE'S known where HE was. She told the son a week ago... did she know before then...? If so, why didn't she tell the son where he was...? If she did know and did tell the son, the fact HE didn't show up is kind of telling too, isn't it...?

"I've hated my father for more than half of my life, now my MOTHER tells me that hatred was based on a lie she told me. She also tells me where he is. But it appears I'm my mother's son and too afraid to admit when I've been wrong and face my father."

Or she managed to figure out in less than one week WHERE he was... begging the question of, "in your seventeen years of USELESS guilt (not that it wasn't deserved, just useless), you never ONCE thought to look to see what you'd done to him...?" So, again she was afraid, but in this case afraid to see what a woman - or more specifically SHE - could do to someone she professed to love.

I hope she manages to fight the cancer for years...........

She could have come clean a long time ago. She didn't. She's only afraid of some punishment in the afterlife. She's afraid of being purged by hellfire. Or whatever she believes in. Had she not been dying of cancer, she would not have said shit about it.

So, her repentance isn't sincere. It isn't for his benefit. It's for hers.

Can't rate this story, not really.

For 17 years she kept quiet, letting everyone believe that he's the monster that she portrayed him as. For 17 years her son believed the same thing. If his son had question about his mother had said, he would have tried to contact his father to get his side of the story. Like they say, Never let the facts get in the way of a good story. He has had 17 years to forget about them. Hope he decided to let his wife know that he has no intention of contacting his son and that he hopes she's miserable for the remainder of her life knowing that she has destroyed the lives of their entire family.

Talk about sadness.

I hope Larabie is not off to visit his son and family. As soon as Martha confessed to her son what had actually happened and the role she played, he should have been trying to find a way to reach his dad and try to apologise for their behaviour.

The clue is in the websites name.

Why is this story even on this site?

Worst of the four. I must agree with some, why is it Larabie has to be the one to visit and mend fences? A 15 yr old is innocent but not so much as to take note of one incident not being a habit. She didn't sound like it was hard to convince the son of her lies. I think you tried to get away with too short of a story and didn't quite make it as the first three had.

Is stop and explain what transpired to Emma.

Offer to take her with him.

When he just drove by after theirs years of ''companionship'' I can understand his wife seeking warmth with another man.

I ctoncur with others that son should have went to him immediately after hearing truth

She killed his family just as sure as if she had put a bullet in their heads. One can only hope she had much pain and was aware right up until the end. Which should take up to 2 years. As someone else said, the son was definitely his mother's son.

I understand this is a very short “dark” story. But it lacks so much important content that it is unrewarding. As often commented, the son has the obligation to forgive not the father. But if Martha was so repentant should she not divulge her treachery to the police, his former friends, etc. shouldn’t Brad be exposed for his part in abetting her lies and cover up?

But it is her shallowness that stands out. It is her fear of what lies after death that motivates her action not her love for him or concern for her son.

I am not an author and I admire those who contribute to this site regardless of ability. But my suggested ending would be for Larabie to demand a full and public admission by her before he would ever consider allowing his son who hasn’t reached out to him in 17 years back in his life. Given his woman’s history she Is unlikely to publically shame herself and would go away knowing the damage she caused would follow her to the grave. That would truly be “dark” retribution. Of course Larabie could always reconnect with his son after she’s in the ground! Lastly, it would be a sweet jesture to take Emma with him as a companion for each other in their old age.

was used to getting her way, even now. she wanted a parent for the child she poisoned. she didn't get her way, for once in her life.

some barren, divorced, old cancer-ridden shell of a human being. she garners no sympathy, no love, no pity. she honestly deserves to broadcast her sins to EVERYONE in their shared circle. so she can taste what she did to her husband in her final hours. but she wanted it her way, again. hush hush. she wasn't willing to give up anything, even in her final hours. what a coward. the only brave thing she did was have her own cells turn on her.

Why do betrayers so often feel the need to "unburden themselves"?

My answer was very simple. "I don't want to hear it! You did it, you die unforgiven! Take all your excuses into the flames with you! Now fuck off! I just hope it hurts and is slow".

This is better story than #3. The problem is that you did not finish it.

You write short stories and some time you have no proper ending so I am wondering - are you so anxious to post whenever you have an idea or you just don't have it in you to write longer one. If it is the first reason then just do Ch-01, Ch-02 ... and post as it grows.

... or Larabie, especially since he never even said goodbye to Emma. Yeah, he was dead inside, but Emma did deserve that treatment.

But... it all rings true. The Human Condition.

5-stars.

"Any decent human being would have at least said a word to reassure this dying woman."

When the POTUS in the movie "Independence Day" asked the alien what he wanted humanity to do...

"DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!

Nope - never let the cunts "expalin" that hurts them more than anything

Also are we supposed to know who Emma is and why she thinks she needs to die alone?

After 17 years she apologized. That should have happened within a couple of weeks of the event. Then she asked HIM to reach out to his son. He didn’t cause, want, or enforce the estrangement. IMO the son owes his own apologies, but never bothered to hear his side, or as an adult, ask ‘why?’, yet she expected the first move from the battered and abandoned ex.

This would have worked better if she’d asked permission to put the son in contact, and urged the son to make the first move.

She is one terrible person.

Thank you for this.

It’s just a small thing, but I was waiting for her to hand him the son’s address, phone number, or some other way for him to get in touch. After 17 years, he would have no idea where his son might be or how to reach him.

The son, yes. The ex wife, never, and let her burn in hell.

I feel more sorry for the lady he left behind at the lake

Death knocked on her door and she found her conscious. The 'angel of death' knocking at your door will do that.

Anonymous over 1 year ago

"Well I feel more sorry for the lady he left behind at the lake"

yeah me too

Well written, very well written. Just immeasurably sad. Cheating wife destroys a man, and gets a what seems to have been a pretty good life, until the cancer. But she still gets what she wants at the end. While a port old widow just gets lonelier.

The man, his son, and Old Emma, had my sympathy. The bitch wife, may she burn in hell.

Your series is Sad.

Not Dark.

And nothing new. Just another side.

The only defense men have is to just to not bother. Use women only for sex. Never marry. Do not live together, as the fucked up anti male law will use that against you. When you are stupid enough that she is pregnant do a paternity test. And always have an exit strategy.

Sad one.

Not up to your usual standards. 3***

Sad story. I see no sense in trying to rebuild any relationship with his son after so many years. He did nothing wrong. Let his son live and deal with the guilt created by his actions. Let the witch die of cancer knowing there is no respite for her traitorous actions. Be glad there is cancer destroying her malevolence. Go back to your simple life and to the widow who never judged you. Didn't like the end. Let bygones be bygones. Thanks for the tale.

The son completely have chosen at any time in nearly two decades to get his side. Why bother now.

Not finished!

Nothing to reconnect with. The son being 15 had to know his father don't abuse his mother. The choose was his to disown his father. Let him live with it.

Not well written, the finish was just plain confusing. He drove off? Really. Lazy end. 3 star

Really......

Don't blame the author.

He wrote himself that he wasn't a recluse by choice.

He was pathetic. As like everyone. In this situation whoever you are, how much you scream, if you're normal, then no matter what you would do the same thing.

No one is capable of holding a grudge that long.

Barely 2 stars. He should have started a fresh life, not miserably be alone and suffer. That was rather stupid. And the author could have gotten the bitch cancered out much earlier, but then i guess the story wouldn't be so sad. I understand the reason, but this makes me dislike the story even more.

None of these people, including the father, are worth a damn, he should have just killed the hoe right there in the cabin

I wouldn't give the sone a chance, he is t worth it and neither is his whore of a mother

I highly doubt a son of 15 years, who learning that his mother had committed adultery (no way that gets hidden from him indefinitely), and one "apparent" case of physical violence from his father in a public restaurant, would just turn and hate his father and be so easily manipulated by the skank. Rings false and came off as highly contrived. Later as an adult he would investigate some about what happened and find holes, either in thr lies of his mother, or say writing a letter to his father. Parents can manipulate kids who pre-teens but a 15 year old? Maybe a bit but not wholesale. Again there was no history of anything close to that. No abuse. No alcoholism. Anything. The problem is this disconnect from reality makes it hard for the readers to think the son is worth a damn. In rela life, he would be, because the situation would have had to be much more complex to create such a fatal rift.