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English
Term report
Pretty impersonal. Reads like a report....he did this then she did that ...sort of thing
DRY
Read like a statistics report from a bank. Good thing it was short story or I would have dozed off
Play by play
I agree with the other two who commented, as this story reads like a play-by-play. I recommend giving your characters some background and depth. As a reader, if I don't know a character, then I don't care what happens to them. These characters didn't even have names.
Keep working at it.
Total load of fucking rubbish by A Wanker
Total load of fucking rubbish by A Wanker
Good Story
Short, to the point and enjoyable... thanks for sharing this story!!
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