And that is that it should be easy to improve. The story is poorly edited, you switch points of view without indication, and your narrative is stream of consciousness. All that makes this story very difficult to follow. You can't write a story and make it readable by just writing down things when you think of them.
Nothing wrong with your story idea, just with the structure. There are many resources for writers online to help you with story construction..
I must agree with most of the comments. Don't you ever read a story back to yourself ?. Switches between people seemingly at random....edit edit edit. THEN it might be readable
English
There is Good News Here
And that is that it should be easy to improve. The story is poorly edited, you switch points of view without indication, and your narrative is stream of consciousness. All that makes this story very difficult to follow. You can't write a story and make it readable by just writing down things when you think of them.
Nothing wrong with your story idea, just with the structure. There are many resources for writers online to help you with story construction..
Total load of fucking rubbish by A Wanker
Total crap
Unreadable!
Oh dear !
I must agree with most of the comments. Don't you ever read a story back to yourself ?. Switches between people seemingly at random....edit edit edit. THEN it might be readable
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