Tribulations ( Lesbo Techno )

i was enjoying the rhythm

You have a peculiar way of writing that I quite enjoy, no idea why I must be weird, you did screw up the rhythm with a soul destroying spelling error that hatred my happy bouncing read,

Rachel, why is your hand is on my knee?

Up till that point it was pretty good .

* repeatedly smacks self *

Stoopid stoopid stoopid

I think I changed up the line at the last second before submitting it.

ok so im weird

I will defer on that point, what I concerned about though is if I'm weird for reading and enjoying, what the hell are you for writing it.........

:D

Yep ..... the line originally read

' Rachel, your hand is on my knee! '

And ... yes, Todski ... you are must be weird.

so

I 've been trying to figure out why your writing here is so interesting, the content is good but not amazing. So what is going on?

I think it is the repetitions of the bounce, I am guessing they represent the bounce of breasts, just a conclusion I make from your content.

But what it does is acts as a foil you cannot get to the end first because of all the bouncing bits :D. The rhythm of your stanzas in the middle skip freely along with a good beat and rhyme scheme then you pace it with the bounce, bounce.

I may be back to comment more later

Most everything I write is done to some made up music in mind. My intent / hope is for that musicality to cross the barrier from my mind into yours and become an additional layer that reinforces the story being told. If it is infectious enough, the reader can maintain the music while focusing on other aspects ..... like bouncing bewbies ..... and in this case, cut and paste typos.

I like the version on the forum better, Magnetron. The smaller font size for the "bounce bounce" makes it less intrusive — it's still there, and I'm still aware of the "music", but it helps things flow along, since (ideally) this music should be on the background while you move things along.

For some reason, in my head it should be three bounces for each "tribulations".

Anyway... Interesting thing you've created here. Good job.

Tsotha

Thanks for reading in both places. Yes, wonders can be done playing with text. Change ups in font and size, indenting and bolding can play a major role in how a poem is received.