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Strangers Ch. 01

byrhodi©
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by Anonymous

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by Shangha105/07/14

Interesting premise

The story has an almost dreamlike quality that I rather like. I realize that it's a short-short story but would have liked a bit more character development at the start.

That said, I almost stopped reading halfway through the first sentence. It was a horrible, horrible start. Get rid of the semicolon and continue through "wedding". Then describe the scene, leaving out the "I would rather ..." phrase. Fortunately, the story got more coherent after that.

You should also get a knowledgable proof reader. (Proofing is a true talent. I can't do it because I get too involved with the subject and start changing it instead of just correcting it.)

I'd like to read more of your work as you develop as a writer.

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by Suite21men05/08/14

Your Character Questioned

But it was never explained why this woman came on to him so gloriously other than to say 'weddings turn women on'.

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by Anonymous10/19/14

who is she?

much better if he found out who she is at the end(even better if she's someone he knew but just didn't recognize...)

but a good story! would love to read more!:)

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