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English
Damn slow
Damn this story is moving slow. Could you move a little faster, two chapters and not even a kiss. Think of who you are writing for and pick up the pace before you lose the readers.
seems well written, but chapters are too short
There just isn't enough to be engaging.
yeah yeah should've done it all in one chapter
well yeah it's my first story as I mentioned and I didn't realize they'd publish all so slowly..my fault. Chapter 1-3 really should've been 1 chapter. ah well.
What they said
Like I commented last time, it is to short, especially for the buildup phase. That is not to say I don't appreciate the buildup and getting acquainted phase. I really think that is important if you are writing a story rather than a quick jerk tale, but you need to have much more at once. 10,000 words is short for such a segment.
I think your style has merit, and if I don't forget I'll read the next section, but you have given me nothing to this point to really remember other than an intriguing title, especially since by the time the next segment comes out in a week or so I'll have forgotten who the characters are, let alone what they look like.
Please don't take this as a negative! If listened to and heeded it will be a definite positive.
All the best,
jc
so I resubmitted the other parts...
thanks guys. And I value your comments... something to keep in mind for next time. I actually did like 12 parts in one go, so it moved a lot quicker for me obviously. I'm not going to change parts 1 and 2, and I actually don't have the option the delete the other parts I've already submitted, so I'm just resubmitting the edits - I've basically combined 3-5 into part 3, 6-9 into part 4, and 10-12 into part 5... instead of 12, there will now be 5 parts and hopefully it'll speed up the action a little bit... kinda. So yeah I know the editors are volunteers; so if they get to it they get to it.
Feedback is appreciated!
I liked it...
It's still short, although you explained it, but this was a better length than the first chapter by far... it got to a natural stopping place, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s).
I do appreciate your style, and your ability to use proper spelling and grammar. Those being lousy will ruin a perfectly good story for me, so kudos for that!
Also, you should listen to Callicious... he's one of my favorite authors, and writes great series that have interesting plots, slow buildup, character development, etc. he's one of the decent authors here to read and emulate, he's a decent guy who gives some good advice too... I would suggest that you have a read of some of his stuff (actually, ANY of his... even if you don't like the subject matter), the writing is good!
If you're looking for other authors that I like to read that have similar series, etc., ping me and I'll get you a list.
I only offer this because you said that you were new... I don't mean to offend!
Good work, and looking forward to the next set!
PS. I don't write, and have great respect for anyone who can! I have no talent or imagination to make up stories, but I know what I like!
thanks!!
Not offended AT ALL, and I really appreciate the feedback! I might take you up on that offer for the list, but I don't spend that much time here anyway... wrote this coz I was totally bored with no internet access for a couple of weeks. I might do more, we'll see depending on how we go. =)
2 Questions.
Why would anyone read Part 2 if 1-3 just set things up?!
And (from the description in your bio/profile), what exactly is a quite evening?!
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