Unclean

this pissed me off

No end, evocative write, reminds me of when I was younger, unsure if the baby is being used as a metaphor for the narrator's plight, or if it is literal?

Ugly poem, ugly choppy read matches the material.

Nice rhythm break and scene change in this line

"Beetles drowning in a discarded glass beer bottle"

Before that you have

Rash, trash, and the near rhyme grass as a sonic pattern,
Glass fits but you made it muddy in the line breaking the pattern then changing the scene, at first I hated the line but on second read it seems to fit structurally

A VIRUS OR A CARRIER

a donor or a recipient, Missouri Me, TK U MLJ LV NV

@ todski

This one was a risk. I gambled on readers being familair with a dated old child hood phrase most often said when plucking the heads off dandelions or flowers.

And I gambled on how I used it : here is this dreary existence described by a girl haunting her home after being molested and choked to death by her father ..... then she suddenly breaks into a childhood song, "Mama had a baby and its head popped off." ..... and this reinforcing the idea of molestation and choking.

My hope was that the reader would be more sad than any other emotion, while becoming suspicious as to whether the girl was even alive from other not so obvious clues piling up.

my connection was from

Personal experience with drug addiction that dreamy half dead state as opposed to actuall death, I took the line deflowering less as a rape and more as a loss of innocence so my own experience seems to have shaded the poems intent. With your explanation. I can see the whole scene from a different light and now I want to kill the father, damn I need anger management classes or something, I mean who wants to kill a poem...... Fuck

The mamma had a baby and it's head popped off line has connotations toward drug addiction as well, as the losing your mind in the drugs, but it didn't come across as that was your intent which is why I asked the question. Now I wish I hadn't

Fuck!!

Fuckety fuck fuck! Let it all out Todski. I will hand you a foam bat and you can beat my poem into a submission of your own.

Gruesome

I wish it weren't so well written, then it would be easily dismissed. But before I was done reading I was picturing a gingham dressed, purple face wraith girl skipping circles around a dandelion patch. THIS is why I don't read horror or true crime.

LOL

She's coming to get you Trixie .........