Mucked Up

Hi, there...

been dying to use that line...
what can I say, it ain't pretty
but it works
rather well
5ed

strong opening lines
feel you could cut the rest by half and not lose impact but gain it. the wordiness is perhaps there to reflect the attitude of the one/s this is addressed to BUT, for punch, you could lose the excess. for example:

Mired in backwoods' logic
bog-solid
the rot of deadwood underfoot

Stagnant in dark water
Truths accrued
Investments deposited
preserved for an unspecified duration
Interest consumed

seems to say as much with less in the way?

enjoyed the read and that it gave me thinking-room.

This was one of my earliest attempts at writing out of my comfort zone. I decided to submit it after dusting it off and making a few minor edits. It has the potential to be so much more.

@ Butters : It is wordy, but I like how it comes across as someone standing there saying, "You're really fucked in the head, aren't you?" Then again, I'm not that fond of it or emotionally attached to the piece. Which brings me to my next reply.

@ Twelveoldone : You like? I sale you title of poem very cheap. You buy. Become famous poet.

~

Thank you so much for submitting this, it's a joy to come across amid some of the dross I've been wading through!