All Comments on 'There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 01'

Great start. Fabulous dialogue between Uncle Even and Niece Delicious. I have a hunch as to where this one is going, but we will see. My only suggestion is to break up the really long paragraphs - makes it easier to read.

why it so very difficult to become involved with the ever so stilted and overly formal way of speaking you have for the characters in this very rigid form of dialogue.

If you will accept my apology in advance I will share with you that no one speaks in the manner you attempt to replicate.

sarcasm should be duly noted. lol

I loved it! Funny as all get out. Reminds me of the motion picture, "The History of Tom Jones". Dry humor is my thing. Good Show! Cheers!

I am happy to say that Literotica has finally put this back where it rightfully belongs.

It took me a long time to convince them there was nothing offensive in this chapter and whomever complained about it was nuts, but I finally was exonerated and here it is. I hope you enjoy it in its original form. Thank you for your patience.

P_D10

THANK YOU

A well-written introduction, although I currently have no idea where the story is going.

Despite the comments of some, to turn out this much prose of this quality in only six hours is quite an achievement; it flows well and the punctuation is good. Perhaps you could get Delicious to type the next stories for you, as her typing speed would allow you to get the time spent down even lower.

A bit tedious and overdone. Too bad, since it detracted from an interesting plot and characters. Adding to the tedium is that everyone, so far, is brilliant, rich, attractive, healthy, and in most other ways unrealistically wonderful, if not perfect. Of course there's still plenty of chapters left to make them more real and human. Can't wait to read if you make it happen.

sorry about the heading, but this deserved that pun. one of the best starts to a story that i have read, period.

i tend to go to a longer story, because it takes more thought for that commitment, and thus the story is usually a lot better.

i am just sorry that i did not state reading them sooner.

thanks, tom

Comments have already been made about the stiffness of your characters and the stilted language.

You have me intrigued but I am going to have to take this story in SMALL BITES

Punch lines abound! Good story, interesting characters! Great job. Five stars

Your work has no business on an erotica website. I think you might want to consider something like self publication with Barnes and Nobles or something similar. I can't wait to see where this story goes. I hope its more of the same. This is a case of a story that doesn't need sexual content. Well done.

Intriguing and a complex story.

I love the interplay between the two of them, it's so fast and yet easy to follow. The sarcasm and humour is great, I love sarcasm, so this is right up my street. She is a wonderful character and I'm looking forward to now reading chapter 2.

i love your soh and you have a fantastic story line going but you need to proofread it 3 times to catch the little errors. keep up the good work...................georgeb984

Several readers have already mentioned the somewhat stilted dialog so I won't belabor it but I did notice it.

Another difficulty is the confusion with 'break', which damages things and 'brake' which slows things down. 'Your' is the possessive, while 'you're' is the contraction of 'you are'.

Both are distractions in an otherwise charming story.

That was fucking awesome! thank you =D

I won't nit pick the already belabored details but rather focus on the positives: The characters are not naturally/easily relatable ... Which makes perfect sense given their stated personalities, social avoidance and difficulty relating due to sheer intelligence.

You are setting the reader up slowly, dropping big ''hints'' that feel like potential false trails ... But I'm not sure.

You've established a lot of background without flashbacks or other monologues.

In short, I like it!

Thanks for sharing this.

Jason

Checked out the list of stories with the highest ratings and I found this great work.

On to chapter two. Thanks for sharing.

According To the story even makes at least 8000 dollars an hour

This series is fantastic.... look forward for each new chapter. Keep up the good work.

This story is good I had to go to my computer to vote because voting on tablet wont work fro some reason.

Had to come back and comment after I couldn't make it thru chapter 2.

If you like the banter between the characters and you don't really want to see anything else, you might love this story. For me it got repetitious and boring during the second chapter. If the banter isn't enough for you, you might want to skip the rest of this story...

I only got to page 2 when I realised this story had me crying and laughing. The dialogues are intriguing, very well written and a good read.

I love this story already but I can't understand how someone can write so well and at the same time make so many errors with homonyms.

Of the ones I can remember you used; were for we're, then for than, your for you're and breaks for brakes. Despite this you used effect correctly instead of affect, a very common error.

In the case od some stories I have quit reading them because of many errors of this type. Your story is much too (not to) good to stop reading.

It has been a long time since I have read a story that I couldn't put down.

I just can't get into this story.

It starts with Even wanting nothing to do with his niece. He shows up at the funeral home and proceeds to call her a hooker, ask for a blow job, then tell her that her mother was a whore.

Next thing you know, he's taking her to dinner and shopping, and she's blithely going along with the man, whom she has never met before, and who has engaged her in nothing but perverted conversation up to that point. For a girl whose mother taught her to be wary of males, she displays little wariness when it comes to her unknown uncle, who has, up to that point, acted abominably towards her.

As they leave, Rod somehow knows through telepathy -- or some such undetectable method -- that he's supposed to get Divine presentable for an open casket even though she was killed in a car that was crushed by a train.

Even tells Delicious that they will buy a few things and get the bulk of her new wardrobe back in Colorado, then they practically buy out each store they go to.

They are in a Podunk town, yet it has expensive, high-fashion stores and restaurants.

Even supposedly hasn't talked to any females, nor held any lengthy conversations with one, in many years, yet he later says he spoke regularly with his sister.

He's supposedly socially awkward and lets Rod handle all of his day-to-day activities, yet he talks like a seasoned man-of-the-world when he confronts the store owner over his employee being rude to Delicious.

The funeral is treated as an afterthought.

It doesn't seem like there were any people there, other than the lady who was with Delicious when Even and Rod arrived, so why the lengthy multi-day viewing? If there are visitors, the family is usually there to at least greet them. No one else was ever mentioned, except for the woman who was initially with Delicious. Who was she and where did she disappear to? Did Julius not have any family?

Specific viewing hours are usually set by the funeral home, but Even acts like they'll just show up whenever they feel like it.

On the plane, Even says that a fourth-grader should know "all the equations and theories as to why an airplane flies". That is an entirely ludicrous statement. In fourth grade, students are still learning very basic science and have nowhere near the level of knowledge, nor the mathematical skill set to even begin to understand all of that. Aerodynamic theory is simply not taught to fourth-graders.

Then, we have yet another case of Rod and Even communicating telepathically, so Rod knows to slip Delicious a Mickey to knock her out, even though she's calmly sitting there chatting with Even and no longer fretting about flying.

So much of this story doesn't follow any sort of logical progression. Things are skipped over. One thing is said, then the opposite is done.

I find the conversation to be stilted and unnatural. Thirty-something Even and 16-year-old Delicious speak with essentially the same voice. There is little to distinguish the one from the other, even though they differ in age, upbringing and life experience.

Even displays little of the awkwardness that keeps being attributed to him. His actions don't follow what we are being told about him. He has a 16-year-old -- and a female, at that -- suddenly thrust into his single, solitary, sheltered life, and just as suddenly, he has everything all planned out and knows just what to do.

It all doesn't add up.

As best-selling author, Tom Clancy, has said, "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."

This story doesn't.

Short story? This chapter 7 pages next one 8. Don't know after that. But definitely not short!!!

Some bordering on breaching lit rules of sex with under 18 yr old hmmm.

Some banter a bit banal. Most quite funny.

Please spell check.

On to next short chapter

Definitely enjoyed the repartee. I laughed frequently.

Boring, sorry but its so silly and the dialogue totally unrealistic.

Please stop.

I happened across this story by hitting the spin thing. I looked at the ratings and read the reviews. All but two were very complementary, but those two were blisteringly horrible. I can only picture they gave the author one star. This story came out with a 4.65 average and these two wankers, I'm sure, gave it a one star rating. I can't imagine how high the story would have rated if they had given it a four, or five star rating, which it truly deserves. Some people have a pole up their ass with certain authors, and that's their right, but they should not vote and bring the average down so far and ruin their scores.

Well that was the silliest story I've read in a long while, 7 pages and it went no where. What's it even about? Even the story category 'Novel and Novellas' gives no clue.

The smart assed teenager is frustrating and gets boring after the first exchange. A recluse of an uncle completely changes his personality after a 10 min conversation.

Don't bother with this. I can't even tell you what the story is about as the author doesn't use the story description sentence effectively and reading a full chapter of repetitive smart assed teenager dribble gives no clues.

Do they allow 0 stars?

Its a very well put together beginning.

Wonder what your IQ is?

I have read Chapter 1 and I understood (I think so) why it is in this category. I believe that this story covers many categories, and that typing it into one would not be correct.

The characters seem fresh and pleasant to me, with a touch of sarcastic humor quite marked. However, until now, I also see a commendable humanity in them, I do not see evil. Even if Even is incestuously in love with his sister, he respected her and turned away from her for his own love, preferred his own misery and loneliness, rather than do any harm to Divine.

As for his inability to talk to women, I think it's a lie, rather I think he does not want to talk to women. It is as if he were afraid to find a woman who could substitute his love for his sister in his memory.

It will be interesting to discover if Delicious could be that woman in the future, we must recognize that incest has already been raised, as does romance and also mature.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

This first chapter just blasts away into excitement and a whole lot of hijinks. I see how many chapters you have written and I cant wait to see how you keep this story running.

I don't see a problem with the premise or the plot - this entire site is about various types of wish fulfillment, and "ultra-smart, ultra-rich socially awkward shut in" is pretty much perfect wish fulfillment for the smart-above-average, but generally not that rich socially awkward shut ins of which this site likely has more than a few members (myself included)...

But seriously, those dialogs need work. They're repetitive and artificial, and everyone talks the same. And they lack any kind of indication of nonverbal communication.

It basically reads like an asperger's syndrome group meeting.

Love the story but way too much inane chatter!

Is their a plot here or they going to talk themselves to death?

Sorry, but the dialogue reads like how a stupid person imagines smart people talk.

Reminds me of the attitude I had myself 40 years ago.

The only thing that could have been funnier is if Even had decided to slam his father and his brother-in-law before they died by buying the business(es) where they worked through a front company and sought out Divine and put her in the top spot without knowing it was Even's doing, giving her express orders to terminate their father and brother-in-law at the first sign of problems under her management using extreme prejudice.

your are a pleasure to read.

thankyou

cheers

I think it is the second time I'm reading this story and I still find it hilarious.

However - not really related to this story even though the second time makes it worse - I wonder if the editors on this site actually ever read the stories they "edit".

It would be nice to read a story like this without stumbling about silly errors every third line.

I was enjoying the story until I got to the part where Delicious meets Rosalyn. I stopped there. I gave this 1*

I choked on my cheese and crackers, spit my soda on my monitor and woke up my spouse at 2 am rolling on the floor in hysterics!!! The haters are like Ron Weasly and have the emotional range of a teaspoon, hence they have no sense of humor. I'll be up the rest of the night reading to finish this and laughing like a hyena.

This is the best story of this category I have ever read

I am almost at the end of this story and am getting a bit sick of the constant physical abuse of essentially all the good men by the mentally disturbed psycho women.

The men are supposed to stand by and take any kind of beating from these psycho bitches and confess there undying love and fealty to these nutcases and be grateful they picked them.

The basic story is very good and interesting but the constant breaks in the story for pointless physical abuse from the women on the men, performed

(nee approved) by these absolute monsters is making it very trying, to keep going to the end.

If the author feels his is realistic I truly feel sorry for him if this is what his interpersonal relationships are like but the story is basically good.

Could not stop reading the 1st chapter . Told my wife she should read it and that never happens

stumbled back upon this, read to like chapter 20 a while back. I really should finish series before finding new ones....

hopefully ill finish this by the end of summer, only have a few million words to read. No, i'm not joking about that total, thats what happens what you have 100+ pages per series, and you have like 5 different series to read...

I appreciate the edgyness. The whittyness and driving competition of a smart young mind trying to find a place for itself.

read this years ago, decided to come back and finish it. still an absolute masterpiece

Absolutely fantastic. The back and forth between Even and Delicious is great. Makes me think of two equal fighters going at it for fun.

This will take a while, but it’s a good read!

One down. This story kept coming up in my searches. I'm glad I decided to give it a try.

Hello there.

This story is fun to read.

Thank you for writing it.

Cool story. Read it all now. But the summary is insanely misleading. Would be cool if u could tell the reader what he will be reading at the start. I happen to rlly like this old time sci-fi but I definitely didn't come here for it

Ich habe sie genossen und Tränen gelacht :D

Good start.

Great read. I love the humour & banter in this story.

I love,Love, LOVE this book!!!! I have laughed out loud throughout at the humorous, diabolical wit between the characters.

If all your books have this level of humor and snarkiness in them then I will follow you in whatever you write.

I really enjoyed this. Thank you

Really good so far a fun and enjoyable read