one rider less

take a song (poem)

and parody it
got it on the first line
I'm good too
barn?
5ed

ok i confess

It took me three reads to figure it out....... Damn now I have inadequacy issues! 5-ed

You know i love your poems

as a stand alone poem about a weather/experience i can see it from your eyes, but to tie it in with Morrison i think you might need a second stana to describe/visualize the 'rider', ie: the storm of music and excess he was riding :o

thanks, guys

for your responses. honesty's valued over hurrahs, and looking at this after submitting i'm not entirely happy with it. i feel it's a little muddied somewhere around those middle lines - don't know if less or more is in order. i'd lean towards less, harry suggests more. for now, i'm leaving it up in case i get any further feedback that might steer me in the right direction. thanks again :rose:

Further feedback that probably will steer your horse in the wrong direction, but here goes.
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I have no idea why it ends with small capital j "jim" or any name.

The quote about drugs by Morrison does the work of the poem that the poem could be doing.

I get the sense that lines 5 and 6 are about doing drugs, but only because of the quote.

Alternative spacing would help reign this in to better match up with Riders Of The Storm lyrics [ if that was your intent ].

there's a circlin' storm

trees toss[ing about] thin boughs

steel-shod nervous horse

eyes roll 'n' nostrils flare

whip-strike white lines
slantwise rain unfurls his majestic mane

"blows in" one open wild "door"

[insert quote here afterwards for make reader think, Waitaminute ... whut the ...?]

I agree with 1201 about the barn, butters, even with your explanation in PF&D. Somehow I see Morrison as an urbane, misguided artist, and barn doesn't fit that image for me. I'm asking myself what other image might suggest wisdom that comes too late? An iconic image I associate with Morrison is his tombstone in a Paris cemetery. Maybe you can work with that. Just a thought.