All Comments on 'Justin Thyme Ch. 16'

Just keep 'em coming...keep me guessing...keep on with the good writing and I await the next one!!! I would give you another 5, but cannot seem to get the rating stars to work.

Still enjoying this story, as sex is secondary. However, you may want to slow down hitting your submission button to double-check what you write. First page you changed Mary and Stephanie's surname from Winters to Weathers several times. I know people will say I'm being picky, or some such, but I am sure you would like to know as you do take pride in your writing. (Even commenters need to take time to proofread.)

Also, I have a bad feeling new renter is the hated cousin. Hope not, but not my business. I am glad that our fears regarding Susie's character did not come to fruition, as I am enjoying watching her mature due to Michael's influence. I hope this story has a long way to go.

Become Mary and Stephanie WEATHERS? You have written quite a lot of material throughout this series but, I promise you, I have been paying attention to every bit of it. Please don't be in such a hurry to get the new chapters out that you fail to proof read what you have written. It's a good story but obvious flaws that and Tom Meechum's destroyed cell phone detract from our enjoyment.

This is I think, the very best story I have read on this site. The sex is good but secondary to the story and it is just fantastic. Thank you so much for writing it.

It grabs your interest and just keeps getting better. Even if it had no sex this would be a great story.

I hope you continue to write new chapters and that you end it before it gets boring but not for a long while. 10 stars .

to be able to carry this multi threaded story-line to the level of detail that you have is beyond description. your characters all have a wonderful depth and realism. I eagerly await each chapter and think you should be proud of this work!!! Deeno

mikey and justin should start a business together. justin builds it mike programs it.i also hope rose doesnt get kicked to the side with the new store guy having her and steph with justin just completes them.

These Anonymous yoyos get after your editing and they don't know a thing. They delight in picking up on the two or three oversights in 50,000 words. On an AMATEUR writing website, no less! I wonder if they would have the balls to criticize Scott Turow, Vince Flynn or their editors! Just keep up the great work. I can't wait to read the next installment!

I really hate these comments on proof reading.

Please do understand that if you are re-reading your own story, you are re-reading THE STORY. Not the individual words or sentences

You can proof read someone else’s story and find some errors and misspellings or

grammatical errors, but not in your own story. That has nothing to do with the speed in which you want to submit a new chapter. It takes you at least 6-8 months to get ‘unchained’ from your story and be able to get some mental distance.

And well, Winters changed into Weathers three times, so what is the problem? I immediately knew who was being referred to.

I really admire the writer’s capability of writing so much chapters and still induce you to read the next chapter.

One of the best currently running stories, if not the best in this category.

to many story lines. it started as an erotic story... but now... please more sexual activity,,

Another great chapter. I love your story is nice and caring. I can see Justin and Rosemary setting up a Trust Fund to help make the support for military kids. I can not way to see Susie's reaction when Michel pops the question at the prom, Please don't let him not be able to make it back, that would crush Susie.

Waiting patiently for the next chapter.

Killer12

To lost: It's not just about the sex but an on going story of the lives of these people the sex included.

If your looking for a fuck fest I'm sure there are many that are just that with no story at all.

I would give it 10 stars if i could,but we all know that your stories are that good.Keep up the good work and can't wait for the next chapters

Forget about what others say about your writing, I understand it! Please bring on more like Tom and Mary getting hooked up, Susie and Miky getting Married and all going to School! Keep up the good work! One of my favorite Erotic stories.

I know the streets that Pete and Dave drove down like the back of my hand. The Portillo's that you spoke of has been put up for sale (along with the entire chain) in the last month. When you get the Beef and Sausage Combo, ask for the sweet peppers if you don't like sweating a lot. And.... I know parking lot at Heavenly Bodies as well (been there a half dozen times or so as well). Never expected the stories to be so rich on detail.

This episode was lacking on erotic content but once the house gets moved into I'm sure it will pick up three fold! With all those horny college girls running around I'm sure there will never be a dull moment.

Thanks for giving me an excellent story that I most certainly can relate to!

Another ' 5 Star performance' !

I am addicted to your great story & need more. Waiting for the next chapter.Thanks

another 5***** star chapter, this is much more than a erotic story. not every chapter has to be all about sex and fuck fests. i love reading about the growing relationships between the different peoples in this story. thank you and will waiting for your next installment.

5*, of course! This is possibly the best series on Literotica! A gripping story, and beautifully written despite occasional errors. Would make a great ebook.

ChasB, but Literotica won't log me in.

I love all the interwoven story-lines. I just hope that the main three remain together somehow. I really think that the friend Debbie mentioned would have to be someone other than the cousin Rachel, I think, if it was her wouldn't she just approach Justin and Rosemary's Mom? Anyway loving the story, and this one gets another five stars. Thank You.

I really enjoy the story lines.

I just found this series last week and I burned through them all. My only comment now that I've hit this point is you can't write quick enough. To this point the sub plots have been great, I just hope they don't overwhelm you because it's seems like there may be an overwhelming number of possibilities once they finally get settled at ASU.

Introducing a new character.... Brian Stevens? Perhaps this will be a love interest for Rosie.

I read a few stories on this site and I'm finding this one to be very well written even with the few errors that pop up from time to time. But then who am I to complain about that...I should use an editor when I type out an email...:-). I love the way this story has been developing and can see many directions it can head off in. I am looking forward to where things end up...I can even see the odd 'spinoff' coming out of it...but again, I'll leave that to you as you are the writer and I am the reader. Thanks for giving us your story so far and for what you are working on for us too.

Now if I may be so presumptuous:

To Hamster (Keep it up!) - although I do agree with you that it is annoying to read comments from 'Anonymous' that do nothing but criticise, some almost to the point of 'hate mail' status; I feel constructive criticism can be helpful to the author of these stories. If it is justified!! If I were a writer I would want to do a good job, whether It is an amateur or professional project. I appreciate that you have registered with this site and have even written a story here - good for you. Not everyone has the creativity to write a story...but can maybe see something that went awry in what they are reading; perhaps because they don't have the vested interest in the story as an author does.

In my opinion -for what it's worth- for you to call someone that tries to help an author out by pointing out errors (gently I hope) in a story, "These Anonymous yoyos..." is a little hypocritical. I say that because I'm guessing your drivers license doesn't identify you as "Hamster", and the use of an alias is no different than Anonymous. So please step down off you high horse and let's just enjoy the stories and accept other folks comments. Some of them - probably not this one so much - are rather amusing, and maybe even helpful to the authors of the stories that we either really like or maybe on occasion not like so much.

Sorry for the tirade...I just get irked by the folk who hide behind pseudonyms and tars all Anonymous commenters as a bass sort of reader that should not be able to have an opinion.

Thanks again for giving us your story Callicious...it's great!

Love the story. Love the character development and interplay. Love the sexy bits.

A bit jealous off Justin and friends families and upbringing. Seems a bit unreal to me, but then my family and childhood weren't anywhere near typical.

I couldn't write anywhere near as well as you do, so please accept the following paragraph as being intended as constructive criticism of a really great story and author.

Sometimes it seems a bit too much like a soapie. E.g. the car crash was okay, and Michael being such a fantastic person was a nice twist, as was his religion and the romance between him and Susie, but him being both the son of a famous, wealthy footballer AND even wealthier in his own right as a computer programmer was a bit over the top. Similarly, the railway gold AND the gold bullion AND the stock certificates. Similarly the friction with Abernathy AND him being caught at Heavenly Bodies on work time AND Michael being instrumental in him being caught out in corrupt conduct.

A suggestion: Since you've already acknowledged being caught out in goofs, and you really flesh out your characters, it might be handy to keep personal profiles of each character for reference. Mind you I don't know if this might cramp your style or slow you down, and I'm impressed and pleased by how fast you're pumping out the chapters. I didn't even notice the goofs until you mentioned them because I was so caught up in the story, although I did see a few typos, like "Don't try to play smart with my, Abernathy." ("my" should have been "me", a proof-reader should have caught that for you.

Keep going with the story - I'm greedy for more!

A great story, and the way you've written it, it can go on and on for a long time!!

I saw that one of the other comments was that the entire Portillo's restaurant chain had been sold. I hope the new owners don't change anything!! BTW, I think you meant a beef and Italian sausage combo, not polish sausage. They have a great polish sausage sandwich (the Maxwell St.), but the combo is with Italian sausage. It's great to have so much detail in a story!!

Callicious,

I started reading your story at the recommendation of my friend RecHiker. I've continued reading it because I really like the story. Building genuine loving relationships is the way I think love and sex should be. Thanks for a story that works that way.

Fat_Dad

( http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=1386167&page=bio)

I think that some of the critics posting here about misspellings and wrong words sometimes forget about spell check and how it will substitute words for what is typed. So many readers here seem to look for things to gripe about instead of enjoying the stories.I like how you have created all the subplots and look to see how they will work out.You,Rechiker and Fat dad are doing similar types of expanded stories, which I, personally prefer to the short and quick ones.These are not for everyone,so those who don't like them can look for what they want else where.You can't please everyone so do what you see as the best way to tell your stories.I also liked your other series that you have posted. they have dealt with some very strong issues that a lot of people can relate to.

Great chapter once again! When ever Justin starts listening to a piece of music I stop and try and find it, great choices. I look forward to your next chapter!

All Chapters#

Great story that hits all the emotions, I cried more than once, laughed and got wet boxers! Looking forward to more when time allows.

Great story keep it coming...

When can we expect the next chapter? come on, when? really anxiously waiting for the next installment...

Your story about the house, and the broader story about the people, including their abilities and interactions, stand by themselves as quality, salable novel material.

The erotic materials are fluff. Trite and redundant, they do not add to the quality of this fine effort.

Of course, I enjoy your erotic works as well,

this is a great story - funny, heartwarming and sexy :-)

Please keep writing YOUR story, and ignore the nit-pickers! If you were a professional writer, you would have a bunch of people proofreading it, and editors to help smooth out any bumps - my only concern is what happens if (when) Michael finds out about Justin and Rosemary - with his old-fashioned morality, Im sure he is going to freak!

I love these characters, and Ive enjoyed these srories very much - thanks for writing them!!

I have read sixteen chapters without stopping and I am enthralled by the mystery and the underlying love themes that set the tone for this piece. I need to listen to the music as an added bonus. Thank you for your commitment to your art.

I really dislike how you keep mentioning Rosie finding someone. If they love each other that much, why can't they stay together. It's like you stop the story and love cold every time you mention it. I hate it. They love each other Nuff fucking said.

i'm fairly late at coming to this story, but you could do well to actually write dialogue the way that normal people actually talk. Proper english can hang for the most part. nobody says whom in a sentence, grammarically correct or not, and none of the teenagers in this story would talk the way you have written them. Either you are really old, or you have never talked to a teenager. Either way, the dialogue is anachronistic.

The room with the desk underground would have been perfect for a pool table, with Michael and Susie living in the carriage house, Rosemary in the mansion with Justin and Stephanie. They could replace the ladders with metal emergency ones. They could also wire the area up as their own private retreat to get away from all of the hustle and bustle, installing a refillable water cooler in the room would have supplied refreshments, while a steel door with locks on Justin's rooftop room preventing entry from others, allowing the entry in his room being left open with a few windows to allow ventilation on cool days. Not everyone in Arizona wants to be outside in the heat on the weekends.

FYI, In the Chicago area, it's Italian sausage and Italian beef in a combo, not polish sausage.

the author died 4 years ago

Still loving it second time around.

Oops, the author got confused on names, using "Weathers" as Steph and her parents' family name for a short while. A bit disconcerting until I realised it was just typos.

Grandpa seems to be exaggerating Michael's legal rights to the additional treasure. Michael might have some claim to the bars of gold, even though he wasn't there when the bars were discovered, due to them being found in the secret passages he helped Justin discover, however his claim on the documents in the secret drawers seems rather iffy - the documents weren't in the secret passage, but in a desk that Justin already knew about, and it was the Railroad antiquarian who found the secret drawers. In fact said antiquarian would have more claim.

Pretty murky on who owns what. , but it’s fiction, but the contents of the house are owned by all six partners, Michael may be a great guy but he doesn’t just ”become” a half owner of the treasure. This makes it hard to follow as to why they are having meetings on what property. But it is fiction.

The author speaks like Michael has more rights, investment, and shares of the house/gold/stock than Rosemary or his parents. Michael has no legal claim to any of this. Some of the gold coins and ore plus the pistol ( itself worth a good chunk of change. ) was a generous reward for finding the entrance. BTW I’ve made a couple of single story hidden spaces. A multi story ladder takes a 3 foot by 4 foot absolute minimum for a very cramped ladder. It would take a great architect to hide that, and even better luck as at least three passes of plumbers and electricians ran pipes and wires. They would notice.

The contents of the house belong to t&t LLC not Justin.