Poet Trees

A fine line

deftly walked
so close to the cliche, so danced away from, well it hits a few but who cares
very well done
5ed

It actually started out as additional lines to someone else's poem. Then I stripped away the lines I hadn't inserted, leaving me with an unfinished poem of my own. It was an experiment in showing others how good poetry sparks associations in the reader's mind, while it acts as mind fuel to other poets.

This is beautiful writing

honest and emotive without being overly bathetic. I think you could pare it down a little to make it even stronger but that is just my opinion. This poem conveys a whole other side of you as a writer and I really enjoyed reading it. 5ed it.

@ Angeline

Cherish such moments, for these are very few and far between when it comes to me.

What 1201 said

to pinch his line from some other comment on a different poem.

your sound weave here is intricate and overlays a sense of romanticism, I enjoyed it.

The language is employed beautifully, Magneton. I might have begun with line 3, and lines 3 through 12 are, indeed, beautiful. "Core" didn't work for me, perhaps because it seemed a word that was inserted for the sake of rhyming with "more" in the line that follows. It picks up again for me with "Ancient/Rekindled," but for the same reasons I alluded to in lines 1&2, I'm not sure I would have included the last line.

I agree with Angie about paring back a bit; the above are just my suggestions to consider about how that might be.

I really liked the word play of the title. Great poem.

WORDS AND PHRASE ASSOCIATION

the onset of many forgotten tomes of lore, TK U MLJ LV NV p/s rap-rap.

@ GM

Here is my reasoning for why I feel the lines 1,2 and final are integral and should remain. It is a story about memories a lost loved still bringing joy though faded over the course of time.

Thus, the echoes - it is the same, but not as intense. And echoes(memories) have a rhythm unto their own to which I equated with rhyming poetry.

As for core, I suppose I could have researched what the true labeling of the innermost aspect of a tree is. This was pretty spontaneous.

Like the imagery...

There are two words I would drop. The "now" at the end of L16 and the "back" at the end of L29. Both feel unnecessary and broke the flow a bit for me.
I actually started to sway after reading the word and only realized it a moment later.

@ Trixareforkids

Good ears. I'll definately keep that in mind.

Great title, Magnetron. I like the entire poem, but lines 9-15 are my favorites. Not much to say that hasn't already been said... Good job.