Never Leave Virgins Alone

WOW!

There should be an award for stories like this one!
nunca meritorious comes to mind!

How much time did you spend on this?

I'm asking that both due to it's brevity, and to it's "lack of polish". You seem to incorporate punctuation like someone throwing pasta at a wall to see if it's finished cooking. The story isn't especially original, or remarkable in any way, but you could have at least told what little you did have to say in a way that would have been easier to read.

Here's a primer in punctuation: Look at the paragraph I wrote. See those commas? Commas let you combine sentences together. Commas enable you to shape your writing into something that sounds more understandable and relatable to your readers. They create pauses in the story. PERIODS let you know you've finished a sentence and moved on to a new one. Also, so few people understand the principle of the "...", and it's really not that hard to grasp: At the end of a sentence, it indicates the narration is trailing off. At the beginning of a sentence, it indicates a "p.s." sort of trailer to the previous sentence. And despite the repeated use as a space holder to indicate pauses in dialog (such as when some author attempts to type sex talk, for instance), it's not grammatically correct to do so.

"It all began after he allowed me to stay the night I was 19 and he was 26 we loved each other as cousins... Well that's what I thought."

Should have read: "It all began after he allowed me to stay the night. I was nineteen, and he was twenty-six. We loved each other, as cousins. ...Well, that's what I thought."

And suddenly, the text makes more sense. Punctuation, when used properly, breathes life into boring text. Sorry to point out the obvious, but this story was D.O.A.

No Talent

I try to be positive to new authors, but really, this reads as though it was written on the back of a small envelope during a school playtime break. How 4 people can make it their favorite, I have no idea, they need to get out more.

Please don't insult the readers with anymore of your writing.

Total piece of crap

This was without a doubt, THE WORST STORY EVER! Rest assure that i was on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world. I didn't even read more than four sentences. The female perspective is obviously an idiot male who has no idea about women. This story was bull shit do you know what lit erotica is? it is erotica literature not a load of crap like this.
I am warning you i never want to see you submit a story on literotica again.

I wouldn't say that the author has no talent it comes off to me as he just put it together in five minutes without any thought of grammar or punctuation. Most readers here prefer something a bit longer I myself like to read stories that are 4-6 pages. As for the story itself there is no background and no build up. We have no idea what the characters look like or even their mindset. I'm not a writer myself and I'm just giving advice from my own preferences as a reader. Another thing to note is you need to be more descriptive not just with the physical description of the characters but also in what's happening.

ESL?

I hope that English is not your native language. If it is then our education system has failed you. If it is not, then I can accept the curious (awkward) syntax and sentence structure. But I'm not sure that can explain the total lack of sensuality, eroticism and passion. You are probably very hot in bed, but certainly not in front of a keyboard.

Good Grief! It's like there's blood in the water!

Come ON, people! This is a FIRST effort, for heaven's sake. The author needs encouragement, not to be cut to ribbons! Obviously NONE of YOU have written ANYTHING for public consumption. It is much harder than is seems so give the newbie a break! Could it have been written better? Yes! Was the story weak? Maybe to us jaded readers. But it was her story and she really had no choice but to get it out of her head before it drove her nuts.

not good

crap like this is why readers keep saying USE A GOOD EDITOR BEFORE POSTING! i wish all writers would listen and the web masters would demand it.

Rookie of the Year

You wrote well enough for a starter out of the gate. I like your story.

Good start

Liked your story, would like to see more. Don't pay any attention to the anonymous idiots with out a name.Thanks

Good start

I have to admit I was a little disappointed when the story quit after they woke up. I think it would have been better if you left out "but still to this day we have fuck dates!!We use condoms to prevent pregnancy." In my opinion it would have been better to just leave that part out and just leave us hanging... to me the abrupt end was surprising and just felt wrong.

Are you thinking about continuing the story? How about putting her on the pill. Even with the pill if they continue with condoms, maybe they could start without it then put the condom on before he gets too far along. Sure it is quite annoying having to stop to put the condom on after started but you said "We use condoms to prevent pregnancy."

:)

This is my first story, i know it needs work . Thank you for those with good criticism, I appreciate it.

Okay story but . . .

I don't know story collections continue to include stories about sex between cousins as incest. Perhaps it's an attempt to imbues a certain type of story with a forbidden quality it does not deserve. Sex between cousins is not incest. Nor is sex between aunts and nephews or uncles and nieces. Nor does incest include sex between in-laws or between step relatives. Incest is committed only when there is sex between grandparents and grandchildren, parents and children, or siblings. A pretty narrow definition.