I like your story so far, it is almost believable, but heavens your English sucks. See if you can get an editor here on Literotica. At least your spelling is mostly OK. Your grammar however is a different story. Honestly it will make your story more enjoyable for those who learned grammar at school. English is nor my first language, although if truth be told I am not sure which one is these days. I had to learn three foreign languages, including English as well as my native Dutch. I moved to Australia in 1973 and Dutch is not quite Lingua Franca here, so mostly I have spoken English since then. Learning extra languages makes grammar important, hence my noticing your lapses.
by
Anonymous06/12/14
5 stars, grammar is fine
Really good story so far, I actually loved this story on the CHYOA site and always hoped for it to get written into a finished story. I think the grammar is fine a few typos. It's not like people speak in perfect grammar anyway.
by
Anonymous11/10/14
horny aussie
5 stars from me so far but not for your grammar as that's a bit shonky but not as bad as others on this site that I've come across. So I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters as so far It's a nice story that you are conveying to us meer mortals that haven't the foggiest of how to put our fantasy's down on paper or on this format, so thank you.
WOW ... so looking forward to the rest of the story .... love the banter between everyone ... and the comments are just like what happened in my 6 sibling family ... was sure you were recording the hits ... thanks for the great read ...
English
good start
nice balance and good to see a story told with a back plot second. lots of room for forward plans. good character and buildup. 5stars
More
More please
Nice story, but...
I like your story so far, it is almost believable, but heavens your English sucks. See if you can get an editor here on Literotica. At least your spelling is mostly OK. Your grammar however is a different story. Honestly it will make your story more enjoyable for those who learned grammar at school. English is nor my first language, although if truth be told I am not sure which one is these days. I had to learn three foreign languages, including English as well as my native Dutch. I moved to Australia in 1973 and Dutch is not quite Lingua Franca here, so mostly I have spoken English since then. Learning extra languages makes grammar important, hence my noticing your lapses.
5 stars, grammar is fine
Really good story so far, I actually loved this story on the CHYOA site and always hoped for it to get written into a finished story. I think the grammar is fine a few typos. It's not like people speak in perfect grammar anyway.
horny aussie
5 stars from me so far but not for your grammar as that's a bit shonky but not as bad as others on this site that I've come across. So I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the chapters as so far It's a nice story that you are conveying to us meer mortals that haven't the foggiest of how to put our fantasy's down on paper or on this format, so thank you.
So nicely done ...
WOW ... so looking forward to the rest of the story .... love the banter between everyone ... and the comments are just like what happened in my 6 sibling family ... was sure you were recording the hits ... thanks for the great read ...
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