I found a lot of misspelled words that got me off track reading. This being a BDSM trip I was confused when I didn't read anything about BDSM. The step-sister seems to have a violent side to her. I always envision someone being the dominate and a submissive, or a slave. Beating on a person and shoving panties in the person's mouth doesn't show me any BDSM action. I had to guess the sister is the dominate, but the brother seems to be a punching bag more than anything else. The story seemed to be a first draft more than anything else. Again, that is not BDSM as I have seen it.
RS
by
Anonymous05/27/14
Lacks credibility for one thing.
Total lack of credibility starting with the first sentence and it just gets worse from there.
by
Anonymous05/27/14
PROOF READ!!!
Too many silly spelling mistakes that should have been weeded out simply by using Spellcheck, followed by proof-reading!!
Write in Word, then Copy & Paste? Is that possible in the USA?
@RockyStone - where does it say that it's a BDSM story?
I know it says "Rachel and I decided to spend some quality bondage time together. " but is it possible the writer meant "Bonding" rather than "Bondage"?
Seems to me to be labelled Incest/taboo, but sex between Step-siblings is NOT Incest and there's no reason for it to be taboo!
by
Anonymous05/27/14
Stopped reading after the first sentence
Complete Dodo-spunk, not worth the paper it would take to clean it of the toilet wall - go and have some sex and leave us the fuck alone. Stars? You gotta be fucking joking.....
To the two anonymous comments, if your so critical of others, do better yourself. If your as intelligent as you try to demonstrate, get a job as an English Teacher or find a chair at the local library. We (the rest of us) read these stories to be entertained by the fantasies of others as well as our own. Please don't ruin our fun with your drivel. I thoroughly enjoyed your story although it was short.
You've already had people point out the typos, etc., but let's focus on the actual WORDS.
So much of your story made no sense: ..."a glimpse of a vast number of her skin..."? I can see a vast "amount" of skin, but a vast "number"? Or, "Her breasts were a pair of magnificent orbs, a true perfection of geometry." What? "I couldn't help but notice their presence as they bounced one by one with each of her strides..." Were the boobs striding? Were they taking turns bouncing? I've got to tell you, as a connoisseur of bouncing boobs: they pretty much bounce in tandem. I've never seen any "take turns" bouncing.
Maybe you should have posted this in the Satire section.
English
Keep writing
I found a lot of misspelled words that got me off track reading. This being a BDSM trip I was confused when I didn't read anything about BDSM. The step-sister seems to have a violent side to her. I always envision someone being the dominate and a submissive, or a slave. Beating on a person and shoving panties in the person's mouth doesn't show me any BDSM action. I had to guess the sister is the dominate, but the brother seems to be a punching bag more than anything else. The story seemed to be a first draft more than anything else. Again, that is not BDSM as I have seen it.
RS
Lacks credibility for one thing.
Total lack of credibility starting with the first sentence and it just gets worse from there.
PROOF READ!!!
Too many silly spelling mistakes that should have been weeded out simply by using Spellcheck, followed by proof-reading!!
Write in Word, then Copy & Paste? Is that possible in the USA?
@RockyStone - where does it say that it's a BDSM story?
I know it says "Rachel and I decided to spend some quality bondage time together. " but is it possible the writer meant "Bonding" rather than "Bondage"?
Seems to me to be labelled Incest/taboo, but sex between Step-siblings is NOT Incest and there's no reason for it to be taboo!
Stopped reading after the first sentence
Complete Dodo-spunk, not worth the paper it would take to clean it of the toilet wall - go and have some sex and leave us the fuck alone. Stars? You gotta be fucking joking.....
Really
"This continued for a bit before I noticed that my cock was hard again." I'm not a guy but I he doesn't he has a hard on
Taboo/Incest
To the two anonymous comments, if your so critical of others, do better yourself. If your as intelligent as you try to demonstrate, get a job as an English Teacher or find a chair at the local library. We (the rest of us) read these stories to be entertained by the fantasies of others as well as our own. Please don't ruin our fun with your drivel. I thoroughly enjoyed your story although it was short.
You've already had people point out the typos, etc., but let's focus on the actual WORDS.
So much of your story made no sense: ..."a glimpse of a vast number of her skin..."? I can see a vast "amount" of skin, but a vast "number"? Or, "Her breasts were a pair of magnificent orbs, a true perfection of geometry." What? "I couldn't help but notice their presence as they bounced one by one with each of her strides..." Were the boobs striding? Were they taking turns bouncing? I've got to tell you, as a connoisseur of bouncing boobs: they pretty much bounce in tandem. I've never seen any "take turns" bouncing.
Maybe you should have posted this in the Satire section.
Good story
Keep writing you have a story started just needs more chapters. Anonymous comments suck as if they are scared to put a name behind it.
ESL?
A bit ragged. And sucking her nipple with her panties in his mouth? Really?
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