You need to speed up this story. You are giving no real action for Bill. When do we see Bill have a full club play and fuck some of the other members? Lets get this story moving before I get bored and leave.
This series is starting to lose its novelty. The same thing is essentially happening in each chapter. Strange women we don't know see his dick, he can't cum.
It doesn't help that the protagonist is basically a lifesize cardboard cutout with no personality.
Basically, if the point of the story was to tell a tale of exposing oneself to a group of women, this story already achieved that in the first chapter. Now's it's just getting old...
I agree with the above comment it`s about time Bill lost his virginity and saw some action, even after that the story could go in a number of directions.
I really like what you are doing here...was teased somewhat like this by a group of girls when I was a fraternity brother "sold" to their sorority for a fund raiser during "Greek Week" in college...the end result was unbelievably absolutely exquisitely shamelessly mind-blowing...among other things! Truly this is one of those "the end justifies the means" scenarios. My only complaint is don't make me wait so long between chapters...LOL!
by
Anonymous06/03/14
Don't listen to them...this and the pace is great...I'm being teased by the story of a tease. I love it
by
Anonymous06/05/14
Plot hole
The WVC is supposed to be a secret club and yet Sydney (presumably a member) is parading Bill around an open store and telling two unknown girls about the club and letting them play with her "recruit". At least in Chapters 3 and 4 they locked the doors and kept the activities within the club.
by
Anonymous06/05/14
Still Loving it!
Great fantasy of mine. I love the focus on teasing his dripping frustrated body. Please write more!
j
English
Too slow
You need to speed up this story. You are giving no real action for Bill. When do we see Bill have a full club play and fuck some of the other members? Lets get this story moving before I get bored and leave.
Repitition
This series is starting to lose its novelty. The same thing is essentially happening in each chapter. Strange women we don't know see his dick, he can't cum.
It doesn't help that the protagonist is basically a lifesize cardboard cutout with no personality.
Basically, if the point of the story was to tell a tale of exposing oneself to a group of women, this story already achieved that in the first chapter. Now's it's just getting old...
I agree with the above comment it`s about time Bill lost his virginity and saw some action, even after that the story could go in a number of directions.
Well done...a tantalizingly teasing tale!
I really like what you are doing here...was teased somewhat like this by a group of girls when I was a fraternity brother "sold" to their sorority for a fund raiser during "Greek Week" in college...the end result was unbelievably absolutely exquisitely shamelessly mind-blowing...among other things! Truly this is one of those "the end justifies the means" scenarios. My only complaint is don't make me wait so long between chapters...LOL!
Don't listen to them...this and the pace is great...I'm being teased by the story of a tease. I love it
Plot hole
The WVC is supposed to be a secret club and yet Sydney (presumably a member) is parading Bill around an open store and telling two unknown girls about the club and letting them play with her "recruit". At least in Chapters 3 and 4 they locked the doors and kept the activities within the club.
Still Loving it!
Great fantasy of mine. I love the focus on teasing his dripping frustrated body. Please write more!
j
WVC Notes
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