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English
lack knowledge
The author must lack knowledge for using a word that totally doesn't exist. His "cummed" proves the point, should have been most likely 'came'.
Pacing Way Too Fast, Just Abusive Not Sexy
I appreciate this is your first time with this genre, but slow down. It seemed everything happened in a blur, fill in some details, provide some background, tell us what the creatures are thinking, more on how the woman feels. And you have to balance this whole horror thing. Scary, kinda gross, yes. But completely violated, no agency, no pleasure is just...rape, which just isn't sexy IMHO. Good luck.
decent for first try
Felt a bit rough, just needs a little revising in my opinion. Still not bad.
1. No communication between the reptiles and her?
2. No communication between them and the orcs, did the orcs buy her off them or something?
3. Describe how she felt sitting there in her cell after the gang rape. Some Introspection, or self questioning, or guesses about why they wanted her?
Hope you did not take any of the harsh critics too much to heart, and continue to write. Next time though try and put your self in her shoes ( for the confined in her cell bit anyways) some people would call it filler, but I think it makes the character more believable.
Bit rough for 1st try but potentially good
I liked the story line you chose. It has potential as a great story but the way you delivered it was harsh, swift and lacked depth to it. It needs some fleshing out which means, where are the details. You basically had her plunged in for no apparent reason. Characters weren't really developed and then she was raped written in a very brash style that left me not wanting to continue the story as much as I would've if this had been written well. As I said the potential is there. Maybe get an editor to help you work out the kinks in it and it will be a good story to read. Today 3/5 keep writing.
Two apples in two days, no liquids save for cum? Her ass and pussy torn up?
She would be dehydrated, delirious with hunger, exhausted, her pussy and ass would be so torn up that she would need stitches and the blood loss from the orde would result in a necessary hospital visit.
If you're going to write about rape, fine; but try googling some pics or videos and see what a woman will look like after 12 or 24 hours of violent, aggressive rape. Not very pretty, or erotic.
Other than that, it's a pretty good start. Keep on writing.
Can't wait for more!
I thoroughly enjoyed your story and I just wanted to say that I can't wait for the next chapter. Regardless of what the others say I was quite happy with what you wrote. I was also satisfied that I didn't have to puzzle out misspellings and grammatical errors like I have to do with so many of the stories on this site. You did a great job and I am eagerly waiting for more!
:P
Sucks that she lost her hair, can't wait for part 2 :D
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