this really could have been an amazing story for a full score. but, the grammatical errors just kind of halt the flow of everything. perhaps finding a trustworthy editor for your stories would benefit your stories and really help you push this just that little bit to get the best scores possible.
this story is so convoluted,don't understand why you didn't just start from 1999 and work forward
its really hard to follow who's who,seems all the people in story a related in someway,but whose sister is this,whose cousin is that,is there only one man in picture and he is related to them all in someway ?
by
Anonymous08/23/14
I want them together
I want Jo & Alex to get together. I know she's a lesbian, but the very end of chapter 1 makes me think. Guess I'll have to read the whole thing & hope...
by
Anonymous11/10/14
horny assie
The grammar is still crap,please get an editor or proof reader for any more of your stories as the grammar is spoiling the whole story and starting the chapter so far in 2000 then dropping back to 1999 is confusing me as you are trying to follow what's happening with everyone and I'm having big trouble in still liking the story that you are giving us,so please try and rectify this somehow maybe by going back and rewriting the whole story from starting in 1999 till you get to 2000.
by
Anonymous06/16/15
wow yaba daba doo294b
by
Anonymous07/11/16
You Need Different Editors
should use "wiping" not "whipping"
Also, this is an example of a run-on sentence and you have SO MANY of them in your writing:
"Liz smiled as she watched Alex leave kind of wishing now she hadn't panicked and snatched up the pictures before he had gotten a good look at her in her prime, though he seemed to enjoy her as she was now, even with her bulging belly and swelling tits he still stole a peek every now and then when he thought she wasn't looking."
A possible rewrite of that could be:
"Liz smiled as she watched Alex leave. She was kind of wishing now she hadn't panicked and snatched up the pictures before he had gotten a good look at her in her prime. He did seem to enjoy her as she was now. Even with her bulging belly and swelling tits, he still stole a peek every now and then when he thought she wasn't looking."
English
just under the mark
this really could have been an amazing story for a full score. but, the grammatical errors just kind of halt the flow of everything. perhaps finding a trustworthy editor for your stories would benefit your stories and really help you push this just that little bit to get the best scores possible.
WTF
this story is so convoluted,don't understand why you didn't just start from 1999 and work forward
its really hard to follow who's who,seems all the people in story a related in someway,but whose sister is this,whose cousin is that,is there only one man in picture and he is related to them all in someway ?
I want them together
I want Jo & Alex to get together. I know she's a lesbian, but the very end of chapter 1 makes me think. Guess I'll have to read the whole thing & hope...
horny assie
The grammar is still crap,please get an editor or proof reader for any more of your stories as the grammar is spoiling the whole story and starting the chapter so far in 2000 then dropping back to 1999 is confusing me as you are trying to follow what's happening with everyone and I'm having big trouble in still liking the story that you are giving us,so please try and rectify this somehow maybe by going back and rewriting the whole story from starting in 1999 till you get to 2000.
wow yaba daba doo294b
You Need Different Editors
should use "wiping" not "whipping"
Also, this is an example of a run-on sentence and you have SO MANY of them in your writing:
"Liz smiled as she watched Alex leave kind of wishing now she hadn't panicked and snatched up the pictures before he had gotten a good look at her in her prime, though he seemed to enjoy her as she was now, even with her bulging belly and swelling tits he still stole a peek every now and then when he thought she wasn't looking."
A possible rewrite of that could be:
"Liz smiled as she watched Alex leave. She was kind of wishing now she hadn't panicked and snatched up the pictures before he had gotten a good look at her in her prime. He did seem to enjoy her as she was now. Even with her bulging belly and swelling tits, he still stole a peek every now and then when he thought she wasn't looking."
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