All Comments on 'F5: Heirlooms of a Wicked Time'

An interesting take on the theme. Imaginative. A bit convoluted, though, and couldn't give it high marks because the technical mistakes intruded and it wandered a bit to a rather mild conclusion for a horror story.

You had an excellent premise and good Gothic horror elements. Plot-wise, this could have read like "Fall of the House of Usher" meets an old-fashioned haunted house/witch's curse campfire story. It felt like it only got partway there, though, and the editing and usage errors (envelop = verb, envelope = noun; feted = celebrated, fetid = disgustingly smelly) were distracting.

I think you missed out by not giving some focus to all three of the prompt elements and only focusing on the book. The book itself could have been much stronger if you had inserted "passages" from it throughout the story in a contrasting voice to show the inevitability of what would happen to Phillip in the end. As it is, the story is primarily Phillip's interpretation of what he reads in the book, where you could skip that element altogether and just let us read the book. While you did a decent job of showing that his perception of what's going on in the house is warping the longer he stays, the whole story would have been more effective with more emphasis on that.

I loved the subtle ending. I feel like I need to brush my teeth after this one.

Did I enjoy reading this? Well, yes. In that you've succeeded. The atmosphere was pretty cool. Very dark and ominous. Made me want to pick up a candle and explore the room.

The story read from the book about the family's lineage was intriguing. That much kept me reading wanting to know about what had happened. It was a bit unclear at times, and a few times I had to retrace my steps to get a better grip on the occurences. I will say some of the descriptions were beautifully and thematically done, while other times they were bulky and kind of overloaded the pacing. A bit confusing, but I liked them.

I do feel like the book and its contents took center stage, the fulcrum on which the story tilts. Which is a good thing. I kinda feel like I wanted a bit more from the handkerchief and the knife. They were included very subtly, and when you did it was pretty creepy and cool, I guess I just wanted to read more of their roles. Which is a good thing too. And after all, I only saw the requirement as writing that opening line, not making each item a major theme.

Sex? Meh, tastefully vague and fit right along with your prose. It didn't do much for me but I can live with that. Mainly because the eerie and effective horror you used. I liked the curse concept and the "thing" that ailed the family in the guise of the Lovely. Great stuff there.

In all, I liked it. Cool direction taken from that sentence, though it did get a little wayward and puzzling here and there. Good luck in the FAWC.

SC

Full disclosure: this was pretty deep in my wheelhouse, so maybe I'm biased.

While it does suffer from a few technical problems, as noted by others in the comments, that didn't really bother me. It had such a classic horror feel, like the pulp comics I used to read as a kid. With a healthy dose of gothic horror. I kept picturing the sister and thinking of "Old Hag" of a nightmare poised on a young man's chest, riding him in his sleep, in his dreams, this time, to death.

The descriptions were excellent and many of the scenes were handled with a deft touch--the magical attack in the swamp comes to mind. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Maybe you are taking advantage of my nostalgia, of my soft spot for dangerous women and all things terrifying and mysterious, but, like the men in this story, I can't resist. Loved it.

This was a dark little tale from beginning to end. Not normally my thing but i liked how you handled it.

Good little horror story. That would have made a good Night Gallery story for sure!

Your story was well written stylewise and I enjoyed it, but I did have a couple of quibbles. He didn't seem entranced enough to not notice or dismiss the clean wine bottles or fire starting, and so it seemed a bit of a weak transition to him going upstairs to her.

It simply never got off the ground. Never captured my interest. Never created anything entertaining. No stars.

Needs lots and lots of work. Not nearly as good as the other F5 I read. Sorry.

Barry