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It was going great but you rushed it in the with actually impregnating part.
It's a good start but this is very rushed. If u slow it down instead of going to shower to pregnant it would be better
You?
And anatomy.
Gigantic impregnation > sextuplets in seconds transitions to flat womb and possession?
just a thought
You might want to name the person. Most readers don't really care for "you" stories.
Yes! Tentacles!
I like it; I have no complaints.
good start
People want to empathize with the victim, give her a name, also
take it slow and give more detail, we want to feel what she is feeling, especially when it feels nice or interesting.
Anonymous
I must be one of the few people who enjoy it when the author does not name the character and instead uses "you". It makes it even easier to imagine yourself in her place.
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