A Gilded Cage Ch. 01

Lovely start

You have set the bar high by mentioning TRS and TLT so good luck to you.
If she is as feisty as Mila and Kara and he's as big an arse as Asher and Arlington, then you are on a winner.
Some typos which need keeping in check, ( eg his of gas ), but well written and certainly descriptive enough to get the teeth gnashing.
Great debut.puella

KEEP WRITING

I am loving the story so far! Some grammatical errors and mishaps, but getting an editor can easily fix that! Keep up the good work and cant wait to read more!

Still has potential

This was a good beginning. I'm sure lots of readers will like it. A potentially good twist on the oft told tale. Why does it always have to be a princess? Why does she always have to be a virgin and why does the virgin always have an orgasm during a rape? I could have been contented with everything up until the orgasm.

However this story can still be salvaged from the magic cock syndrome. Especially if she learns to turn her body off and no longer give any response.

Actually, as she was laying on the table in the great hall being belligerently fucked by the general to the enthusiastic roars of his officers, I was thinking it would be great fun if she arched her back and yawned, checked the cleanliness of her fingernails, asked about the crack in the ceiling...

Some annoying autocorrect mistakes, I hate when that happens.

AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?

I am so curious to see what is in store for the dastardly general when the drugs wear off and her wits are regained.
Keep up the good work. The content of the story is solid and engaging I would rather you post chapter 2 quickly and have the odd grammatical error than endure a long wait.
Keep up the good work.
Regards,
R

I love it

I want more!

Thanks for the support!

Chapter two is uploaded and pending!

I have been a bit more thorough with the proof reading this time so I hope that helps. I have about 70K words of this stuff written up already...

Great story!! but--

Gilded, not guilded. :( Could you update the title?

Evil Empires *claps hands and jumps up and down* those are always good for some fun, if you keep them seriously evil and don't let them fall into cartoon evil.

The King was taken away? Was that to some secret, secure location for safety? And he didn't take them? What the hell, dad? :0

So, just how is her name pronounced? I get cranky (every time I read it) when I have to garble around a name and am STILL not sure how to say it. Ann-near-ah? Ahn-eh-ee-ra? What? :-/

He had her tramp stamped and pet tagged? So he has his basic asshole kidnapping invader points already and now the meter is running. Stand back and watch the numbers flip....

Word choice can be so important in building characters. After she awakens, you have him 'darting' towards her by the fireplace. He has no need to 'dart.' Darting is what the prey does to avoid the POUNCE of the predator. He is a python, watching and waiting so long, then STRIKING. All words describing him and his actions should be power words. All of his dialogue (inner and spoken) is wonderfully horrible. Not one redeeming quality to him. The asshole meter kinda ran out of numbers on the ante-dinner entertainment.

I am of mixed thoughts about her responses. The touching in his room...that seemed to 'magical-ly.' The orgasm during the rape...you did work to make it less 'magical cock' but you could have punched up her fight and horror. He was obviously working to make it happen to increase her humiliation and increase his image before his men. It wasn't just an accident or a she-found-her-inner-slut moment. I do like how you had her tune out afterward. That seemed a real response. If she goes a googly-eyed for his hunky self, you will lose supporters. We want the good fight. That's what we pay our money for. ;D

So if they took the whole country, are dear old dad and all her brothers dead? Is there any hope for rescue? Any rebellion against the tyrants? Was there a reason for all of this, or just because they could? We will stay tuned to find out.

Update

Title change - oh god how did I not notice! Such a moron. Edit submitted.

Word choice: that's really helpful, thanks! I'll definitely bear that in mind.

Name: An - ee - ra, pretty simple, old Welsh name, but not pronounced quite how it is written :s

Good start.

Yes, I agree that a bit of proofreading from an editor would be good. Maybe a good editor can also help the sentences flow better and be more engaging.

Please don't let this be virgin princess falls for handsome warrior lord and submits essily. Surely, her kingdom can strike back somehow since the king is missing? Is he scheming, plotting, and asking for allies? I want complications, political agendas, more of a fight in our heroine, and some action thrown in would be nice.

Ok, not bad...

As one of the reader point out some Word are benig use in the wrong place. Also , how should I Put it, strange use of the sentence/describe? About orgasm during rape, well it's hard for your body not to respond When before and during rape your clit is Being stimulate. I rather have her have orgasm during rape than being hit during it, and then pass around to his men. Btw her father the king "run away" fr.o.m. The war? How come they left her behind? And she is dum to hide at à place that you can't escape fr.o.m.? Oh well what do I Know I don't live there lol. And somebody please kill the stupid girl that scream, thank you, she should put her hands om her mouth to prevent the sound. Now I know what to do if that kind of situation arise. When hearing footstep getting close : " every one cover your mouth now!! ". Any Way let see how the next two chapter play out......

A great début

Yes a few typos and auto correct mistakes, the bane of my life auto correct but also my saviour at times!
I would hate to see this turn into a 'magical cock' story, keep it non con please, he has the beginnings of a great evil player and once the drugs wear off I'm hoping we see some more fight from her.
Well done and a strong 4 stars

Good

It's really good for a start, perhaps more than one page next time?

I Loved It

This is excellent, and your first story? Wonderful job!

Great job!

Seriously, this is your first porn story?! Amazing, for a beginner! A really good read! Can't wait to read more of your stuff!