Getting Over It, Revisited

Well done. So often true. The results of "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."

Yeah

The grass is never greener on the other side. Just brown patches and dead weeds. A lesson for all cheaters.

You really have NO concept of how to tell a story. Every one of yours I have read are boring, text book like so called stories! LEARN how to tell a story that isn't basically in point form. Put some emotion in them, they're all flat, nothing there to them at all.

sad for her

hopeful for him

Grim but Real

Pretty much the way it is after a mid-life marriage meltdown. Lot's of lonely people wandering around like zombies hungry for something they lost from a previous life. Sadly, they never really will find it again. They can temporarily sate their hunger on the flesh of another but when the are done, they will wander again in search of what they lost.

Huh!, where is the voting stars?

But, if they were there, I give it a 5*. I think we all live a lot of life saying "if only".

Not Bad

I was pulled in, and liked what I read. I would prefer a bit more substance. You foreshadowed well, but as with cooking it felt like something was missing.

Rachel and Tim or is it Jim (EDITOR) are headed for romance. Number five is the winner with both him, Jim or is it Tim, and Craig. I liked that hubby didn't find one immediately, well played.

June as with most cheating spouses knows now that she had paradise and through her selfishness destroyed it.

Very well done, nice pacing, but as I mentioned you are missing something.

Keep writing!!!!

*****

on a chance

Took a chance and read this story as I don't usually read things that do not allow rating. I'm pleasantly surprised and Agreee with the previous posters don't know why you didn't include a rating option. low self esteem in your writing maybe? I think you'd be pleasantly surprised

Not too bad but....

It seemed dry. Like you were reciting facts and figures. There was no real emotion in the writing so I never really got into their story. Maybe next time.

boring

this was the most boring thing I have read to date!

She took him for granted

Life is what you make it. But as she went for the meat and she lost a good thing
we always want what we can't have or think we need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not bad with the plot and basic story but the conversations were written way too stiff and proper.

You missed out

I usually don't read stories with no voting history. I did read this one and you missed a 5 star rating. Well done for the most part. Lacked very little. Keep writing.

Superficial characters

not to mention a writing style that reads like a musty textbook. Do people really speak that way? Especially teenagers?

is this ?

Is this an attempt at the Turing Test ?
If so it is a failure.

Seriously stiff and awkward writing style.
Wouldn't you do better if you wrote in a language that you were fluent in ?

Good One

I really enjoyed this brief story. You kept the interest going nicely and the spare and disciplined use of words made it easy to read. You certainly know how to tell a good story. I hope there will be many more.

Thanks

Needs Expansion !

I can see the point of writing the Revisited tale, however the characters, old circumstances in relation to the new situation of the characters needs a lot more depth.

Needs redrafting

I liked the story

It was told pretty well but unfortunately, for me, it seemed a little stilted.
The conversations were written in proper English, not the way people talk. 3* for me.

I liked this story

If the stars were there I would go five. Nice spin near the end - I was afraid of RAAC but thankfully no.

It's written in proper English because the story doesn't take place in the ghetto.

5* if voting was allowed.

Are all those commenting on this site frustrated English majors. If so why read this, why not apply your undoubted talents to a more appropriate topic

****

Life goes on. Hopefully the cheater finds another cheater to hook up with. The situation looks promising for Craig and Tim. Cheers!

YOUR GETTING WHAT YOU GOT

only this time no kiss, no Vaseline. TK U MLJ LV NV

Actually enjoyed this one - it is indeed realistic. Stupid cunt deserves a lonely life, the son obviously has brains.

The ex-husband will find someone worth waiting for - and it is not the slut he divorced. Well done, author.

is there going to be another chapter ?

Make your mind up, is his name Jim or Tim?

Nice Attempt

Nice attempt at trying to grow a pair and appease the BTB crowd.
Now all you need to do is learn how to write!
This story was bland beyond reason, and while the conversations were probably somewhat grammatically correct, nobody outside of a Berlitz learn to speak "English 101" class really talks like that.
Your track record on this site is very poor.
When you do allow scoring, you seldom score higher than a three, which is based on your content as well as your limited abilities as a writer. In other words from what little I have read, you tend to write non-man wimp stories rather poorly.
Perhaps you should consider flower arranging or origami as an alternative hobby to writing.

Ignore some of what Zed0 said.

While he did bring up some good points on how people would speak to each other, his comment about picking up another hobby was insensitive and stupid. In order to improve in writing you need to continue to write. In addition guy hasn't written a single story so his critique on ability is very limited on substance.
The story also had very little build up, there was backstory but it really seemed backhanded the way it was given. Might as well said:
She cheated, her son hates her, she wants her ex-husband back but he moved on.
The trick is to provide details that make the reader either hate or relate to the characters.
There was no real character development at all except that the father was a decent guy that was on his 4th date (ending it) and 5th date (likes her). Also why did she like her so much? You said she had some qualities he liked but really didn't give examples of those qualities. You could say she had a take me or leave me attitude but its better if you create a situation or quotes that exemplify those traits. As an outline this was great, has a great basis to build off of.

No rating?

I am really not a competent reviewer of fiction, but I do like to give some feedback. If you had a bad experience with it, that is unfortunate. On my subjective scale, this is a 4*, and you left enough tantalizing bits around for a second chapter or a sequel if you have a mind to. Thank you for sharing.

The Title Fits.

Life goes on.You get out what you put in maybe!!!

Cull

While the word "cull" is technically correct for "select" or "choose", its common English meaning is to kill.

A nice little

"Life goes on and sometimes good guys win" tale.

to cull means to take out the bad or worst to me

and the husband did that

No matter how many times you revisit

You're still an asshole. Isn't this fun?