A Milky MILF

This is an erotic fever-dream of a story. Very hot!

grammar

PLEASE check the story for homonyms and grammar errors and then resubmit it...

Randon sex talk.

Without some kind of characterization beforehand, this effort leaves me cold. I need to be able to fix actual lifelike people in my head to think it's actually happening or else it's just so many words on the screen. There's a comparable difference between erotic and medical photography of the same subject matter. You described a one-page sex scene that was clinical but not erotic because it was like two anatomically correct androids having an encounter. There was no actual "he" or "she" behind those pronouns - all just swatches of standard sex words and phrases from any number of soft porn novels.

Build some characters and try again.