pretty good story so far & it does need editing work. I'm not to sure you need any more characters, it's hard enuf to try to keep up with the ones already mentioned & trying to place them in the story. It gets a lil' confusing at times when a name comes out of left field.
Also the back & forth between years is sorta distracting too.
I look forward to the next chapter.
I think you are set up now time for the boy to nock them all up that's how us old players roll.
by
Anonymous08/05/14
Brings back memories.
My older sister and I spent most of our time together naked growing up. We lived in a rather remote area and our parents were also naked some of the time. My sister and I started to explore each other early on and of course masturbated . First ourselves, and eventually each other. I would finger fuck her while she jacked me off and then we progressed to oral sex. We loved to sit and watch television and play with each other and then my sister decided to include some of her girlfriends which pleased me to no end. This didn't stop when we grew up and my sister, and her friends, still stop by to get naked,64F3 fondled, sucked and fucked
I do see what your doing there with changing the years often. It gives the reader a small peak of what happens further into the story but switches over to a diffent time period, and the reader has to follow along for a while to understand everything. With regular books and tv shows, they keep the viewers on a cliff at the end of each episode, but then fill them in right at the start of the next episode/chapter.
You're doing great. Some grammar errors, but you're. A hell of alot better then people writing these stories.
Please, listen to the readers, who tells you to stop playing with the timeline - even a professional writers do not mess with that stuff if they can. And usually, they can.
English
GOOD
pretty good story so far & it does need editing work. I'm not to sure you need any more characters, it's hard enuf to try to keep up with the ones already mentioned & trying to place them in the story. It gets a lil' confusing at times when a name comes out of left field.
Also the back & forth between years is sorta distracting too.
I look forward to the next chapter.
keep it coming
I think you are set up now time for the boy to nock them all up that's how us old players roll.
Brings back memories.
My older sister and I spent most of our time together naked growing up. We lived in a rather remote area and our parents were also naked some of the time. My sister and I started to explore each other early on and of course masturbated . First ourselves, and eventually each other. I would finger fuck her while she jacked me off and then we progressed to oral sex. We loved to sit and watch television and play with each other and then my sister decided to include some of her girlfriends which pleased me to no end. This didn't stop when we grew up and my sister, and her friends, still stop by to get naked,64F3 fondled, sucked and fucked
its great
I do see what your doing there with changing the years often. It gives the reader a small peak of what happens further into the story but switches over to a diffent time period, and the reader has to follow along for a while to understand everything. With regular books and tv shows, they keep the viewers on a cliff at the end of each episode, but then fill them in right at the start of the next episode/chapter.
You're doing great. Some grammar errors, but you're. A hell of alot better then people writing these stories.
speed
Are you almost finished with vol 2 ch 4 plz hurry you have New addicted
Too Many Changes in the Time Line
Please have mercy on your readers. All of the changes in the time line are making this story hard to follow.
really good
its a really good story but im not a big fan of the mom stuff i just dont find it pleasing like the brother/sister stuff
***
Please, listen to the readers, who tells you to stop playing with the timeline - even a professional writers do not mess with that stuff if they can. And usually, they can.
Time line
Please stop with the time line. It's a good story but I get confused at times.
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