This is really bad. The idea isn't the problem. I see what you're trying to do, especially since I know there are two sequels, but you don't have a clue about sentence stucture, grammar, or word usage. You even made up some words (it's "nook and cranny". There's no such word as "nitch".) "Starred" should have been "stared". I could go on but there were frankly too many to remember without going back through it, and that would be a waste of my time.
English
odd
it's a little odd that she went to get her purse butyou never said why try to keep up with details
rubbish
total rubish
In the words of Zim
You lie! YOU LIIIIIIIIIIEEE!!!!!!!
?????
This is really bad. The idea isn't the problem. I see what you're trying to do, especially since I know there are two sequels, but you don't have a clue about sentence stucture, grammar, or word usage. You even made up some words (it's "nook and cranny". There's no such word as "nitch".) "Starred" should have been "stared". I could go on but there were frankly too many to remember without going back through it, and that would be a waste of my time.
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