Putting on a Show

Good story, but needs a little more detail

This is a promising debut, but I feel like you rushed through it. You didn't really tell us anything about the main characters, so when you jumped straight into the action at the beginning, it threw me off a bit as a reader.

What makes a story exciting is when you can connect with the characters. The characters in this story were merely props instead of fully-fleshed-out people. We don't even know what any of them look like. The sex scene is hot, but without knowing anything about the people having sex, it loses something.

My advice is to slow down, include more detail, and let the story unfold naturally.