Otherwise an interesting story - looking forward to the next chapter.
There are some strange word choices and constructs - "He took my by his hand and walked me through the house." for example. Wouldn't that read better as "He took me by the hand and walked me through the house"?
Things such as this break the flow of the story and get me thinking about the wording instead of the story.
by
Anonymous07/08/14
Its getting interesting and I can't wait for more!
English
needs some proof reading and editing
Otherwise an interesting story - looking forward to the next chapter.
There are some strange word choices and constructs - "He took my by his hand and walked me through the house." for example. Wouldn't that read better as "He took me by the hand and walked me through the house"?
Things such as this break the flow of the story and get me thinking about the wording instead of the story.
Its getting interesting and I can't wait for more!
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