try writing about half as much with twice as many words and with much more even pacing. most of the side notes were unnecessary or perhaps misplaced. i like the mental image you describe but the relationship stuff in the beginning is almost entirely pointless and maybe deserved a single sentence. whereas the last part: anal, at last is way too short.
Thanks for your comments. This was a real event. Sometimes the stream of consciousness associated with the memories interferes with telling the what happened in a more focused manner. We had several more sessions, the three of us and Kevin and I alone. As I write about what those sessions, I will keep your comments in mind.
English
constructive criticism
try writing about half as much with twice as many words and with much more even pacing. most of the side notes were unnecessary or perhaps misplaced. i like the mental image you describe but the relationship stuff in the beginning is almost entirely pointless and maybe deserved a single sentence. whereas the last part: anal, at last is way too short.
Criticism
Thanks for your comments. This was a real event. Sometimes the stream of consciousness associated with the memories interferes with telling the what happened in a more focused manner. We had several more sessions, the three of us and Kevin and I alone. As I write about what those sessions, I will keep your comments in mind.
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