by greenmountaineer
Wow fantastic how does GM pull it off times without number superlative poems while i wallow in mediocrity gotta rush off to see Wimbledon Final on Star Sports but this new style of streamin' thoughts really superb words fail so sad Neymar is outta' WC 2014 but this here poem 's really somethin' else any praise will be too little for this streamin' crea-'shun signin' off & once again Congrats GM on churnin' out Monster Hits 'gain 'n 'gain .........!!!
the action of water over rocks, the so-called meandering, the action against the banks, it is all fluid dynamics...
however a stream has a beginning and "works" to an end or a destination...
for the first part, you have the repeats, the diversions
the building on some of the diversions ( funny name that BJ's is)
but unless I'm mistaken you have a wadi
a downpour that goes nowhere,
and a bad title to boot
trust me, I can do this bullshit in my sleep - it works better with with ambiguity and more of a resolution
where the fuck is Emp?
I was wondering what the hell was going on, till the
"Ooh Baby Baby
you feel so big"
then it put me inside the mind of a woman having boring mandatory sex, ticking off items and lists going through the motions, then its finished up after her obligatory fake orgasm then she wants to go watch the news.
I have no idea if that was your intention but to me it pulled together right there and gave me the context I needed to make the piece work.
I took me a while to digest your comment, 1201. That particular blind spot is called pride of authorship, but you're right. In fact, "news at eleven" is quite a logjam, given how definitive it is.
Look for an edited version sometime in PF&D.
Really enjoyed this, like Todd - took me a minute. Funny thing - been having an offline conversation with another Lit poet about male voice - female voice and tried to put myself in a womans head ( pregnant woman, no less), Difficult! Well done - would like to see some female comments...
Very nice and telling idea indeed and I think the items on her list were excellent. As Oldbear says, I have no idea if this tallies with how they do think but it does seem credible with the emphasis on the pragmatic.
Really good to see a different form of poem from you. I am very unsure whether it is fair or right to want more ‘flow’ in the monologue. More flow could sort of destroy the whole point of the way of thinking.
Now, not really to do with the poem as a poem, I did want to weigh in on the subject of the faking. I am not aware of any woman faking it like that with me and I have gone on to wonder if that is because they were better at it, I was too thick skinned to notice or they could not be bothered to pretend it for me. You have me worried.
Signed
Worried of England
Get the fuck out of my head. ;)
Yes, you captured it well, the ADD days when it's all frenzy and too little time for thought and enjoyment. And ashamed to admit I've faked my share of "orgasms" in some misplaced need not to hurt feelings but not able to get over the stupid little shit.
Yep, you did great, 12's comment notwithstanding - perhaps not poetically speaking, but from a reality perspective. Embarrassingly so.