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English
Duh!
I didn't read a thing based on your description of your story already had typing errors.
confusing
So, he is staying a few blocks away, she offers him a lift, but once at the hotel, it switches to her room, and she is inviting him up? That, and the many grammar and typos stopped me going further. Please have enough respect for readers to get yourself an editor
NOT ALL THAT BAD
Your other comments did have some good points, but were way too critical. #1 The story is free, reasonable people wouldn't expect a professional effort. It's OK to point out mistakes, that helps us amateurs learn, but you need to be explicit, which neither commenter was.
I enjoyed the story enough to give you a 5 when I read it through for entertainment, which is I'm sure, how you meant it to be read. After reading their comments I read it again, more critically and picked up on some things they may have been referring to.
Consider these points. #1 the word you were looking for in your description is probably happenstance. #2 She impaled herself on it. #3 I think she was shuddering as she peaked, or maybe she peaked and then shuddered. Any number of ways to make the statement, just be sure to keep the verb tense constant. This is probably the hardest thing for amateur writers like us to do.
Anyway, keep writing, you have good plot ideas.
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