Too short, not enough content, didn't go far enough.
IMHO, author should have waited to have a more complete story or even chapter before publishing. Good start though.
by
Anonymous07/11/14
Certainly worth the read. I find the scenario of using arousal from pain to humiliate highly erotic. My only complaint is that the father seems to have capitulated too quickly. Or is it just a lull inthe proceedings? I would have liked to see Nikki slowly destroy her father's (and brother's) beliefs.
You have sentences which are incomplete and details in the story which are inconsistent (e.g., she's at a prom where everyone is dressed nicely but she feels Reed's dick through his jeans.) This was a snippet of a story. You need to develop the characters, you need more dialog, and you need more plot. This "story" only deserves two stars but, with work, it could be five stars. Writing is not easy; don't expect to be finished writing a story in 10 minutes.
by
Anonymous01/27/15
I actually hate story lines like this,they just piss me off. I remember reading another one, one sister and like four brothers of varying ages and personalities. The brothers were douches just like this father and brothers... Self righteous pompus fuckers bound and determined to 'protect her innocense' when deep down they just really want to keep her and fuck her for themselves, self admitted or not. Hypocritical pussbags that go out fucking everything that moves but not evenletting her go on a date.
Its family like this that would drive her to fucking the worst self serving douche in school, or sneaking around and letting a couple of teachers bang her after class in 'study hall'. Then move out or run away at the first oportunity.
Hell I'd have loved to have run into her while in my early twenties! The day she turned legal I'd have picked her up in the middle of the school day, just her, her i.d., social security card and birth certificate and promptly left town with her, setting her up at our new home in some far distant city. Let her leave all her things and just start fresh, buy new clothes, finish taking classes online and get her diploma or ged that way so her douchie family couldnt track her and harass her, trying to own her life. I'd happily be her prince charming, sweeping her off her feet and taking her away from it all.... Loving her, kissing her, teaching her the extacies of her body, making love with her and driving her to orgasm after orgasm. Free of stress, free of judgement, free of condensending attitude. Then she can have a friend of hers drop a letter in the mail back in her home town telling her loser dad and brothers where to stick their self righteous dicks and to fuck off because she never intends to ever see them again.
...get another short term apartment in another distant town, go there and see a judge and get her last name changed to something very generic, close the apartment out and dissapear from that paper trail, moving back to our home.
If I was having to play her in these stories I think I'd drug the iced tea at dinner time with a huge bottle of sleeping pills and then do a larena bobbit on those fuckers while they were sleeping! ....or just castrate them so they could stare at their self righteous dicks every day knowing they could never use them again!
(Hey, tell us how you Really feel! Hah!)
English
Too short, not enough content, didn't go far enough.
IMHO, author should have waited to have a more complete story or even chapter before publishing. Good start though.
Certainly worth the read. I find the scenario of using arousal from pain to humiliate highly erotic. My only complaint is that the father seems to have capitulated too quickly. Or is it just a lull inthe proceedings? I would have liked to see Nikki slowly destroy her father's (and brother's) beliefs.
Welcome
Nice start , I can imagine Nikki running rings around her family .
Definitely Needs An Editor
You have sentences which are incomplete and details in the story which are inconsistent (e.g., she's at a prom where everyone is dressed nicely but she feels Reed's dick through his jeans.) This was a snippet of a story. You need to develop the characters, you need more dialog, and you need more plot. This "story" only deserves two stars but, with work, it could be five stars. Writing is not easy; don't expect to be finished writing a story in 10 minutes.
I actually hate story lines like this,they just piss me off. I remember reading another one, one sister and like four brothers of varying ages and personalities. The brothers were douches just like this father and brothers... Self righteous pompus fuckers bound and determined to 'protect her innocense' when deep down they just really want to keep her and fuck her for themselves, self admitted or not. Hypocritical pussbags that go out fucking everything that moves but not evenletting her go on a date.
Its family like this that would drive her to fucking the worst self serving douche in school, or sneaking around and letting a couple of teachers bang her after class in 'study hall'. Then move out or run away at the first oportunity.
Hell I'd have loved to have run into her while in my early twenties! The day she turned legal I'd have picked her up in the middle of the school day, just her, her i.d., social security card and birth certificate and promptly left town with her, setting her up at our new home in some far distant city. Let her leave all her things and just start fresh, buy new clothes, finish taking classes online and get her diploma or ged that way so her douchie family couldnt track her and harass her, trying to own her life. I'd happily be her prince charming, sweeping her off her feet and taking her away from it all.... Loving her, kissing her, teaching her the extacies of her body, making love with her and driving her to orgasm after orgasm. Free of stress, free of judgement, free of condensending attitude. Then she can have a friend of hers drop a letter in the mail back in her home town telling her loser dad and brothers where to stick their self righteous dicks and to fuck off because she never intends to ever see them again.
...get another short term apartment in another distant town, go there and see a judge and get her last name changed to something very generic, close the apartment out and dissapear from that paper trail, moving back to our home.
If I was having to play her in these stories I think I'd drug the iced tea at dinner time with a huge bottle of sleeping pills and then do a larena bobbit on those fuckers while they were sleeping! ....or just castrate them so they could stare at their self righteous dicks every day knowing they could never use them again!
(Hey, tell us how you Really feel! Hah!)
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