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English
Good concept
A good idea, a few problems with execution. Jumping from 3rd to 2nd person (she then you) is the major flaw. But I will commend you for a good first effort and a sexy imagination. Keep writing! And read what the site says about categories. This is far from romance.
thanks :)
Yeah, i made some really basic errors......grr.....and i really effed up putting it in Romance. Don't suppose I can get it moved to Erotic Couplings (I assume its that).
Thanks so much for the feedback...means a lot.
X
L
The Ending made the story
Great starting story!
As was said already there's a few errors and such (we all make them, especially as we get 'carried away' writing). A few minor edits of errors and inconsistencies will improve this immensely. If you edit you can also request the category to be changed.
Definitely solid writing skill though. My favourite line had to be the very last one! Best of luck and can't wait to read more from you.
very hot
Loved this one....has all my fave things in it...xxxx
thunder, rain, beach, little beach huts, running, swallowing...lol, mmmmmmmm
fabulous... I could have commissioned it myself.... lol,
a tag longer would have been useful.
But loved it, xxxx
please write more beach hut confessions, xxx
love your gym teacher! X
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