Well I wish I was the brother in this story, very well written, leaving me drooling...
by
Anonymous05/15/06
Awesome
I absolutely loved it! And I feel the same as the previous poster.. Wish I was the brother! ^_^;;
by
Anonymous11/24/10
dumb ass
any writer with half a brain knows that all chapters of a series HAVE to have the same title. just numbered to tell what order to read them in. do yourself and the readers a favor and never post another story unless you go through a good editor first and properly title it. now get an editor and do a total rewrite on all your stories
DBRS
by
Anonymous10/17/12
Awesome
I love how the whole story was filled with excitement from the first sentence to the last. This story was amazing, did its job for me and man.
I'm confused. One minute they're fucking, and the next minute she's pulling his pants down. Then after they've already fucked, she has him get a condom? It's like you put the pieces of this story together out of sequence. I also don't know why you called the The Second Night when it seems like it's simply more of the same night as the previous chapter. I don't know what the other readers were reading, but I'm with the one that disagreed with them. This was worse than the first two parts. Once again, there is no sense of grammar, sentence structure, or spelling. You move carelessly between totally disjointed parts of the story without making sure they make chronological sense. Yeah, I know it's porn, but the story still has to make sense. Please get an editor before posting anything else. The one thing I disagree with the one reader about is that I'm not sure you should have this story edited and repost. It may be beyond hope. Try another story instead but get someone to help you.
English
Wow
Well I wish I was the brother in this story, very well written, leaving me drooling...
Awesome
I absolutely loved it! And I feel the same as the previous poster.. Wish I was the brother! ^_^;;
dumb ass
any writer with half a brain knows that all chapters of a series HAVE to have the same title. just numbered to tell what order to read them in. do yourself and the readers a favor and never post another story unless you go through a good editor first and properly title it. now get an editor and do a total rewrite on all your stories
DBRS
Awesome
I love how the whole story was filled with excitement from the first sentence to the last. This story was amazing, did its job for me and man.
Confusing
I'm confused. One minute they're fucking, and the next minute she's pulling his pants down. Then after they've already fucked, she has him get a condom? It's like you put the pieces of this story together out of sequence. I also don't know why you called the The Second Night when it seems like it's simply more of the same night as the previous chapter. I don't know what the other readers were reading, but I'm with the one that disagreed with them. This was worse than the first two parts. Once again, there is no sense of grammar, sentence structure, or spelling. You move carelessly between totally disjointed parts of the story without making sure they make chronological sense. Yeah, I know it's porn, but the story still has to make sense. Please get an editor before posting anything else. The one thing I disagree with the one reader about is that I'm not sure you should have this story edited and repost. It may be beyond hope. Try another story instead but get someone to help you.
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