I like the story so far. I just have a minor issue with your povs. During Damion's pov things started getting a little wonky. The pov kept changing. First it was Damion then it changed to a third person pov. Then back to Damion then Ben then the third person then back to Damion. It was a little distracting. Other then that I liked it and can't wait for the next chapter.
by
Anonymous07/25/14
Couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. Have a read of YOUR story, lots of errors in the first few paragraphs.
by
Anonymous07/25/14
I feel like this has a good plot.. just a few errors. but hey first chapter can be a little rough. Can't wait for next chapter
by
Anonymous07/25/14
Can't wait for more !
Great start ! Please don't be to slow on your delivery.2C6F
It was a good start although the brother is a little to agro for very little reason but a good start none the less. I look forward to the next chapter.
The guys are going to be in for a rude awakening. The girls have issues they need to work on. Damien is going to have them running scared since he is the aggressive type.
by
Anonymous07/25/14
Decent Start
Decent start, but you really need an editor. The numerous errors in spelling, punctuation and word usage distract the reader from an otherwise interesting story.
Yes decent start. I really want to know what these sets of twins look like too.
by
Anonymous07/27/14
Interesting start
first of all great start second of all to all the grammar Nazis out there, and the punctuation Nazis, this is a website where authors write down their thoughts and their ideas which they are not getting paid for I really think you should enjoy the literature for what it is, and quit tryin two pick apart every sentence of every story that is put on here I mean you don't you have any other or anything better to do then to pick apart a story? rather than give them grief why don't you just compliment a story or don't say anything or are you so perfectionist you can't publish a story for fear of messing it up. ok I said my peace to the author of this story please continue.
More Please. I feel a great story is on the horizon. Other than needing a lil more background on the sisters I feel you're off to a great start. Don't worry about the nit pickers. I believe if they are so perfect that they wouldn't be on here reading stories for free and picking on the next aspiring writers for something they can't do.
Good luck.
by
Anonymous08/31/14
Great story start
Like the story a lot so far. THe switching of the POV makes it a bit hard to follow as sometimes its not clear when it switches and sometimes it is stated obviously. With some more editing this will make a great story!
English
good start
I like the story so far. I just have a minor issue with your povs. During Damion's pov things started getting a little wonky. The pov kept changing. First it was Damion then it changed to a third person pov. Then back to Damion then Ben then the third person then back to Damion. It was a little distracting. Other then that I liked it and can't wait for the next chapter.
Couldn't get past the first few paragraphs. Have a read of YOUR story, lots of errors in the first few paragraphs.
I feel like this has a good plot.. just a few errors. but hey first chapter can be a little rough. Can't wait for next chapter
Can't wait for more !
Great start ! Please don't be to slow on your delivery.2C6F
Good start
It was a good start although the brother is a little to agro for very little reason but a good start none the less. I look forward to the next chapter.
nice
This is a great start. Looking forward to more
Not a bad start. Couple of errors and I agree that Damien is a little over the top emotionally. But I'm up for next chapter.
The guys are going to be in for a rude awakening. The girls have issues they need to work on. Damien is going to have them running scared since he is the aggressive type.
Decent Start
Decent start, but you really need an editor. The numerous errors in spelling, punctuation and word usage distract the reader from an otherwise interesting story.
Love it
Keep going the guys r a good laugh
Yes decent start. I really want to know what these sets of twins look like too.
Interesting start
first of all great start second of all to all the grammar Nazis out there, and the punctuation Nazis, this is a website where authors write down their thoughts and their ideas which they are not getting paid for I really think you should enjoy the literature for what it is, and quit tryin two pick apart every sentence of every story that is put on here I mean you don't you have any other or anything better to do then to pick apart a story? rather than give them grief why don't you just compliment a story or don't say anything or are you so perfectionist you can't publish a story for fear of messing it up. ok I said my peace to the author of this story please continue.
N.D.
More!!!!
More Please. I feel a great story is on the horizon. Other than needing a lil more background on the sisters I feel you're off to a great start. Don't worry about the nit pickers. I believe if they are so perfect that they wouldn't be on here reading stories for free and picking on the next aspiring writers for something they can't do.
Good luck.
Great story start
Like the story a lot so far. THe switching of the POV makes it a bit hard to follow as sometimes its not clear when it switches and sometimes it is stated obviously. With some more editing this will make a great story!
Love it!!
Oh my gosh of course there are 2 pairs of twins. its really good tho
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