All Comments on 'The Network'

Lots of thought and very good read.

enjoyed it all

Not quite what I expected from a group sex story, but I finished all nine pages hanging onto every word. I would have loved a better explanation of The Network and how Robert got connected...

Good read. I'm going to look up your previous work.

I agree with the previous comment. "Not what I expected but I hung on every word". Good job

you had me gripped from page 1 and I read right through, thank you and thank yo, Five stars

This is a writer with one HELLUVA an imagination in many directions with magnetism included! BRAVO!!

This story was simply one of the all time best ever. 5/5 is too low of a score. The minor typos were completely over shadowed by the story's plot theme and imaginations. completely wonderful in 99/100 ways. am looking forward to more of the same to come.

that would DAZZLE with proofreading. The autocorrect gremlin attacked you a few too many times for my muse's taste…said muse is a copy editor.

Thanks for the comments. The story kind of wrote itself and grew well beyond what I intended. I ended up trimming dramatically to get it down to what I posted. Would have been a novel if I didn't stop it.

Sorry about the errors. Thought I caught them all but, obviously I did not. I guess I was in too much of a hurry.

Working on story number 3 right now. It is also drifting beyond what I envisioned.

Great story, and had me gripped. Loved it! The grammar went a bit south towards the end, such as you're instead of your. The only thing I'd change as regards the story are the introductions of new ideas from the middle of the story, that are not explained, and are slightly confusing, in short, slow it down a bit. Great idea about the tumour, loved the original thinking.

Like many, I come here for erotic stories, but I've found that what I've enjoyed the most are ones such as this. Great stories where sex is the main ingredient, but paired with well thought out side dishes to make a delicious meal for my imagination.

I had a strong emotional attachment to the characters by the end as well.

Keep writing!

Please keep exploring, This is vivid stuff! Rush through and get these ideas down! Then, back up and breakit up into stories that you can tell in 7 to 9 pages. This one should have been two at least, even three! I liked that you kept your cast small and explained why but I would have loved a little note or call etc. from Susan, they made a very stong bond which she wouldn't have easily forgotten with all three taking a role in her salvation. Bring her back as an employee in the future, she would make a great friend w/ benefits to for the three druids.

I very much want some filler stories! Not in sequence, keep to your timeline, so much must have taken place during the time hopes; tell me about it!

You could have left me hanging to a cliff so many times with that exquisite torture teasing me for days! In the shower before he knows who. Or right when Robert ejaculates into Samantha before they bond; you should have made the correlation between sex & bond clearer. But, when Samantha passed out bleeding from her nose (could have included bleeding from her ears too), I felt such a missed opportunity. Then you had one! And you walked right past it to end so perfectly it that it should have been the end of a trilogy.

I'm very curious where you start the next story...

Not at all what I expected, but fantastic nonetheless. Can't wait for the next story.

This is an amazing read!

That would still not be enough. I've read the other comments and could repeat all the positive comments!

Thank you for sharing your creativity!

Alan

Thanks, DreamCloud, for this gem.

An amazing sensitive erotic work of fiction. Perhaps the finest single story that I have read on this site.

Yes!!! Everything they said in spades. Enjoyed all 3 of your stories. Unless you object I will add them to my personal documents.

I would like more chapters to this story but i think it Should not be in group sex.

I really enjoyed the story and the characters, and of course, the sex. However, the writing needs an editor; there are many sentences that are missing words, or where you've used the wrong word (like "bare" instead of "bear", for example.) As a reader, mistakes like that are really distracting and break up the flow of reading the story. A good editor will help you pick those up and polish the writing.

Great concept, wonderful read. Thank you.

What FungiUg said. Your other story's show much improvement after this one. Other stories great, this one; not so much. Should have been under "Fantasy" rather than "Group Sex".

I think you introduced the 'network' too quickly. We jumped right from what was a tale of some amazingly effective assistants into one about magic and fantasy. I enjoyed it but it could have had a bit more of a transition step. Have Robert suspect something and start having glimpses of the connection rather than just dive in. Then, once he works out what is up, have the dam break like you did.

But it was a very fun, engaging and sexy tale. Thanks

You will continue this story? You lost me for a time with the leak, thought is another kind of leak thats where my mind was, sorry. This reminds me of avatar with the linking thing, the power of all living thing and how we are destroying part of our earth before we evan understand the only place we know that life of any kindd exist, how fun is that to write, hoping for more on this story line you almost have to go sci fi ; Gene Rodenberry, or Rod Sterling.

Thanks for a wonderful story. I, m starting to feel chatty! Maddict, always the sign in.

What a hoot. I had fun reading this one. An enjoyable story with some real twists. Well done, well done.

The first five pages were excellent... the fantasy bit lost me...you didn't set it up, then all of a sudden there were connections and floods of feelings. I stopped reading as it was like a whole different story got inserted into it. Good writing but maybe next time stay with the flow of the plot. Cheers

Probably because it was actually a fantasy tale. I sure hope you keep up your creativity and output level, as I've loved four out of five of your stories!

Right up to the telepathy stuff. Well-written, but it still lost me at that point...

The story was great. Five stars. The grammar, word choice, missing words, and odd punctuation made it hard to follow throughout. Please use an editor before publishing.

Deserves praise. Well done.

I can only add to the compliments...

And repeat the need for an editor. I look back at my work before and after and it's a world of difference. An editor would probably have caught the quick jump in the story from his not being linked to the linkage. An outside pair of eyes points out the things we assume as writers. The only hard part is finding one. I'd suggest mine but I don't want to loose him. LOL

I was enthralled with this story. In a way, no more outrageous then our Anglo-Saxon concept of Heaven and Hell. I kind of liked your version more better. See what a good editor could do. :-)

If I believed wholeheartedly in any sort of religion, I would rather believe in this.

Well crafted, I laughed and then worried as the climax came at the end of the story.

Wow, great job

sequel plz

remarkable story , truly worthy of Five Stars.

xxxhugsxxx

(note to self , no more letting the dog pee on trees)

This is one of the best stories I've read in a long time. The last five pages were better, with the sex being the least of the story's merits. The religious aspect was beautiful. I don't know if the author is a Druid, but if so, you have done your grove and tradition proud. Brightest Blessings and when is the sequel?

It was a bit confusing at first. Like Inception, you have to watch the movie several times to understand the film fully. The first time I read the story I was so lost it frustrated me & I gave up. But something kept bugging me to try again, so I reread everything & read it slower & it started to take shape.

Overall, a good read. The concept was interesting & the visuals were awesome, especially at the end near the climax to the story. Visions of energy & links & flows all played through my mind. Good job.

Did not see the twists and turns coming in this one. Total surprise. Very powerful story. Character development is stong enough to support a sequel. I wonder what DC edited out of this one...

Great story! It would solve a lot of problems if the druids were awakened.

This is literally the best story I've ever read.

This is one of the very best stories that I've ever read. The author's outstanding talent shows through like a bright beam of light.

I was not enamored with the mysticism early on, but as the story developed I found myself drawn in. Masterfully written, I commend the author. I hope you don't tire of writing. You have a real talent for this.

I wasn't expecting that at all! Really enjoyed the twist. Thanks!

Nope, sorry. Poor setup, clumsy writing, unbelievable characters.

Won't rate.

I've enjoyed reading most of your stories, keep it up.

I suggest getting an editor to look over your work, as good as the writing is, occasional spelling and grammar mistakes may throw some off....

I thoroughly enjoyed your story, so much feel good.

I would love to read about the children as they grow into their powers.

I am lucky in that being dyslectic I rarely see spelling and grammar mistakes my brain just filters them out.

Les

how do you come up with it, combining such things, contemporary conspiracy and mythic druids, wow. And great writing too.

It was wonderful. Specially saving Samantha. Loved it.

Slow down, do a bit more probing of the story to make sure it is consistent and makes internal sense. Finally, edit and edit again.

FYI: Vassar doesn't have sororities. I know, it wasn't exactly a story steeped in fact, but there are no Greeks at Vassar.

The grammar and structure of large parts of it read as if translated directly from Russian, with articles missing and not added.

Another winner!

Please more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Downright spooky. But good spooky.

Thank you for writing this story. I really enjoyed every second spent reading it.

Regards

DD

Strange, but intriguing. Very good. Thanks for sharing.

U got to finish this one. There is a lot of ways to go.

One edit: you called "Susan" "Sarah" by mistake.

CONGRATULATIONS. You have created a beautiful story in which to tell us about a fantasy world that many of us wish existed. You could do with a bit of editing -- especially on the use of the preposition "to" and the adverb "too." OVERALL, I agree with other reviewers who think this story is AWESOME. THANKS FOR SHARING

OMG, such a wonder new vision into the world around us. New ideas that I had never thought of. Amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing with the rest of us. I look forward to reading many more of your stories.

- pal

Who says this is a Fantasy World?

Very well done! You kind of remind me of Robert Heinlein. Great vision.

Well done! You are my new favorite author.

As with the movie Avatar, you've shown in this excellent story the possibility of instant communication between human andere other life forms. For people/the world to survive knowledge andere understanding is a basic necessity. The form of communication you describe fits a large part of that Bill. Really enjoyed the story, thanx from a big fan of your writing.

With kind regards, Ronald

I have been reading "Sci Fi and Fantasy" for 65 years and this story is the BEST meld of the three i.e. Sci Fi,Fantasy,and Eroticisim that I have ever seen. With a little bit of editing (for the general public),I'd bet it could be sold to "Analog Sci Fi magazine" and probably garner a Hugo and a Nebula award as well. Show us more !!!

Exceptional writing. You have a fantastic imagination.

page 6

leave in a lurch - leave you in a lurch

about woman - about a woman

shammed - shamed

no where - nowhere

there were a fair amount of other errors, but these were the types that annoyed me the most, I would strongly suggest getting a proofreader or two to help out, as well as improving your proofreading practices, considering how much trouble you have with homophones.

page 8

Druids only goal - The Druids' only goal

couldn't bare - couldn't bear

horse - hoarse

page 9

as link - as the link

move to fast - move too fast

you're collapse - your collapse

what your were - what you were

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your writing talent is up there with the best.

Focus on your incredible story telling ability. Tons of folks know grammar ... but there are few gifted writers so go with your strength. Loved the story.

Look, the story is great. But you REALLY need an editor, because this story is a mess. Lots of missing words, confusing phrases, inconsisten names, plain bad organization of the paragraphs. Among other problems.

This story needs a sequel!

I've read most of your stories and your creativity astonishes me. There are many fine authors on this site and some follow a set of characters loved by the readers and continue the basic story line with the same characters. But each of your stories and characters seem unique, not sequels, and almost all are compelling.

Can't wait to finish all your stories. Thanks for your work and may you have a blessed and safe Christmas.

belike trippin ballz on acid

Capitalism creates the poverty and environmental ruin that Druids are so against. Druids, as you stated, strive for harmony, how could harmony exist with classes?

Druids must work in harmony with the government as defined. If it is wealth that dictates power, then wealth is needed to project harmony. But this is a fantasy of course.

I suspect that true Druids find the work offensive, which was not my intent. In fact, I didn't even know modern Druid sects existed until this was posted. The idea that nature dictates reason is a comfortably warm concept.

Wealth owned by a single person is not needed, simply the combined wealth of the people. With capitalism, the means by which the wealth is obtained causes the very poverty that leaves the world suffering. For people to achieve such wealth, resources have to be taken, and labour consumed at low costs, thus putting people into wage slavery.

Under a commune system, the wealthy would be equally shared, thus no poverty would exist. The commune would use their shared wealthy to improve the world around them, both in the human and enviroment.

True communes reward sloth. Those that choose not to participate earn as much as those who put forth an enormous effort. I do not profess that capitalism is the best method to allocate the assets of the world, but it is fairer than most. I will concede the unfairness of inheritance, where simply being born in the right family allows sloth and privilege.

The fairest system probably lies in a mixture of both. Humankind must always strive to better itself (capitalism) and seek to remove the injustices (commune).

No need to depend on mind meld. The only catch is that you have to start treating it about 6 months before it kills you. You can look up "cannabis cures brain cancer".

===

I can read my wife. She, however, is not quiet enough internally to read me.

At first it was scary to me , the idea of a worldwide mental network of the world's power elite. Sharing their unfair advantage to control the rest of the world. Because if you didn't know it was druids this kind of thing would freak you the fuck out.

The only thing. Druids involved in oil pipelines? Unlikely!

Really very creative work.....My mind is still spinning

It was another amazing story that moved in directions that I should have known would be different than what I expected when I first started reading. Thank you!

Yoshi

By far this is my favorite story on this entire site. I have read everything you wrote and have never been disappointed. I would love to see a sequel to this story just because I love the characters so much. The enjoyment I get out of your stories has been a huge factor in convincing me to finally write something. So thank you.

Maybe with their kids? A dark tree gone bad? Just continue this tale, please!

These stories about links are something special. Keep writing. I think I like "The Link" more but this was an interesting take.

but once you explained what they were, it all snapped into focus...

Well designed...

Mate, I must be getting soft in my old age. What a wonderful story, had me totally enthralled from start to finish. Thank you

I realize you are posting these stories with no financial payback. You have a rare talent. But you really need an editor. I have been an avid reader for over 60 years. I edited a literary journal many, many years ago when I was in college. If I can be of help in proof reading, please let me know.

Thoroughly enjoyed this story. You need to nurture these characters maybe not as an ongoing story but as a series of stand alones to allow more freedom of development. You should be submitting this to a publisher.

My forty year old body was starting to show signs of ware.

SHOULD BE:

My forty year old body was starting to show signs of WEAR.

Her face was all a glow as I exited the room.

SHOULD BE:

Her face was all AGLOW as I exited the room.

'We are pleased to inform you that are this years recipient of the Gloris Newark scholarship.'

SHOULD BE:

'We are pleased to inform you that YOU are this years recipient of the Gloris Newark scholarship.'

The hotel had a small, all be it, expensive clothing store usually reserved for those who forgot their tennis or swimming apparel. I called down to Rick to make sure it was open on Saturday.

SHOULD BE:

The hotel had a small, ALBEIT expensive clothing store usually reserved for those who forgot their tennis or swimming apparel. I called down to Rick to make sure it was open on Saturday.

"What is your opinion off Rebecca and Samantha?"

SHOULD BE:

"What is your opinion OF Rebecca and Samantha?"

Next to it was mug with and unopened bottle of beer next to it.

SHOULD BE:

Next to it was mug with AN unopened bottle of beer next to it.

OR:

Next to it was A mug AND AN unopened bottle of beer next to it.

One of the girls sweep through the kitchen.

SHOULD BE:

One of the girls SWEPT through the kitchen.

I looked like our planned opening in early October will be pushed to the February, March time frame.

SHOULD BE:

IT looked like our planned opening in early October will be pushed to the February, March time frame.

EDITORIAL SUGGESTION:

IT looked like our planned opening in early October will be pushed to the February TO March time frame.

"Robert, a good politician is always been happiest behind a microphone." I heard a false chuckle, "Just give me a time and a place and I will be there."

SHOULD BE:

"Robert, a good politician is always happiest behind a microphone." I heard a false chuckle, "Just give me a time and a place and I will be there."

OR:

"Robert, a good politician HAS always been happiest behind a microphone." I heard a false chuckle, "Just give me a time and a place and I will be there."