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English
MISSING INDEFINATE ARTICLE
"Sounds like plan Mayor.
SHOULD BE:
"Sounds like A plan Mayor.
TYPO
The woman was too shammed to tell them she had no where else to go.
SHOULD BE:
The woman was too SHAMED to tell them she had no where else to go.
CORRECTION?
"That was for all the woman Augustine who won't find themselves in the hospital."
SHOULD THIS BE?
"That was for all the WOMEN IN Augustine who won't find themselves in the hospital."
ADVERB NEEDED NOT PREPOSITION
"I so sorry, I am moving to fast. I always move to fast.
SHOULD BE:
"I so sorry, I am moving TOO fast. I always move TOO fast.
NIT PICKERS
don't you just love NIT PICKERS...like most readers ...I don't give a dam about anything ...except ...a good read....and.. THIS...like all of ..DreamCloud's stories was a VERY GOOD READ....thank you so much for writing and.. GOD...what a mind you have....lmao....
Encore
Delightful and creative. I would love to see a sequel and kids with the twins as well as developing Riberts business interests. Thank you for your stories. I've read most of them multiple times. They've become soothing when I'm bored or need a lift.
Great read!
Yes, there typos and errors. SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you want "perfection" write your own.
Story just kept building and the intrigue never stopped.
Thanks for the effort.
Keep coming back for more of your stuff!
My 2nd read...liked it as much, if not more, than 1st time...gripping story....
Agree with SteveWallace, acup...looseness at end got very distracting, but still...what a story! ...still a 5, but if you'd only enlisted an editor....
Whoa!!
Holy shit man.. That was vivid!! What are you on?? :D loved loved loved it!!!! Keep writing!
You just broke my heart
I don't know whether to thank or hate you but this one took me by surprise. Besides the story on the mountain your stories don't usually contain any fantasy element. This one contained that and more connection than all of your others combined. This story was raw and an emotional trebuchet of extremely powerful feelings. By the way, I activated an account just to post this non anonymously unlike all my other comments. You're welcome. I liked this one but don't mess so hard with my emotions next time, okay?
Too many mistakes
I like your writing, always 4 or 5 star. This comment is not a critique of the story, since I am on page 1. Way too many mistakes compared to your other work. Is that bad editing? Things like than instead of then, could care less instead of couldn't, too instead of to, paybacks instead of payback's a bitch. It does detract from the pleasure of the reading.
Wolkenkuckkucksheim (Cloud Cuckoo Land), mein Fuhrer.
Too different from your usual fare. Can't say I don't like it, but it lacks the emotional punch of even The Neighbor (let alone The Promise or The Rehab). Entertaining stuff though. You have my usual 5*s.
WOW
I wasn't expecting that. I always skipped over this one because it was in the "Group Sex" category, so my expectations weren't very high. I really like your romance stories. I should have known better when it comes to your writing. I did notice a lot more typos than usual, like you got typing so fast the order the of words mixed up got. I guess you could call it conceptual typing. Then I noticed that this was the first story you posted on this site. For a first story that's pretty impressive. Damn, I love the way your mind works, the way you look at things. You have a gift. The only problem is I want more. This would be a great story to add a second and even a third part. You know how people love stories about special children. "The Link", comes to mind Thank you for the entertainment!
FYI- I used to work commercial construction in the summers while in college. The first time I yelled out, " The cement's here". The whole concrete crew, yelled in unison, "Cement comes in bags, Concrete comes in trucks. Get it right, dumbass." Now on page 4 you referred to a cement company which do exist like Ready-Mix but I think you meant concrete. No biggie, just thought you would like to know. It's amazing what you retain from your younger years. Of course, with that many people yelling, admonishing you in unison you tend to remember.
Really good, but fragmented
I really loved this story, but it felt more like it should be a series with multiple chapters. I found myself flipping back pages to see if I had missed something, because I couldn't reconcile the speed in which he fell in love. It felt like I had missed entire pages. I do really love where you went with the story, a much slower pace to allow readers to really join the journey would have made all the difference. Thank you for all your stories, they really are wonderful!
-AD
Curious
Dream,
This drives me nuts. You have a great sense of writing stories and your stories are interesting. Your stories are mostly well written. BUT you have a tendency to leave words out of sentences. Example from chap 4 in this story. "Susan finished while looking me eyes."
I suggest you need a different editor.
You lost me
After the handjob in the shower with Rebecca, suddenly Rebecca is "there" when she wasn't "there" and you're leaking something which was construed by me as pre-cum. Another comment suggested some mystery to the mental connection and a build up to the full realization. I couldn't agree more. The shaving scene the morning following the handjob was very erotic but the "leaking" was very distracting.
As for typos. wow. Way too many to ignore.
I stopped reading after the shaving scene but wanted to review the comments. You definitely know how to weave a dream and I will try a few more of your stories. This one simply progressed too fast after the shower and had too many typos I could no longer ignore.
absolutly stunning story, extrordainary
this is one of the best stories i have read, not only on this network but all others
please bring it further into the future
Click
Ah! I have it now. I should have read all your clever tales instead of being selective. Hmmm . . . two different genres in a matter of hours. The common thread as I see it is love; equality; empathy; telepathy. Stir into your various story themes and . . . voila. Keep the typos, it simply gives your stories authenticity in my book. Still envious. Note to self: get writing again. Chapeau.
If You Are Clear You Can Do This
This may be a story. It is not fiction. I connect that way with my wife. She is not clear enough to connect with me. I know what she feels and sometimes what she thinks. She never tells me I'm wrong.
Well all have this power if we can drop ALL our anger. Anger is a signal. It should not be a life.
And yes. We are all connected. But you have to be very quiet to get the signals. Most people spend most of their lives screaming. And that is why we are so evil to each other.
Good job, Dream Cloud.
The next Chapter
It would be nice to see the next chapter and their adventures and that of their children, How he learns to connect with the ancient souls,etc
Bless you
Thank you for writing this
Amazing
Amazing, simply amazing.
fantastic story
thank you for your writing
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